[MB.]

Now with 100% less transphobia!

[you may have noticed that graphic design is not my passion]

With season 10 of Drag Race having just launched, and with the drama surrounding the riggory, tomfoolery and straight up buffoonery of All Stars 3 still lingering in the air like the scent of Kenney Davenport's puss, I figured it might be fun to run our own version, in which you get to choose (more or less) everything that happens. That’s right, you’ll have control of every twist, tuck and tantrum: each round, I’ll post a link to a poll in which you'll get to cast your votes on what will happen that episode, from who wins the challenge to who lip syncs for their life. Think of yourself as a drag dictator. Kim Jong UNHhhh, if you will. I’ll use the results to write the series (for example, I’ll pick from the top two vote-getters for elimination to sashay away, based on which makes more sense from a narrative point of view). You’ll also get to vote on your favourite and least favourite queens, which will also influence who lasts long and who does a Magnolia Crawford. Depending on how many responses I get, and also on whether or not my laptop decides to work, the episodes will be every two days or so, meaning this should all be wrapped up in about a month.

But what’s so “alternative” about this, Mr MB, I hear you ask? Well, that’s the thing. The queens you’ll be voting on won’t be the fierce and fabulous cast of season 10, but a specially-crafted group of brand new (and very real… well, as real as a drag queen can be under all that silicone) contestants, most of which have been plucked by yours truly from Instagram. I’ve done a bit of research to put together bios for each of them, and I hope they’ll be an entertaining cast for the gays of TiBB to use as their puppets if nothing else. They'll be taking part in original challenges, also concocted by moi, but those are the only things that are planned. Everything else will be squarely your fault.

Very shortly, I’ll be revealing the queens one-by-one, before posting the first survey of the season for you to have your say on this motley cRu (my puns will only get worse from here on out, so brace yourselves)

So gentlemen, start your engines, and may whichever woman a bunch of forum members arbitrarily decide to get behind, win!

-----

[just for clarification, I’ve spoken to Riley about this considering he’s also just launched a Drag Race game, and he’s fine with it, the darling that he is]

[RileyH]

this sounds great

[MB.]

Originally Posted by RileyH

this sounds great

Thanks boo!

I'll start introducing the queens in alphabetical order shortly. The theme of this season's promo lewks is individuality, meaning each queen has her own unique theme/background. C'mon VH1 budget!

[MB.]

Let's start with a bang...

Amanda Bang
from San Francisco, California



Not to be confused with the British queen of the same name, San Fran native Amanda Bang is described as the “gorgeous ghoul” of drag, and judging by her dark, horror-influenced style, she’s presumably one of those queens who wishes it could be Halloween all year round. Then again, her Instagram bio quotes a Jessie J song, so god knows where her inspiration really lies. Ever the creative queen, Amanda is no stranger to face paint, and can usually be seen in a pink or purple wig and distinctive black lip (she’s still in her goth phase, let her be). Bay Area queens like Amanda, Peaches Christ and Heklina are known for their dark humour and often less-refined drag style, which is perhaps why the only San Francisco queen to have appeared on Drag Race until now is Honey Mahogany (she tried, bless her). Can Amanda reverse the curse and put her city on the map?

The mug:



The looks:



The boy:



Here she is lip syncing to FKA Twigs’ Water Me:

Youtube video

[MB.]

Our next queen is dee-lightful...

Big Dee
from Long Beach, California



Big Dee (boy name Dennis Terrey), not to be confused with the Manchester queen of the same name, is a seasoned professional, which is a polite way of saying she's a old bitch. She’s a regular at clubs and bars across California, including the Velvet Lounge in Santa Ana, Hamburger Mary's in Long Beach and Micky's in West Hollywood (the latter of which is where you’ll also find Drag Race alumni as regular hosts and performers, including Morgan McMichaels and Raven), and has previously worked as a professional make-up artist, meaning she should know how to beat out a mug. Her other talents include comedy and creative lip syncs, the latter of which can be seen in one clip in which she performs Cher's Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves while dressed as Esmerelda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. C'mon Victor Hugo fish!

The mug:



The looks:



The boy:



Here she is lip syncing to Shirley Bassey's version of Get the Party Started:

Youtube video

[MB.]

Is that a bomb?! Oh phew, it's just Bombalicious...

