[Riz]

Saturday 20 January
Day 18, 10:56
Toilet habits come under Dirk's scrutiny...
Dirk's woken up in manly spirits today.


Earlier he was happily boasting about how not showering was boosting his masculinity. And now he's volunteering to inspect everyone's poop. What a guy.

It all began quite innocently, with Jo and Danielle complaining that bog-roll supplies were running low. But it was the only nudge Dirk needed to start talking about his second favourite subject. His first favourite is chopping wood, but this was a different kind of logging.

"Someone uses too much toilet paper," he said. "I'm going to come in and start monitoring."

"You can give people four squares," said Cleo.

"Shall we have a lesson on how much toilet paper you should use?" he offered.

"I think that's a lesson we could all do with. Don't you? Kids?" said Cleo.

"I think it depends on the size of the s***," piped up Jo, getting to the crux of the matter.

"It's got to do with texture, buoyancy, colour," continued Dirk.

"That is gross," said a disgusted Danielle.

But Dirk looked as excited as Gillian McKeith with a fresh delivery. "Tomorrow morning, everyone show me their stool. And I will be able to tell you what is out of balance in your diet. I'll be the stool man, the stool pigeon, the stool checker."

"Do you like poo?" asked Danielle, worriedly as he gave them the turd degree.

"The stool guy will come running," continued doctor Dirk. "More salt, too much fruit."

That'll have them dumping for joy..

EDIT: http://www.channel4.com/bigbrother/n...ry.jsp?id=1318