[Harry!]

http://www.edmontonsun.com/

"Women behind bars, women in fast cars, women in distress, women with no dress, women in airplanes, women who play games, women in uniform, see that woman with her clothes torn."

- Women, Foreigner

This was an awesome year for bad girls. From Britney and her little sister Jamie-Lynn to Lindsay and Amy, plus both Paris and Nicole and many more, we revelled in celebrity female malfeasance of all stripes. The striking Hollywood writers must be about to pop their brains from all the missed opportunities.

Some may exclaim: "Why dwell on the naughty women of 2007 when there were just as many male stars who got in trouble?"

Yes, for every Nicole there was a Kiefer, for every Britney a Daniel Baldwin, but who would you rather see naked - Kid Rock or Lindsay Lohan? Don Imus or Paris Hilton? Amy Winehouse or Duane "Dog" Chapman? You have your answer. There is nothing sexier than a bad girl.



The following are fame-rated according to their approximate Googleosity. "Jesus Christ" is currently hovering around 24,000,000.

BRITNEY SPEARS (64,500,000 hits) - Shaved her head, failed rehab twice, charged with a hit-and-run, missed court appearances, defied court-ordered drug testing, was the laughing stock of the MTV awards and was such a bad parent that Kevin Federline now has sole custody of their two children. One imagines that the whole year was part of a diabolically clever marketing campaign to promote Blackout, or would be if her new album didn't have such a flabby debut. Add the news that Britney's 16-year-old sister Jamie-Lynn Spears is pregnant by her 19-year-old boyfriend and we have maximum Spears media penetration. The go-to joke is that Mama's new parenting book has been put on hold - but it's not really a parenting book. It's a memoir about raising a pair of real life Bratz, and is likely on hold to accommodate future events, like how Britney's new marriage is going to work out. Next year promises to be even more chaotic for this profoundly screwed-up family.

PARIS HILTON (46,300,000) and NICOLE RICHIE (400,000) - Both of the vapid, spoiled, thoroughly unpleasant stars of The Simple Life got spanked by the law this year. Paris found God after serving 23 days in jail for probation violation, Ritchie did no time for a DUI and is about to have a baby. The Simple Prison Life? Here's a two-word pitch to the Fox network: Shower cameras.

LINDSAY LOHAN (14,800,000) - Being addicted to alcohol and drugs is all well and good. Insisting on driving your own car while you do it is another matter. You're a celebrity, for chrissakes! Hire a chauffeur. This party girl may be saved by her serviceable acting ability, and will increasingly be expected to work with some of the top professionals in the motion picture industry, whom we all know are clean, sober and pure as the driven snow.

J.K. ROWLING (12,000,000) - Apparently you have to sit through the last Harry Potter film to find out why Professor Dumbledore has to be gay. This is something I'm just not willing to do. Sorry.

THE SPICE GIRLS (7,500,000) - An extended hiatus over, they are back together to inflict another round of giddy girl power on an unsuspecting population.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH (4,500,000) - Bigger and badder in death than she was in life, here is someone who may have literally been consumed by her own celebrity. Famous only for being famous, shamed in a crass grab for a nine figure inheritance she didn't deserve, afflicted by unthinkable tragedy and addled into a stupor by substance abuse, Smith died surrounded by the same ravenous media that created her. A funnier writer could probably come up with a good joke here, but he's on strike.

AMY WINEHOUSE (2,700,000) - She may not be the most Googlicious example of a bad girl, but the artist People magazine dubbed "a perfect storm of sex kitten, raw talent and poor impulse control" is getting a perfect storm of media coverage for all her troubles - the latest being an arrest for obstruction of justice. Her main problem seems to be drugs and alcohol. Sensing a theme here?

BOY GEORGE (2,000,000) - Included here because he is so in touch with his feminine side, the faded pop star was charged with false imprisonment of a 28-year-old man. Remember people: When engaged in any kind of consensual S&M play, always agree on a safeword.

FOXY BROWN (1,800,000) - Doesn't get along well with others, even in jail, where she was thrown into solitary confinement for a fight with another inmate. Who's hardcore now, huh?

CELINE DION (1,700,000) - The extended Vegas gig over, she will soon return to inflict another round of sappy love songs on an unsuspecting population. History will repeat itself whether we remember it or not.

LEONA HELMSLEY (81,000) - The New York hotelier, who served 18 months in federal prison for fraud and tax evasion, died at the age of 87 in August. She left $12 million to her dog, $100,000 to her chauffeur (Lindsay take note) and squat to two of her grandkids. The bulk of a $4 billion estate went to charity. Now was she really the queen of mean?