Bombalicious Eklaver
from Baltimore, Maryland



Despite being one of this season’s older queens, the catchily-named Bombalicious Eklaver (boy name Ed Figueroa) only started doing drag a year and a half ago, having initially started making comedy videos that became popular in her home country. Originally from Manila, this Filipino queen burst onto the local drag scene and quickly took charge of it, fast becoming one of the top names in Baltimore and D.C. (I suppose the latter makes her the closest queen to Donald Trump this season, assuming none of the others play the role of Melania on the weekends). First and foremost a comedy queen, her drag style is at times gothy and sexy, but also emphasises the cultural aspects of her traditional Asian roots and isn’t afraid to make a bold statement (I’ll give you a clue: keep your eye out for snakes in the first episode). She may not be the most experienced of our queens, but she’s most certainly a hungry bitch.

The mug:



The looks:



The... ahem... boy:



Here she is lip syncing to Fergie’s London Bridge:

Youtube video

[MB.]

In the words of Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, get dese cookies...

Cookie Kunty
from Paris, France



In a season of firsts, Cookie Kunty (boy name Romain Eck) is the first ever French queen on Drag Race, unless you count Thorgy for not shaving her legs. Well, technically, Cookie isn’t French; she was born in Canada, and grew up in various different parts of the world with her nomadic parents (as a result, she speaks French, English and Spanish fluently). Having gained an interest in drag from drawing other queens, she moved to Paris to further her arts education, and subsequently made her name as a hostess on the drag scene there. She cites Japanese culture and the club kid scene as some of her biggest inspirations, as well as her sister, a transgender woman who used to be a drag queen. The pressure of representing an entire country doesn’t seem to be fazing this Cookie, who says that she uses champagne to clean her brushes, but will she crumble under the pressure of RuPaul’s Drag Race? She’ll have to risk it for the biscuit, that’s for sure.

The mug:



The looks:



The boy:



Here's an article (in French, so you may want to have Google Translate handy) on Cookie, although her surname breaks the swear filter so you'll have to type that in manually

https://garcon-magazine.com/2017/04/...lle-generation

[MB.]

They say Young hearts run free...

Eva Young
from Chicago, Illinois



Pharmacy student by day and drag queen by night, Eva Young (boy name Andy Zhang)’s high-end fashion and unclockable beats have seen her become the most Instafamous queen in this season’s cast, racking up over 56,000 followers. She describes drag as her creative, artistic outlet in contrast to her strict Asian upbringing, as her parents aren’t aware that their son is gay, let alone that she does drag. Her passion for drag began at the age of twelve, when she and her friend (Jacob Szymanski, aka fellow queen Harlet Wench) dressed up as zombie hookers for Halloween. Since then, she has appeared on Gia Gunn’s YouTube channel and has released a single with several of her fellow Chicago queens, including season 10’s The Vixen. Eva lists anime, specifically Sailor Moon, as one of her main inspirations, and hopes to become America’s first ever superstar drag queen pharmacist.

The mug:



The looks:



The boy:



Here she is lip syncing to Britney’s Gimme More:

Youtube video

[Mokka]

Oh I love this MB!!

[MB.]

Originally Posted by Mokka

Oh I love this MB!!

Thanks Mokka

Also, after I've posted all the queens I'll link to each of their Instagram accounts, just in case anyone wants to see/stan/dickpig for themselves

[Nicky91]

another wonderful thing from our icon MB

[MB.]

Originally Posted by Nicky91

another wonderful thing from our icon MB

Very kind of you Nicky

[RileyH]

Amanda looks amazing, 2 good choices

[Mokka]

Oh Cookie!
I was hoping a Canadian would make your list as a here Toronto hosts about 20 clubs that have drag acts on any given night

[RileyH]

oh wow Lady Boi is stunning

[MB.]

Originally Posted by RileyH

oh wow Lady Boi is stunning

The purple mug in the centre had me just a little shooketh when I saw it, I must admit

[RileyH]

omg boy dru

Not really feeling her looks tho

[MB.]

Which concludes our cast of fourteen queens!

Amanda Bang, the goulish glamourpuss [Insta: amandabangx]
Big Dee, the seasoned pro [Insta: bigdeelish]
Bombalicious Eklaver, the Filipino firecracker [Insta: bombalicious.eklaver]
Drü Holiday, the arty drag baby [Insta: druholidaydtx]
Cookie Kunty, the French-Canadian sugar rush [Insta: cookie_kunty]
Eva Young, the pharmacy student-turned-fashionista [Insta: evayoung_]
Honey Davenport, the New York pageant legend [Insta: thehoneyd]
Jessica L’Whor, the drag chameleon from Colorado [Insta: the_l.whor]
Lady Boi, the mischievous rising starlet [Insta: thatsladyboi]
Nicole Lynn Foxx, the New Orleans cabaret queen [Insta: _nicolelynnfoxx]
Rafaella Pop, the minx from Madrid [Insta: rafaellapop]
Valentine Addams, the self-proclaimed fairy princess [Insta: itsmevalentine]
VinChelle, the Tribal Queen-cum-club host [Insta: _vinchelle_]
Yvie Oddly, the shocking political queen [Insta: oddlyyvie]

In a moment, I'll post the link to the episode one survey, so I hope you're making your minds up on these queens because you're about to get your first taste of power...

