[Fangz]

...No, really, I am.
There's this list of ways to tell if your child is a goth (and is therefore satan-worshipping, violent and delusional)
but a lot of it applies to anyone, no matter their age.
Here are some of the items I find the most disturbing.

Your child is dressing in black and worshipping Satan if:

- They are gay/bisexual. (These are probably the same people who stand around with banners that say '******s go to Hell')

- They drink alcohol. (OMFG!! Jesus drank alcohol! He must worship satan!)

- They misbehave at school/home. (But it's okay if they misbehave somewhere else.)
-They watch cable TV or view other 'corrupt media sources'.
-They express an interest in sex. (Only asexuals go to heaven, kiddies.)

- They complain of boredom. (That...honestly, it mocks itself...)

- Insists on spending time alone with their friends without adult supervision. (I'm sixteen, so technically I'm an adult. But what fifteen year old wants mummy holding their hand while they talk to their friends?)

There's a load of other crap on the list that's just as bad, but it won't let you copy-and-paste it, so I'm not typing it all.

Oh yeah, if more than five of the list-items apply to your child, seek professional help, you may still be able to salvage their soul.

http://www.mk-magazine.com/news/archives/001567.php

[Kore]

what a load of crap. lol

[Fangz]

I find it funny, as there are probably parents throwing a fit because they've convinced themselves their kids are chatting to Satan.

[Kore]

i suppose its funny watching people make a fool of themselves. lol

[Fangz]

Apparently, it counts against you if you shake your head vigorously to music. So head-bangers are the work of Satan.

[Kore]

im sorry, but this is pathetic, who writes these things, religious fanatics?? people like this need to be thrown in a nuthouse.

[Fangz]

I doubt they'd all fit in just the one nut-house. Oh well, at least Craig would get some new buddies.

[Kore]

[CharlotteSometimes]

Originally posted by Fangz

it won't let you copy-and-paste it, so I'm not typing it all.

It lets me. Perhaps you're still using Internet Explorer? (If you are, why?).

I've checked the excerpts that you've posted, Fizz, and I don't drink alcohol. Does that mean that Jesus will still want me for a sunbeam?

Anyway, here's the whole thing:

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) -Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.


If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

[Kore]

what a joke. its laughable..LOL!

[CharlotteSometimes]

Originally posted by Fangz

Apparently, it counts against you if you shake your head vigorously to music. So head-bangers are the work of Satan.

Well hey, you can't argue with that one. BURN THEM! BURN THE WITCHES!

[Fangz]

Actually, it can get pretty bad if you stand too close to them, and they headbutt you, so they may be slightly evil.
Yeah, I still use internet explorer. It's ****, but it's all I've ever known. I've grown quite attached to it really. Its flaws give it character. I think I'll call it Bob.

[CharlotteSometimes]

Being splashed with someone else's sweat kinda does it for me.

Get yourself Firefox. It will change your life. Probably.

[Fangz]

Mosh-pits are evil. I remember someone getting their nose broken in one...
...But I like Bob.

[CharlotteSometimes]

'Mosh' is such a turgid word.

So get Firefox, and call it Janet. Janet will share her wardrobe with you, and she gives an excellent foot massage, too.

[Fangz]

...Um, I've never really thought about it? I'm generally too busy trying to wriggle out of the sweaty group-hugs or forcing water down an under-age drunken girl's throat to mosh anyway. I always end up being the 'sensible' ones at gigs...

I'm keeping Bob. His stupidity is endearing. He reminds me of Anthony.

[CharlotteSometimes]

People will start to point at you and laugh really soon. Tabbed browsing is the new taupe.

[Fangz]

Janet...would probably make me feel stupid and insecure. Bob gives me a sense of superiority.
On that note, I think I'll retire for the night. Sweet dreams, Jo. xxx

[CharlotteSometimes]

And trojans.

You too, Fizz. xxx

[lilmissnaughty]

Oh well, I'll make sure I enjoy myself in hell, then.

[Siouxsie]

utter rubbish

[Ruth]

Just read that article and all I can say is

It would appear that I'm in trouble!

[Dan_]

I think most people might be lol, unless you're a God fearing bore.

[lilmissnaughty]

lol, we're all doomed!

[sol]

lol how pathetic