[Z]

Meeting Strangers Online Is The Best Thing Ever
Nov. 24, 2012

By Chelsea Fagan

One of the things I remember hearing upon getting my first computer all to myself was this chirping, worried chorus, echoed from every direction: “Don’t talk to strangers.” My parents, my school, any adult figures in my life who had only my best interest at heart told me the same thing. They were right, in many ways. It’s true that children and teenagers on the internet — hell, anyone, really, but especially them — are vulnerable to predators and scams. People have been robbed, hurt, even killed from talking to the wrong people online. It was only right for us to be warned not to stray too far away from our AIM buddy list at the tender age of 12 and a half.

But I have found, as I’ve grown and expanded my internet presence to include a healthy mix of people I know in real life and people I’ve only met through online communication, that some of my best friends and even significant others have been people I’ve met on the internet. People that are geographically impossible to see on a regular basis (or even meet in person, occasionally) have proven to be wonderful friends who are there for me, even across time zones and in spite of never having hugged in person, when I need it most. Occasionally the convenience of real-life friends you see almost every day can numb the closeness you have; you can take one another for granted or not be as loving as you should. But despite the effort it takes to maintain a long-distance relationship, these “online” friends have never resented the lack of convenience.

On the eve of Thanksgiving (my second in a foreign country), I was feeling pretty down over not having my family and friends from home around me on such a significant holiday. Though I would later speak to my parents that evening, I initially spent an hour or so on Gchat talking about loneliness and being far away from people you love with a friend who made me feel, even for a minute, a little less alone. And I’ve never met this girl in real life. There are people who would tell me that she is not a “real” friend because we have never solidified it with an essential in-person meeting, or because we did not grow organically through the sometimes-forced intimacy of daily exposure.

And yet nothing could be further from the truth. Whether or not an “internet” friend has the chance to spread their wings in your day-to-day life, their importance in feeling connected to other human beings is not something that can be arbitrarily determined by how physically close they are to you. Because connection is comprised of so much more than shared activities or touch. Yes, it can absolutely reinforce relationships to do things together in person, but there are so many people with whom we share endless interaction in our daily lives whom we never really understand. There is no one kind of relationship that is inherently “better” or “more real” than another; it depends entirely on how you make each other feel.

There is a certain kind of honesty that we allow ourselves, too, when we neither see this person every day nor share with them a common history. We come together without the baggage and appearance that follows us around in almost every other encounter, we can be the unfiltered versions of ourselves we often only allow when we are not in overtly social situations. We can be quiet and independent and still talkative, still sharing, still open completely with someone else. This does not mean that your online friends automatically know you better than anyone else, only that so much of the pressure that can initially accompany friendship is absent.

Everything is voluntary. Everything is a step you make in their direction, something you actively choose to do because you want to be around them, to get to know them. Maybe there is a certain false perfection to these relationships because you are sometimes never able to ruin them with the inevitable flaws of proximity and face-to-face interaction. But there is an oasis in the people we only know from behind the screen, a feeling of relief that you can finally be exactly who you are and there are still people who will seek you out and enjoy your company. So many of us feel so isolated in daily life, until we can go online and find a group of kindred spirits who tell us over and over, in so many words, that we are not alone and never have to feel that way again.

Few things break my heart more than hearing that these friends aren’t “real.” Are our conversations, the ones that last hours and cover topics I’ve never talked about openly with someone before, not real? Are the secrets we keep for each other not real? Are the jokes we create between us only a figment of our collective imagination? No, of course not. We are real, as much as any other friends are. And yes, at one point, they were just “strangers on the internet,” but everyone starts as a stranger. Only the very special ones will ever be called “friend.”

Read more at http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/meeti...dZRgESOmyed.99

I just read this article and it made me smile, as I was thinking of TiBB and TiBBers when I read it. What do you make of it? Do you agree or disagree?

[Munchkins]

YES.
for example i have been talking to Mollie and Leon for a good few hours tonight, more than i can with a lot of friends irl

[Benjamin]

Yes, friends are people who you share a connection with. People can argue otherwise but back in the day people had pen friends that they had never met, this is just a modern day version with quicker effects and better relationships.

[Ramsay]

Ben has it spot on

[Benjamin]

Karl, **** off, I will not be your friend no matter how much you suck up.