[MB.]

Pre-season/episode 1 survey

There are ten questions (five on the season overall and five on the first episode), and it should only take a minute or two to complete. Feel free to be as creative with your decisions as you want, and feel free to look back over the queens' bios/photos to get a better impression of them. I really appreciate anyone who does the survey so thanks in advance

As a rough estimate, let's say you've got until Monday evening to fill it in, at which point I'll collect the results and write the episode!

[MB.]

Originally Posted by MB.

Pre-season/episode 1 survey

There are ten questions (five on the season overall and five on the first episode), and it should only take a minute or two to complete. Feel free to be as creative with your decisions as you want, and feel free to look back over the queens' bios/photos to get a better impression of them. I really appreciate anyone who does the survey so thanks in advance

As a rough estimate, let's say you've got until Monday evening to fill it in, at which point I'll collect the results and write the episode!

Last chance!

[Ammi]

..i’ve just watched the vids, MB...all great lip syncing....fabulous ladies.....



..anyway, Amanda I think is a little more Kate Bush than FKA Twigs.....

..I think ..(atm..)..I’m absolutely going to adore Big Dee..I loved her lip sync.....

..Bombalicious is delicious.....

...(..the link to the article on Cookie didn’t work for me btw..)...

...Jessica.....

..Lady Boi is spectacular.....

..I really felt the soul of Nicole Lynn with that song choice...../..emotional...

..Rafaella looks quite Cher...so she’s obviously fabulous.....also showing in the vid that orange is not the new black..there are much more fabulous alternatives to dusty old orange...

..Valentine, lovely and sexy moves.....


...Vinchelle Obama.....

..and Yvie is not oddly but obviously gorgeous.....



...I’m looking forward to the first episode more now I’ve seen the ladies performing.....

[MB.]

Episode #1 - Closet Queens
Part One

Scene: a currently empty werkroom.

VinChelle is the first queen to enter the otherwise empty werkroom, wearing a vintage red dress and a bow around her neck. “Guess I should have knocked first, huh?”, she asks herself, before kicking her high heels off and putting her feet up on a stool. “Might as well make myself at home…”

Spoiler:

“Let the bullfight commence, ladies!” says Rafaella Pop, wearing a red flamenco dress, complete with black hat and roses stuck to the side of her head. “You did red better than me, you bitch!” VinChelle laughs as she approaches her for a hug. Rafaella looks back, confused, and smiles politely. “I like your bow,” she finally brings herself to say.

Spoiler:

Big Dee is next in, donning a short leopard print dress and a red wig. “Nice tits, d’you get them on sale?” she asks nobody in particular. VinChelle screams.

Spoiler:

“I hope you’re sitting comfortably,” says Eva Young, posing in her sheer white gown and orange Elizabethan ruff, “because the show’s about to begin.” Once she’s over at the desk, she asks the other queens why she’s the only one not wearing red. “Oh my god, did I miss the memo?”

Spoiler:

“Did any of you ladies order a side of fish?” asks Jessica L’Whor, wearing an art deco-style gold and white leotard and thigh-high boots, in a slightly over-rehearsed manner. “Oh,” retorts Big Dee from across the room. “Here’s the ham I asked for.”

Spoiler:

“Honey, she’s home!” declares an exuberant Honey Davenport, dressed in a silver mini dress, as she twirls into the werkroom. Once she mentions that she’s from New York City, the other queens start discussing their hometowns. Jessica reveals that she's from Aurora, Colorado, while Eva says with pride that she's a Chicago queen. “I’ve come all the way from Madrid,” Rafaella tells the group. “...Madrid, Iowa?” Big Dee asks in return.

Spoiler:

“Boo, you whores,” says Valentine Addams. Eva reads her t-shirt and shouts, “nobody touch her!”, prompting Valentine to run towards her and give her a bear hug. “Mixed messages, girl,” says Jessica.

Spoiler:

Bombalicious Eklaver, dressed in a serpent costume, walks into the werkroom silently before letting out a loud hissing sound. “Alaska’s back!” yells Valentine in delight.

Spoiler:

[MB.]

Episode #1 - Closet Queens
Part Two

Next, Lady Boi struts into the werkroom wearing a light blue wig, places her hand on her hip and whispers: “I can’t read.” The other queens seem very intrigued by her presence, and one can be heard saying that she follows her on Instagram.

