[Clockers]

I have just finished a nice large Kofte Kebab and whilst I type my Eviction Blog I am tucking into some lovely dried figs to help with my digestion.

I started my BB day from 5:40pm by arriving to the land of Burberry and Elizebeth Burke Jewellery, Borehamwood.

My torture began when lining up in an allocated BB que outside Tescos. I thought I saw allot of Chavs on arrival to Borehamwood but the BB que was bursting at the seems with Teeny Boppers and Chav-You-Likes galore. I tend to take the piss out of Chavs allot on this forum so I was truely living in a nightmare.

For almost 3 hours I was standing in a que trying to burn time, observing the habits of of people standing front and back of me, talking to my mates about god knows what while trying to keep my sanity. Trying to hold my tongue was a test of my nerve, I had an abundant of Chavs jokes wanting to burst out of me.

Finally the que is moving and I have thought to myself, is this sh!t really worthy it cos C4 have made no access for food and drink and there is only 2 toilets for hundreds of audience members.

As the moving que has turned a corner, I see the Mecca that is the big brother house from the rear. OMG I have made it, and seeing the house with my own 2 eyes made me realise what a lame cheap building it is. The BB house looks like it been put together by Blue Peter, not as an impressive site as I was expecting. I also see one of my poker buddies as a security guard, had a 5 min chin wag with him when I left.

The Chavs and Teen Boppers are in full force now, the warm up guy is doing his thing and making crude jokes. My Body is killing me 5 mins to show time and I have not had a chance to sit down or relax since i got to this crap pile.

Davina has arrived and the crowd goes crazy, they are all chanting her name like she is the Messiah. The show starts, Davina says a colourful intro and I cannot see jack cos these mofos are blocking my view with their god dam signs.

The first hour is over and Davina has not annouced that Cairon has been evicted and regardless who was getting the boot, I am pissed because I wanna get the fcuk out of Elstree. Luckliy the gods were on my side, the eviction of Cairon was 15-20 mins earlier than it was actually shown on TV. I did not have to wait long to see The Fresh Prince of Bell End get the boot. Always a cool site seeing those doors open and watching the evictee leave to a corus of boos and jeers.

I am beyond fedup by now, I watch Cairon interview on the plasma screen and get back to my car asap and buy some food cos I am fcuking hungry. It gone 11, my feet are finished and my belly rumbling like I have not eaten for a month.

My summary is the eviction nights are no fun for audience members, I have endured a nightmare of standing on my plates and more worryingly surrounded by more chavs than I thought were humanly possible.

If the my spelling and grammer is fcuked, forgive me I am Knackerd.