[Red Moon]

Fair game?

YOU catch their eye across the room and it's lust at first sight: there's a spark, a definite attraction, a flirtatious glance. Then you spot the wedding ring - it's a surefire sign that this person is off-limits. Oh well, better luck next time. But in a world where marriage is no longer the only option, how do we define what is acceptable and what isn't when it comes to a liaison with a person who is already "in a relationship"?

Viewers of the ITV reality show I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! have been debating that question after what appeared to be the blossoming of a romance between two of the contestants.

Actor Marc Bannerman and singer Cerys Matthews were seen becoming increasingly intimate on the programme. However, after Bannerman was voted off the contest by viewers last night, he will now have to face his long-term live-in, girlfriend, actress Sarah Matravers, who was reported as being less than happy about the on-screen cavorting.

Matravers was so concerned about her partner's relationship with former Catatonia singer Matthews that she flew to Australia, where the reality show is being filmed. But she then returned to the UK after telling producers that she could not watch "the man I love disrespecting me".

It was only as Bannerman, 34, left the I'm a Celebrity... camp and was greeted by the show's presenters, Ant and Dec, that he began to acknowledge that he might not get away with his behaviour.

Seeming genuinely shocked as the reality of what he had done started to sink in, he guessed he was in "big trouble". He said: "It's a really difficult thing; it's a really strange scenario. If you meet someone that you really get on well with and gel with, it's really difficult not to have just a bit, a little bit, a kind of, you know it's just difficult not to have a little bit, you know..."

There has been much debate online as to whether or not Bannerman's flirtation with Matthews was acceptable, with some bloggers arguing that, since Bannerman and Matravers are unmarried, his behaviour is forgivable. Others have condemned Matthews for trying to seduce a man they see as being "off-limits".

One online post reads: "No excuses for his behaviour, but they're not actually 'married' are they? Bit of a difference between living together and making that commitment to one another in a legally binding arrangement?" But another argued: "He's not married yet! Let them be. They are enjoying themselves!"

So in an age where so many people cohabit happily without feeling the need to walk down the aisle, where does a casual relationship end, and a serious commitment to another person begin?

REALITY BITES FOR COUPLES

MARC BANNERMAN and Cerys Matthews have fallen into one of the biggest jungle traps in the world of reality TV - the on-screen romance. They are following in the footsteps of many an illicit celebrity coupling of those who first felt the stirrings of romance under the gaze of the camera.

Previous TV twosomes have included Jordan and Peter Andre (then attached to someone else) on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!, Preston, who dumped a serious girlfriend for Chantelle, below, on Celebrity Big Brother and Helen Adams and Paul Clarke, who fell slowly in love on-screen on series two of Big Brother - despite Helen having a long-term boyfriend on the outside. But what prompts these relationships, and why do those with partners feel they can carry-on with someone else while on live television ?

"It's so easy to bond with someone else when you're far away from home," says Flic Everett, sex and relationship expert and agony aunt, and author of How To Be A Sex Goddess and Sex Tips For Girls.

"Real life feels like another world, and when you're in a strange place, and find someone you can get on with - and find attractive - it's a massive temptation to get closer and form a little gang of you two against the world. For Mark and Cerys it may be simple loneliness driving them towards each other but also, sharing an intense experience can bond you like nothing else. It's unwise, but most people can't hide their real feelings for long regardless of the camera."

But however intense these relationships may be at the start, there's no guarantee they'll stand the test of time as the likes of Preston and Chantelle - who were divorced on Wednesday - and Ulrika Jonsson and Lance Gerrard-Wright - who got together when Jonsson was presenting the TV show Mr Right , and divorced after less than two years of marriage - have discovered.

"When relationships form in these isolated and artificial environments, they often don't last long," says Dr Costas Papageorgiou, consultant clinical psychologist at the Priory Hospital in Altrincham.

"They're formed on unstable foundations. You need sexual attraction to form a relationship but when that wears out you need intimacy and deep feeling in the relationship and often that's just not there because of the way it was originally formed."

But the truth is, many of us love a good reality TV romance, whether it has a happy ending or not. Something the makers of I'm A Celebrity are probably all too aware of...

The experts' view

MATT MASON - THE DEPUTY EDITOR OF WEEKLY MEN'S MAGAZINE ZOO

IF YOU'RE doing something that you wouldn't want your girlfriend to know about, then it's cheating. However, there's also that side of things where you think: "If a tree falls in the woods and there's no-one around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

If no-one else knows it happened, did it really happen? In this case, ten million viewers saw it happen on live television. What was he thinking?

There's a complete lack of respect there because surely he would know that this would humiliate his girlfriend. At the beginning of a relationship there's a real grey area about seeing other people.

A lot of people I know define the point where you become exclusive as the time in a relationship where you start staying over at each other's houses regularly.

After that, it's cheating, and, as I understand it, in this case it was a pretty established relationship, so it was out of order.

