[The_Hitman]

Its been OK so far, but its whats going to happen in the future which is most important.

Here's whats going to happen....

Leo is going to grow tired of being told to "listen to people" and take a turn for the worst. He'll steal all the sharp knives out of the kitchen and camp out in the garden, claiming "Nowhere" as his area of the house where nobody else can come.

The rest of the house mates will get completely confused by Leos behaviour and call a meeting to come to some sort of agreement which may appease the afroed munchkin, the best suggestion being put forward by Dirk, saying they should offer Leo the role of honorary Prince of the Goblins. The others agree.

The days pass and Leo is starting to show signs of compliance with the rest of the group, and says if they stick to their offer, he will put all the kitchen devils back in the drawer and start taking CBB seriously again. Everything seems to be OK, until Danielle takes a glass of milk to Leo one night before bed, when he jumps out from behind a bush a screams "Hit me baby! Im all yours!! Do with me just what you want to do with my love!!", scaring the living be-jeezus out of Danielle, who spills the milk all over her breasts.

The Housemates decide that Leo has gone too far this time and something needs to be done about it. They devise a plan to capture Leo and spend the next couple of days fashioning weapons from various parts of furniture and food stuffs, ready to do battle with him for the territory of "Nowhere", and rid the BB house of the evil that has taken hold in recent days. Dirk is put in charge of battle tactics and calls upon Steps to be his war counsellor for when they go to battle.

After a day and a half the housemates are prepared to make their siege on Leo and the territory of "Nowhere" having spent their time secretly transporting their make-shift weapons into position without Leo noticing, ready for the attack which would commence at 2300 hours that night. The front line would be Shilpa, Jade and Jermaine, followed by additional assault from Carole armed with a rolling pin, SClub7 with a wooden spoon and Jackie with her arm.

The clock ticks closer to 2300. Leo is sat on the knee of 'the shrub man' falling asleep, and everything seems to be going to plan. The housemates begin to take their respective positions and begin a countdown from 20 seconds, to advance They get to 5 and suddenly..... all the lights in the house go out!

No-one knows what to do. Everyone is waiting for Dirk to give an order but no-one can see each other, so all that can be heard is loud whispers, trying to communicate.

Suddenly, theres a crack off thunder and a flash of lightning. The housemates all have shocked looks across their faces. Standing on the roof of the house, above "Nowhere", is Donny. Donny, dressed as Jareth the Goblin king from Labrynth, with an army of goblins standing along the roof of the BB house. Music begins blaring over the speakers and all the goblins start bobbing up and down doing a strange dance. Its the song "Dance magic dance" and Donny begins to sing it.

"I saw my baby....crying hard as baby could cry....what I could I do.....".... Leo was awake and watching the performance, and with the additional lights from the 'show' could see the housemates stood in awe, dressed in their 'battle gear', obviously ready to make their attack. He was furious. He began to bob along to the song, feeling the power of its evil magic, secure in the knowledge that the Goblins were going to rein supreme over Celebrity Big Brother.

The housemates were stunned, they were entranced by Bowie's catchy grooves and rythms, and as Donny comes to the end of the bridge (the musical bridge and the bridge to "Nowhere") ..."and baby says".....he points at housemates to dance along as the chorus kicks in....

...."Dance magic! Dance magic dance!...Dance magic dance..."

....the housemates are under the spell, bobbing along to the grooves, dancing around the garden with the Goblins....... Face is panicking, he's to cool to fall under the spell but all his soldiers have been lost to 'the other side'.....then suddenly....he turns to notice Steps is still beside him....

..."How come you arnt under the spell Steps?"....asks Dirk..
...to which Steps explains he is not effected by good music, and only answers to the sounds of hardcore club music.

Dirk is overjoyed. This is their salvation. He hands Steps a watermelon bacardi breezer and orders him to walk up to the Goblin king and pour it over his head, spoiling his hair do, thus neutralising his powers. Steps puts on a brave face and realises this is his moment of destiny.....

...He walks bravely into the garden...bacardi breezer in hand...and makes a bee-line for Donny. Donny is bemused as to why this particular housemate is immune to the infectious stylish rhythms of Bowie, and then he realises why.....

.....Steps is getting closer, and is about to ruin the Goblin kings hair do forever, until Donny gestures to Leo.....Leo comes forward...teeth gritted...looking like he's ready for a fight...Steps stops....they have a stand-off.

...."You cant stop me Leo. Im not effected by this evil infectious brand of music. Im immune to your ways." Declares Steps....

...."That maybe so, young man, but see what you make of THIS!!"....

...and as Leo throws his hands up, the entire BB garden turns into a huge disco, with flashing lights all around, a thumping dance beat comes over the speakers.....and a chill goes up Dirks spine.

Steps tries to fight the feeling, but its too strong. He tries to walk forward to confront the Goblin King but the hard hitting dance beat is just too much, and as a huge disco ball lowers from the sky....Leo bursts into song.

"Hit me baby! Im all yours! Do just what you want to do with my love!!"...

Steps takes one swig of his watermelon bacardi breezer and throws it into the air, dancing camply to the thumping beat, throwing shapes and vouging all over the Big Brother garden. Dirk is distraught. That was the final chance they had. The housemates were already under the spell, and the scene looks like something out of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, as everybody, housemates and goblins alike, proceed to dance around to the stifled rythm of the hit gay anthem.

Dirk puffs on his cigar as he watches the scene unfold and says... "I hate it when a plan doesnt come together"