[True Whorror]

Brian: So Denise, how does it feel to be out of the house?

Denise: Oh, I'm so happy to be out. I couldn't take it anymore in there. It's insane. You almost had to beg Big Brother to give me a drink in there. It was hell. But I was me, me, me all the time.

Brian: Some would say drink was one of your downfalls?

Denise: You saw the bit on the staircase then?

Brian: We saw quite a lot of you in the house, to be frank.

Denise: Oh, you mean my t**s?

Brian: No! Please Denise, don't lift your top up!

*Denise lifts her top up and exposes her chest with the words 'drunk like me' written in lipstick across her breasts*

Denise: Look, I've just been me in the house.

Brian: Some would argue that you've been two people, once you've had a drink.

Denise: Oh come on, I'm hardly an alcoholic.

Brian: You think?

Denise: You think I am? I've acted perfectly reasonably in the house. Yes, I like a drink. I'm just a regular northern lass who like some fun.

Brian: ..but can't you see that you change once you've had a drink? You become insanely argumentative.

*Denise sips on her 'water'*

Denise: You know what Brian? I stuck up for you in that house! You had my back. Everyone was saying they prefer Davina to you, that you're just a wannabe who got lucky winning the show, and you have the bare-faced cheek to call me a drunk, live on national TV? I'm a ****ing national treasure, me. Have you seen me acting? Have you? Have you?

Brian: You sound awfully bitter.

Denise: Yes, give me a pint! NOW!!!!!

Brian: Tell us about your relationship with Michael.

*Denise burps*

Denise: Michael? He adores me. I adore Michael. I just couldn't stand to be in that ****ing house with him any longer. He's American, you know.

Brian: But it seemed like you deliberately went out to annoy him, to invade his space.

Denise: He wanted me! You only see 45 minutes of each day!

Brian: He called you 'emotionally disturbed'

Denise: Yes, he meant that I was unsure of my romantic feelings towards him. He was going to fast for me. I just wanted him to slow down.

Brian: I don't think he fancied you.

*Denise starts to cry - again*

Brian: I think you need to go and have a lie down, and stay calm.

Denise: I am calm, I've had seven glasses of wine, two whiskeys and three gin and tonics and a brandy. Who are you? Why are you here? Where's Michael? Can we be lifelong friends on the outside? My kids will be proud. Where's my husband? Tim? Where is he? My family? Where are they? Loose Women? Are they here?

*the lights go down in the studio*

Denise: Michael! Brian! Twins! Romes! Where art thou Romes? Is this the lock in? Who am I? Where am I?

*Denise wakes up to the curtains being pulled back and a warm smile hovers over her*

Nurse: Morning Denise, time for your medication....

[mr rochester]

Wouldn't it be terrible for Denise and her family if this was taken seriously? - It's so well written and I particularly loved the funny bit where Michael was going to fast for Denise - a good fast always does a person good - however, it might be construed as cruel...

Great writing skills though - a sit-com writer in the making (if not already).

Mental illness is a very serious issue and probably not the right thing to be using these very clever and enviable writing skills on. It just opens the door for abuse - never a good thing really. Denise is struggling (evidently) and it's really sad. I believe she has struggled for some time. A little bit of compassion and some small attempt at understanding might go a long way.

Just something for consideration - not trying to preach or cause any offence - I just think she has opened herself up and is getting very small reward for it and I worry that her children might read all the stuff being bandied around about their mum.

Can you write anther funny, observational piece though? (Maybe with a less controvertial subject...)

[Marsh.]

Erm, not funny. In response to poster above, it's not great writing skills. It reads like a Little Britain sketch, very obvious and forced.

[mr rochester]

Originally Posted by 08marsh

Erm, not funny. In response to poster above, it's not great writing skills. It reads like a Little Britain sketch, very obvious and forced.

Quite possibly - but the composition and flow was good.

However, setting that aside my response was more to highlight the unkind nature of the piece in the firm hope that the writer could direct the will and time it took to write elsewhere in their attempt to entertain.

Once again I reiterate the issue of mental health problems - in particular depression. Not a comedic subject (imo).

[True Whorror]

Originally Posted by mr rochester

Quite possibly - but the composition and flow was good.

However, setting that aside my response was more to highlight the unkind nature of the piece in the firm hope that the writer could direct the will and time it took to write elsewhere in their attempt to entertain.

Once again I reiterate the issue of mental health problems - in particular depression. Not a comedic subject (imo).

Well, I do agree with you re: the depression/mental health thing. I have suffered depression, panic disorder, anxiety attacks for years now - been through every possible treatment, and have accepted that it's just part of my make-up. I would never, deliberately, make fun of those who suffer as I know exactly HOW bad they are.

Glad you liked the 'mock' interview - it was just a bit of fun! I could have done better had I focussed more on it!

Good luck to everyone and their favourites tonight!

Originally Posted by 08marsh

Erm, not funny. In response to poster above, it's not great writing skills. It reads like a Little Britain sketch, very obvious and forced.

Is correct.

A comedy writer? Not unless they bring back coming of age.

[Marc]

.... no