[Redway]

Don't mean to sound shallow or anything but would feelings of being very unattractive (on your or partner's side) be a slight barrier?

[Samm]

No, because you partner will love you if your in a relationship

[Ammi]

...hmmm, that is possible..do you mean if someone has a very low self image..?..

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Ammi

...hmmm, that is possible..do you mean if someone has a very low self image..?..

Either. Two examples would be (on someone's side) feeling inadequate and 'not good enough' for a partner because of feeling unattractive and someone (partner's side) with genuine feelings of affection and love but is put off because of thinking the partner's unattractive.

A slightly more extreme case would be if one had BBD so an incredibly distorted view of how they look, so might especially feel they're not in the partner's league or something.

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Redway

Either. Two examples would be (on someone's side) feeling inadequate and 'not good enough' for a partner because of feeling unattractive and someone (partner's side) with genuine feelings of affection and love but is put off because of thinking the partner's unattractive.

A slightly more extreme case would be if one had BBD so an incredibly distorted view of how they look, so might especially feel they're not in the partner's league or something.

You mean Body Dysmorphic Disorder? I have that.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristMASS EFFECT

You mean Body Dysmorphic Disorder? I have that.

That's the one and

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Redway

Either. Two examples would be (on someone's side) feeling inadequate and 'not good enough' for a partner because of feeling unattractive and someone (partner's side) with genuine feelings of affection and love but is put off because of thinking the partner's unattractive.

A slightly more extreme case would be if one had BBD so an incredibly distorted view of how they look, so might especially feel they're not in the partner's league or something.

..ahh, ok..so you mean when you're first attracted to someone and that someone feels in some way not worthy of your affection, type thing..?...

...hmm, yeah, I think that could be a problem in that it would perhaps be very difficult to persuade them of the things that you liked about them/their good qualities or their physically attractive qualities..so that would maybe hinder the relationship from going forward because you would be stuck in that place of trying to persuade them of seeing in themselves what you see in them...I think for me, 'feeling lovely/beautiful' is knowing and believing that your partner believes you are, it's not so much that you are but that you see yourself through their eyes ...and it would be very frustrating to not be able to make someone feel that...lol, does that make any sense..?..

[AnnieK]

I am not really aware of BDD, what actually is it? You feel ugly and worthless or deeper than that? I hope I'm not being rude, I've just never really read much about it

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Angel~Annie

I am not really aware of BDD, what actually is it? You feel ugly and worthless or deeper than that? I hope I'm not being rude, I've just never really read much about it

Pretty much. In a nutshell it's an obsession over personal appearance or certain aspects of personal appearance that causes extreme distress and destroys your life. In a typical day I could be in front of a mirror for up to 4 hours and bear in mind I'm a male with no make-up regime.

Some people with BDD can see horrible images of themselves in the mirror that other people can't even see. It's like funhouse mirrors meets Groundhog Day meets the elephant man film.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by ChristMASS EFFECT

Pretty much. In a nutshell it's an obsession over personal appearance or certain aspects of personal appearance that causes extreme distress and destroys your life. In a typical day I could be in front of a mirror for up to 4 hours and bear in mind I'm a male with no make-up regime.

Some people with BDD can see horrible images of themselves in the mirror that other people can't even see. It's like funhouse mirrors meets Groundhog Day meets the elephant man film.

are you serious? and im being serious!

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

are you serious? and im being serious!

Yeh.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by ChristMASS EFFECT

Yeh.

its funny I mentioned to kaz that you where a good looking bloke but did not seem to have a lot confidence.

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Angel~Annie

I am not really aware of BDD, what actually is it? You feel ugly and worthless or deeper than that? I hope I'm not being rude, I've just never really read much about it

It's when you actually see yourself as extremely ugly, hate looking at yourself and have a distorted image of yourself, to the point of not believing anyone who gives you a compliment etc, very deep seated in a persons psyche.

Similar to anorexics who truly see themselves as fat when they look in the mirror. False and negative self image.

[Chuck]

I've seen many cases where the guy wasn't as attractive as the girl and he knew it and he felt very lucky to have her as girlfriend so he just got very possessive and wouldn't let her go out with her mates and wear short skirts etc. All these relationships ended because of it or also because of it.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Chuck Norris

I've seen many cases where the guy wasn't as attractive as the girl and he knew it and he felt very lucky to have her as girlfriend so he just got very possessive and wouldn't let her go out with her mates and wear short skirts etc. All these relationships ended because of it or also because of it.

