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ThisisBigBrother.com - UK TV Forums > Non Big Brother Chat > General Chat > Joke of the day! (Not for the easily offended)
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Old 18-11-2005, 12:15 PM #1
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Default Joke of the day! (Not for the easily offended)
Two friends signed up for college. When they looked at their schedules, the first friend noticed he had Logical Reasoning as a class. Not knowing what it was, he went to the class and asked the teacher what logical reasoning was. The teacher than proceeded to explain:

"Do you have a lawn mower?"
"Yes," replied the guy.
"You have a lawn mower, which means you have a lawn, which means you have a house, which means you have kids, which means you have a wife, which means you're straight."

When he got out of class, he met with his friend who asked him what logical reasoning was about.

"Well," said the guy. "Do you have a lawn mower?"
"No," replied the friend.
"Well, there you go...then you're gay!"
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Old 18-11-2005, 05:40 PM #2
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Old 18-11-2005, 06:32 PM #3
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lol that me chuckle
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Old 18-11-2005, 08:05 PM #4
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What do you get if you cross an owl with a dog?
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Old 18-11-2005, 08:06 PM #5
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What do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the Great have in common?

The same middle name.
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Old 18-11-2005, 09:45 PM #6
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Oh cc, you make me laugh so.
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Old 19-11-2005, 11:35 AM #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by sol
What do you get if you cross an owl with a dog?
no idea
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Old 19-11-2005, 12:04 PM #8
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I have no idea either... O_o

What's the difference between Hitler and Paula Radcliffe?


(this could be perceived as insulting so if anyone has any objections to WWII remarks then please say)
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Old 19-11-2005, 12:19 PM #9
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What do Gareth Gates and Harold Shipman have in common?

Neither of them could complete a sentence.

(Yeah, kinda offensive I guess. Any serious objections and I'll delete it.)
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Old 19-11-2005, 02:45 PM #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ziola
I have no idea either... O_o

What's the difference between Hitler and Paula Radcliffe?


(this could be perceived as insulting so if anyone has any objections to WWII remarks then please say)
Dunno.. do tell..

And I think maybe this thread should be renamed with an offense warning, so we can tell offensive jokes! lol
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Old 19-11-2005, 09:19 PM #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by Stropz
Quote:
Originally posted by sol
What do you get if you cross an owl with a dog?
no idea
an owlsation (alsation)
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Old 19-11-2005, 10:10 PM #12
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: laugh:
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Old 19-11-2005, 10:25 PM #13
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Old 20-11-2005, 07:32 PM #14
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A few truly awful ones, but I just have to add them:-

1. What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?


Roberto Q: What does a dog get when he multiplies 88 times 7?

and the second awful one.....................

2. velcro, what a rip off


3.

Q: What does a dog get when he multiplies 88 times 7?

A: The wrong answer.
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Old 20-11-2005, 07:51 PM #15
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Oh Dear! Those were truly shocking! lol
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Old 24-11-2005, 08:36 PM #16
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"Are they celebrating christmas in Vietnam this year?"

"well, they will be hanging Glitter"
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Old 31-07-2006, 06:02 PM #17
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I have a Labrador retriever.

I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

On impulse, I told her that no, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again....Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time,but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

Practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
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Old 31-07-2006, 06:20 PM #18
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hay - theres a thread for jokes already! none of these are better than mine though...



http://www.thisisbigbrother.com/foru....php?tid=46974
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Old 31-07-2006, 06:24 PM #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by abs
hay - theres a thread for jokes already! none of these are better than mine though...



http://www.thisisbigbrother.com/foru....php?tid=46974
ex-squeeeeeze me Mr Abs.. but I think you will find that my thread was here first... so to you! HaHa!
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Old 31-07-2006, 06:52 PM #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by Stropz
Quote:
Originally posted by abs
hay - theres a thread for jokes already! none of these are better than mine though...



http://www.thisisbigbrother.com/foru....php?tid=46974
ex-squeeeeeze me Mr Abs.. but I think you will find that my thread was here first... so to you! HaHa!
LMAO

just thought i would start a little trouble!
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Old 31-07-2006, 07:08 PM #21
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Stropz Pet food joke was a laugh.

No way could anyone say that with a straight face in real life though, and I know plenty of wind up merchants.

Having worked in a supermarket for a long time, I could see the scene wonderfully.
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Old 31-07-2006, 09:02 PM #22
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Quote:
Originally posted by abs
LMAO

just thought i would start a little trouble!
That's my job...

Quote:
Originally posted by Sidrat2006
Stropz Pet food joke was a laugh.

No way could anyone say that with a straight face in real life though, and I know plenty of wind up merchants.

Having worked in a supermarket for a long time, I could see the scene wonderfully.
I'm the queen of dead-pan Sidrat... I can carry off many a good wind-up and keep a straight face...
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Old 01-08-2006, 10:24 AM #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by Stropz
ex-squeeeeeze me Mr Abs..
mmmm - did you mean excuse me, or do you have something else on your mind?!?
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Old 02-08-2006, 01:10 PM #24
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lmao that first joke had me stitches.. very good! -x-
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Old 02-08-2006, 04:12 PM #25
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haha i love the dog food one lol
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