NATASHA AITKEN - EDITOR OF CELEBRITY, FASHION AND RELATIONSHIPS WEBSITE WWW.HANDBAG.COM

MARRIAGE is not really a relevant measure of commitment any more. Being in a relationship and taking that relationship seriously is commitment, regardless of whether or not the partnership is recognised legally.

I'm quite flirtatious. Flirting is part of our genetic make-up, but we should be confident that our partners won't cross the line, especially in front of millions of viewers!

HOLLY COMBE - OF THE FEMINIST WEBSITE WWW.THEFWORD.ORG.UK

I THINK one should only "commit" when this has been explicitly agreed by both parties. However, I think there is a cultural tendency to assume that the rules of monogamy should be adhered to by default if nothing has been said. I saw Mark exclaim something along the lines of "there's so much to say," so I think they've probably crossed the "we're-just-flattering-each-other-but- don't-want-to-do-anything" line.

The partner who has cheated is the one to blame because they are the one guilty of not giving their partner the opportunity to enjoy the same freedom that they have just taken for themselves. They have, effectively, been able to enjoy the control over their partner that agreeing to monogamy gives them without having to suffer the same oppression themselves.

In these situations the "other woman" is often blamed because we live in a sexist society that wrongly typecasts men as weak sex beasts who can't help it and expects women to shoulder full moral responsibility.

DR VICTORIA LUKATS - A PSYCHIATRIST, AGONY AUNT AND DATING AND RELATIONSHIP EXPERT FROM FINDTHELOVEOFYOURLIFE.CO.UK

ONE of the most common reasons that relationship breakdown is because one party gets involved with someone else, and that can often be in the early stages when the status of the relationship hasn't yet been defined. Even when a relationship is in the casual stages, no-one ever communicates that they're still seeing other people, so the best approach is to assume that things aren't exclusive until you've had that conversation that defines the relationship as exclusive.

Basically, anything that you wouldn't want your partner to be doing, you shouldn't do either. It's always tricky to know who to blame, and it's different in every case. In many cases a person doesn't cheat if there isn't already something wrong with the relationship. The assumption that there has to be problems in the relationship for someone to cheat often means that the third party gets off scot-free, which isn't always fair.

FLIC EVERETT - SEX AND RELATIONSHIP EXPERT AND AGONY AUNT, AND AUTHOR OF HOW TO BE A SEX GODDESS AND SEX TIPS FOR GIRLS

IN THIS case, while I can see why (Bannerman's) girlfriend is raging, I can also sympathise - we've all had a holiday flirtation away from home, it's just that most of us don't have TV cameras relaying every word back to our partners.

I don't think blame's appropriate: it's foolish, but not wicked. We should be monogamous when we've promised to be, regardless of the circumstances. The danger lies in identifying what monogamy means. To one person it can be "no sex with other people", to another "no flirting at parties". Clearly for his girlfriend, Mark has stepped over the line.

If you're just flirting to have fun and an ego boost, it's fine. Mark and Cerys have gone beyond that, and he at least is fighting a genuine attraction. She may just be lonely and single and love the attention, but she seems a genuine woman, and I suspect she's in a bit deeper than she meant to be as well.

ALEX GARDNER - GLASGOW-BASED CHARTERED PSYCHOLOGIST

RELATIONSHIPS incorporate passion, intimacy and commitment, and some relationships are more focused on specific areas. Bannerman's approach to relationships might be high on passion and intimacy, but low on commitment. Many people might see his flirting as harmless, but in a committed relationship you need to be dedicated to that relationship and you need to defer from other relationships.

If you're sleeping with someone else, you're cheating on your partner and yourself in many ways, because you're falling short on that commitment.

DR KENT HURTIG - A MORAL PHILOSOPHER AT STIRLING UNIVERSITY

GENERALLY, infidelity is a violation of trust, but it really depends on the sort of implicit understanding that a person has with their partner. The betrayal is in violating the trust or reasonable expectations that your partner has of you, whatever they may be. If you both acknowledge that you have a more open relationship then it's not necessarily a violation of trust. But that doesn't mean it's strong - in the same way a monogamous relationship can be flawed in other ways.

AMY LAMÈ - COMEDIAN AND TV PRESENTER

I'M AN old-fashioned kind of gal, and I think monogamy is really underrated. If we believe the media, we should all be shagging left right and centre with anyone but our chosen partner.

There's a lot to be said for getting to know someone within a committed relationship. Monogamy in marriage? Definitely. Living together? Certainly. After a first date? Don't be ridiculous.

Flirting becomes cheating if you wake up the next morning with that "Oh my goodness, I'm in biiig trouble" feeling.

MORAG MYLNE - THE CONVENER OF THE CHURCH AND SOCIETY COUNCIL FOR THE CHURCH OF SCOTLAND

MARRIAGE is good not just for the people who enter into it, but for those around them. It benefits friends, children, family members and wider society by publicly expressing a clear commitment. Unlike simply cohabiting, it's a very clear, very public expression of commitment, and there can be no grey areas with it.

Source: The Scotsman