Spoiler:

“Happy Mardi Gras, queens,” smiles Nicole Lynn Foxx, dressed as a 1920s flapper. “I like your snake,” Nicole tells Bombalicious as they exchange air kisses, not sounding entirely convinced herself.

Spoiler:

“Death never looked so hot,” growls Amanda Bang confidently as she licks her lips. “I don’t know about that,” mumbles Big Dee from across the desk. “My aunt Joan was quite the looker even at that stage.”

Spoiler:

“I don’t speak German,” says Drü Holiday, holding a red cane, “but I can if you like.” Several queens scream at the Lady Gaga reference; in a confessional, Rafaella wonders what happened to her eyelids. “Did she do her makeup in the dark?”

Spoiler:

“Kunty by name... you know the rest,” winks Cookie Kunty upon entering the werkroom in a glittery emerald gown and white fur coat. “C’mon French fish!” Nicole, a New Orleans native, hollers. “C’mon les poisson!”

Spoiler:

Finally, Yvie Oddly, wearing a mask that covers her face, does a stilted, robotic walk into the werkroom, stands in silence, then death drops to the ground. “She’d like to keep it on, please,” says VinChelle, as the other queens look on awkwardly.

Spoiler:

She’s still lying there when Ru appears on the TV screen, prompting them all to gather.

In the message, Ru is dressed as an old woman, claiming that she’s come from the future to warn this group of queens about an impending fashion disaster: straight guys’ closets. The queens all gay-scream in unison as the message ends and boy Ru walks into the werkroom, welcoming them all to this season of RuPaul’s Drag Race and telling them that the first mini challenge is imminent. She then turns to Yvie, still lying on the ground, and riffs on Laganja’s famous catchphrase by saying, “c’mon Yvie Oddly, let’s get… up!”

[MB.]

Episode #1 - Closet Queens
Part Three

VinChelle meets Ru and a photographer backstage for the first mini challenge of the season. Ru explains that VinChelle will be joined in the photo shoot by a few special guests, at which point fifty grannies wearing dressing gowns walk in. “It’s like The Golden Girls on acid!” remarks VinChelle. The challenge, Ru explains, is for the queens to stand out in a sea of OAPs whichever way they can. What Ru doesn’t explain, but that becomes apparent once the photographer begins shooting, is that the grannies all take off their dressing gowns and pose naked, and that the queens must keep their cool in the midst of this, to a mixture of horror and delight from the queens themselves.

Various different approaches to the challenge are on display: Rafaella, Nicole, Cookie and Eva go for glamour, Lady Boi and VinChelle act more goofy, Drü, Valentine, Yvie and Bombalicious use the grannies as human props, Amanda and Jessica stand still and look as if they’d like the ground to swallow them up, Honey tries out a series of different outlandish positions (including bending over and doing the splits, remarking in a confessional that since she’d seen these ladies’ bits, it was only right that they saw hers), and Big Dee decides that if you can’t beat them, you should join them, and strips off as well.

Back in the werkroom, after everyone de-drags and spends several minutes fawning over Eva and Drü's boy looks, Ru returns to inform the queens that for showing the most charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent in her photo, Honey Davenport is the winner of the mini challenge. All the other queens applaud and Honey looks humble, but is at the same time seen in a confessional punching the air and screaming at a pitch only perceptible to dogs.

Ru then brings in the pit crew, who wheel in two seemingly identical closets, and introduces this week’s maxi challenge. As Drag Race’s fashion influence knows no bounds, the queens must take the contents of some of the ugliest wardrobes in America, belonging to either dusty grannies or even dustier straight guys, and turn them into high fashion couture looks ready for the runway. She explains that they’re allowed to use their own wigs, shoes and The Pointer Sisters, in or out of their Andrew Christian underwear, but everything else must come from the closets. To complicate things a little further, she asks the Pit Crew to open up the closets, and then says that as the winner of the mini challenge, it is up to Honey to designate one item to each queen.

First up, from the granny’s closet, Honey choses...