..yeah, I guess if you feel 'not worthy' of someone, it can cause a possessiveness as well, which obviously wouldn't be constructive to a 'two sided/equal' relationship...

[x-evenstar-x]

Here's a quote from the NHS website:

'Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia, is an anxiety disorder that causes sufferers to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance and to have a distorted view of how they look.
For example, they may be convinced that a barely visible scar is a major flaw that everyone is staring at, or that their nose looks abnormal.
Having BDD does not mean the person is vain or self-obsessed.
When does low confidence turn into BDD?

Almost everyone feels unhappy about the way they look at some point in their life, but these thoughts usually come and go and can be forgotten.
However, for someone with BDD, the thought of a flaw is very distressing and does not go away.
The person believes they are ugly or defective and that others perceive them in this way, despite reassurances from others about their appearance.
BDD can lead to depression and even thoughts of suicide.'

[AnnieK]

Is it so something that you've always had Kyle or is something that has started later?

[x-evenstar-x]

Originally Posted by Angel~Annie

Is it so something that you've always had Kyle or is something that has started later?

I guess Kyle can tell you about himself but in general it's something developed by outside influences in our lives and it commonly surfaces when a person is in their teens.

[AnnieK]

Originally Posted by x-evenstar-x

I guess Kyle can tell you about himself but in general it's something developed by outside influences in our lives and it commonly surfaces when a person is in their teens.

Ah right, so it is like anorexia then? It's awful that not more is known about this..

[x-evenstar-x]

Originally Posted by Angel~Annie

Ah right, so it is like anorexia then? It's awful that not more is known about this..

Emm in a way, it's more similar to OCD than anorexia in the way the mind works with it all but I suppose it's similar with seeing distorted images of ourselves.

[AnnieK]

Originally Posted by x-evenstar-x

Emm in a way, it's more similar to OCD than anorexia in the way the mind works with it all but I suppose it's similar with seeing distorted images of ourselves.

Yeah, sorry, I meant like most anorexics start in adolescence, once puberty hits and body image becomes a big deal...

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Angel~Annie

Is it so something that you've always had Kyle or is something that has started later?

It starts for most people in adolescence Annie and it did for me too. It started for me with the odd comment about my nose then an obsession over that developed and before you know it every part of your body gets heavily scrutinised.

[AnnieK]

Originally Posted by ChristMASS EFFECT

It starts for most people in adolescence Annie and it did for me too. It started for me with the odd comment about my nose then an obsession over that developed and before you know it every part of your body gets heavily scrutinised.

Well, I hope your therapy goes someway to allowing you to see what other people see....a good looking guy, with nothing to scrutinise. I guess it's an uphill struggle though? It's great that you can about it on here, as you've said it coukd just help someone who is struggling and thinking they are the only person who feels this way...

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Angel~Annie

Well, I hope your therapy goes someway to allowing you to see what other people see....a good looking guy, with nothing to scrutinise. I guess it's an uphill struggle though? It's great that you can about it on here, as you've said it coukd just help someone who is struggling and thinking they are the only person who feels this way...

Statistically there probably will be.

I wish Redway was still online I'd love to ask him or her how they know about it because like you said not a lot is known about it in the general public.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristMASS EFFECT

Statistically there probably will be.

I wish Redway was still online I'd love to ask him or her how they know about it because like you said not a lot is known about it in the general public.

Apologies for replying late... only just seen this. Anyway, I tend to disregard media sources for portraying hyperbolic, offensive ideas about mental illness but there is the odd good story up on that sort of thing. But I've always been quite interested in psychological matters, so have kind of done my own research about it.

Views on mental health to the general public are indeed often ill-informed and stereotypical but I find there's an increasingly available amount of awareness on it; there was a show called Bedlam a couple of weeks back, featuring one of the oldest and infamous asylums and how it's now being used to help people with serious issues. Don't think there was BDD but certainly the likes of manic depression and extreme OCD, which was a real eye-opener go me and the unfortunate stigma they still face in their everyday lives.

There was quite some focus on anxiety disorders (such as OCD), so perhaps body dysmorphic disorder fits into that?