1. Robbie Williams rejoins Take That.
2. George Bush gets a divorce so he can marry an Iraqi communist called Mohammad.
3. A UFO flown by Elvis, a yeti and a unicorn crash-lands onto the Loch Ness Monster.
4. Taunton Athletic Paper-Boys’ Sunday League Division 4 Reserve Team wins the FA Cup.
5. In another BB twist, Mikey turns out to be not really blind.
6. Scientists invent a pill which can cure decapitation.
7. Mo has a kinky threesome with Reece Witherspoon and Selma Blair in a bath filled with pineapple jelly.
YOUR SUGGESTIONS..?