[cranberrykid]

8:02am
Sylvia and Rebecca are in the luxury bedroom. Sylvia is keeping it real by hiding food stuffs in the walk in cupboards, showing further real contempt for authority. Rebecca is offered a custard cream by the ever real Sylvia, giddy with excitement, Rebecca takes her clothes off. Luke walks in, and says; ‘No Rebecca No, don’t do that Rebecca, Rebecca no! Put your bweasts away! Big bwwwother!’. After his mildly epileptic fit inducing tirade, he tells Mario and Lisa exactly what has happened.

11:33am
Mario, Lisa and Michael are in the garden. Lisa is picking at the slight acne on Mario’s back. Lisa has been picking at the slight acne on Mario’s back for the last thirteen minutes. Mario tells Michael that as a health and safety executive, and as somebody who has managed over 500 staff (did you know?), he has done a mental risk assessment, and feels it would be at the benefit of all, if Michael was to wear inflatable armbands, incase he fell into the pool and frantic with concern, drowned. Lisa nods her head, commenting that, Mario has been in the army, and his ideas are the only ideas. Lisa continues, to pick at the slight acne on Marios back.

12:11am
Dale, Jennifer and Stuart are in the bathroom. Jennifer is putting on her makeup; she has been doing this, for the last fifty nine minutes. Dale is trying to convey his emotions. ‘I just like, ****ing hell, I just like, like it. Like, I’m not a dick, like, do you know what I mean, like?’. Jennifer simpers, and asks Dale and Stuart why they like her, because although being devestaingly attractive, inside and outside the house, she has done nothing to attract the attention. Sylvia sees Stuart though the bathroom glass and winks.
Sylvia has been watching Stuart through the glass, for the last fifty nine minutes.

13:56am
Some of the housemates are in the kitchen. Rex is cooking the housemate’s lunch for them. Mohammad and his hair have already consumed a packet of penne, two ham burgers, a serving of chickpeas and twenty two pieces of toasts. Rex suggests Mohammad and his hair stop eating by saying; ‘Mo if you were at one of my one million pound food industry empire outlets, I probably would suggest you had a dish of steamed vegetables. It’ll still cost about thirty two pounds though. I would give it to you for free though because I earn so much it would make no difference. Did I tell you I’ve bought my girlfriend three LV’s?’

15:32pm
Rachel Katreya and Luke are in the lounge. Rachel has been telling her fellow housemates a pleasant, moral-filled story, with uplifting undertones. Rachel tells fellow housemates that she will stop if they like, as this is a fair diplomatic society, but if they would rather she continued, then she is happy to do so. At the mention of the word happy, Katreya explodes in a rendition of ‘happy house’. Luke, when obvious he is not being watched by fellow housemates, raises his eyebrows and leaves, to tell Jennifer and Dale.