[Jords]

Of course

[Black Dagger]

I think so...

I count plenty of TIBB people as those who I am close to.

I don't do rl friends. ngl.

I only have a connection with like 5 people irl..

Where as internet friends I don't know, it's strange.

[King Gizzard]

I have far more online friends so

[Ramsay]

Originally Posted by ukturtle

Karl, **** off, I will not be your friend no matter how much you suck up.

COME AT ME BRO!l DO YOU EVEN LIFT??

[Benjamin]

Originally Posted by Karl

COME AT ME BRO!l DO YOU EVEN LIFT??

Dear Karl, you're a ****. please **** off and get hit by a unicycle. I HATE YOU.

[King Gizzard]

One of my 'closest' friends lives in nevada and we met on twitter ffs lol..we talk on the xbox loads and on twitter/facebook

[Josy]

Yeah I think so, there a handful of members from here that I would call real friends.

[Brother Leon]

Yeah they can be. For instance, look how wrapped up we all are over Vicky's pregnancy. It's great to see

[nicole_burks]

One of my friends used to live out in Cali and I met her via the Internet, now she goes to college here in Georgia and we're supposed to meet up

So I believe this is true, to an extent

[King Gizzard]

It would be interesting to see how different it would be in real life, bet there would be loads of different friendship groups and people different in real life, for one I would be nervous and shy as **** for most of the time

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Nathan

It would be interesting to see how different it would be in real life, bet there would be loads of different friendship groups and people different in real life, for one I would be nervous and shy as **** for most of the time

This, I would probably make you look really confident in comparison.

Anyway to answer the OP, yes I would say I have real friends on TIBB.

[Benjamin]

I'd say I'd be awkward in front of you lot in real life, but I probably wouldn't as I talk to most people and am generally pretty easy to get on with.

Most people I meet and that are my best friends have met me when I'm having one of my rare mega paddy's that are apparently hilarious to watch.

[Shaun]

i've never felt anything for any of you

[Brother Leon]

Originally Posted by Shaun

i've never felt anything for any of you

Thought we had something going...

*goes to be crying*

[Jamie585]

I have more friends on here than I do in real life

[Ammi]

..I think so..I've never felt it any differently from real life friends, it's just the communication of it which is different...my friendships are very genuine and I care about some people on here no less than if I had ever met them in real life.....

...but I'm of a different generation to most people and I'm often told that forum friendships are fickle and shouldn't be taken too seriously...so I can only say how I feel...I never have fickle friendships..I either connect with people on here or I don't..just the same as in real life..and if I do connect with them, then I think of them as any other friend..whether because of the age difference it would ever be possible to have the same friendship with them in real life...well, I guess maybe it wouldn't..so I'm glad the internet makes it possible to have those friendships....

[InOne]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..I think so..I've never felt it any differently from real life friends, it's just the communication of it which is different...my friendships are very genuine and I care about some people on here no less than if I had ever met them in real life.....

...but I'm of a different generation to most people and I'm often told that forum friendships are fickle and shouldn't be taken too seriously...so I can only say how I feel...I never have fickle friendships..I either connect with people on here or I don't..just the same as in real life..and if I do connect with them, then I think of them as any other friend..whether because of the age difference it would ever be possible to have the same friendship with them in real life...well, I guess maybe it wouldn't..so I'm glad the internet makes it possible to have those friendships....

Ammi is a great friend to me. So I do hope she's real and not some android talking somewhere

[Alf]

Youtube video

[SharkAttack]

Originally Posted by wannashag

Youtube video

Watch the InBTWs friends montage at least once a month. Have my kids saying "car friend," although I can't let them watch the actual show, because someone would call Child Protective Services asap.

[Kate!]

I agree. I've formed bonds with people on here, and in real life I very much hold people at arms length, I only have one or two that I meet once in a while for a cuppa and a chat, if I go to the cinema its with my son or my sister in law, I spend time with my mum regularly. That's about it.

I have my reasons for not letting people in.

Somehow though its different on here. I've taken a lot of you to my heart and I care about what's going on with you all, major examples recently are Scott and Vicky (we've had a couple of dingdongs but I've had support from her too over something I told her once)

I don't mind if some read this and think its sad. Maybe so but there you go.

TiBB - I salute Ye