For Rafaella, a white bedsheet
For Bombalicious, several black bras
For Nicole, a box of white clothes buttons
For VinChelle, a box of white rubber gloves
For Drü, some red plaid pyjamas
For Yvie, a selection of dated-looking green towels
For Lady Boi, a spare roll of wallpaper from the back of the closet

And from the straight guy’s closet, she choses…

For Jessica, some stretched black leather belts
For herself, a brown dotted business shirt
For Big Dee, an oversized chequered casual shirt
For Eva, a pile of dusty denim jackets
For Amanda, some worn-out denim jeans
For Valentine, a selection of snazzy ties

After everything has been assigned, the closets are empty. Cookie looks around, confused, having not been assigned an item. At this point, Ru pipes up and mentions that the last item of the list is… the closet itself. Cookie looks horrified at the thought of having to make an outfit out of wood, and Nicole says she suddenly feels a lot better about having nothing but buttons to work with. Ru hands Cookie a saw and tells the queens to get to work with her trademark “gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman… win!”

[MB.]

Episode #1 - Closet Queens
Part Four

As Cookie stands at her station, saw in hand, wondering how on earth she’s going to be able to turn a wardrobe into a couture outfit in the space of a few hours, the other queens get started on their dresses. The queens who have clothes to work with, such as Big Dee, Drü and Amanda, seem confident, with Amanda saying that she’s figured out how she’ll turn her several pairs of jeans into a high fashion dress, and joking that she’ll probably be finished by the end of the day.

Eva, sorting through her pile of denim jackets, says that she feels a lot of pressure to impress, as people have always thought of her fashion as being of a high standard. “But Instagram isn’t always real life, girl,” Jessica warns her as she walks past her station, carrying her own box of leather belts, which she intends to turn into a jacket-and-skirt combo.

Yvie, who seems to have slightly isolated herself from the rest of the group following her entrance stunt, maps out her elaborate plan for turning towels into a gown. “I don’t think these things have seen daylight since the 1970s,” she winces, studying the mint green material, “but I’ve got something very high-concept in mind that I really hope I’ll have the time to pull off.”

Elsewhere, Valentine gets to work on sewing her ties together, while Rafaella struts around the werkroom with her bedsheet tied around her waist. “Don’t tell me that’s her outfit,” Amanda says to Big Dee as she liberally rolls her eyes in Rafaella’s direction. As the end of the day approaches and Bombalicious hurriedly sews her bras onto a corset, some of the queens watch Lady Boi, who hasn’t made much progress with her wallpaper dress. “She’s barely started. She’s still just playing around with her material when everyone else has a structure,” Jessica says. “Little girl’s got her head in the clouds,” Bombalicious agrees, looking up from her ever-growing mountain of bras. “And she’ll get herself into trouble if she ain’t careful.”

The next day, the queens return to the werkroom to finish their closet couture looks, with some looking more eager than others. Overnight, Yvie had a fashion nightmare, and the complex structure that she’d built to drape her towel construction around collapsed. “I’m not going to have the time to rebuild it,” she says, “so I’m going to have to come up with a plan B, and quickly.” She then confesses that she feels her outlandish entrance the previous day alienated her fellow queens, and as a result they wouldn’t be willing to help her with her look. “It may sound dumb, but I don’t think my outfit is the only thing I’m going to have to rebuild today.” She explains that she’s used to people being confused and uncomfortable with her drag style, but was hoping that it wouldn’t cause such a divide.

Meanwhile, Nicole puts the finishing touches to her outfit, which is a cocktail dress made out of buttons. She explains that she managed to individually tie them together with string, and even though it took a lot of effort, she hopes it’ll be worth it on the runway.

As Big Dee tries on her summer dress, made out of a single large shirt, Amanda tells her that she’s grateful for her being here. “There aren’t many of us West Coast bitches in the competition, so us Cali girls need to stick together.” Amanda goes on to explain that being from San Francisco, she’s used to her style of drag being underrepresented on Drag Race. “I’m only the second girl from my scene to do this show, and while I come from a very individual, unique group of queens, it feels kind of lonely to be the only one here. When you look around and you see so many Chicago girls, so many New York girls, so many Texas girls, and then there’s you, it can make you feel like you’re worth less.” She looks at her dress, made out of jeans piled on top of one another, and sighs. “I’m not happy with that.”

As the clock runs down, most of the queens sit around the mirror and do their make-up. Several queens sit in awe of Eva’s mug, with Jessica joking, “bitch, I need your secrets!”. Rafaella decides to ask Drü about her unique style of painting, which Drü says is down to not wanting to fit in with more conventional queens. “I’m an artist,” she explains, “and it sounds cliche but my body is my canvas. Painting like this allows me to become a cartoon character, or a piece of art, or something strange, or something strangely beautiful.” VinChelle says that it’s only fair that she doesn’t paint to look conventionally beautiful - “you’re far too damn good looking as a boy as it is!”.

Across the werkroom, Yvie and Lady Boi sit on their own, finishing off their looks, while Cookie, her hands a blistery mess, marvels at how she managed to make an outfit out of planks of wood.