[James]

20 May 2006

POLLY HUDSON'S SHALLOWOMETER

Polly Hudson

MOVERS and shakers in the house by the show's No1 fan...

PETE

I like him more than I did at the start, but not much. Keeps shouting "w*****s" so has proved himself eloquent at summing up his fellow housemates.

GEORGE

So posh he makes Will Young look like Gareth Gates. Don't hate him yet, though. But it's early days...

SEZER

Like a revolting dog on heat. Talked about how often he... um... pleasures himself before saying he hoped he was making his family proud. You betcha!

LEA

Says she needs to tone up because "I've got the legs of a 90-year-old". Isn't it amazing what they can do in plastic surgery nowadays?

IMOGEN

Asked Pete if having Tourette's was like getting hiccups. Looks as well as brains, eh? Needs to watch out for Sleazer.

DAWN

After her brilliant intro film about life being sh*t and all people being rubbish, has come over all New Age and started teaching everyone yoga. Disappointing.

LISA

Trying much too hard - not just in the house, in life generally. On Pete: "I like hyperactive people, they make me feel normal." Ahem.

BONNIE

Seems to have peaked after accidentally introducing herself to everyone as "Bonner". Oh well, only another three months to go... Sigh...

GRACE

Can't see the point of her at all. Surely better characters turned up to the auditions? And aren't she and Nikki pretty much exactly the same person?

NIKKI

Feel like we've seen her type many times before in BB but maybe she's secretly brilliant and I just haven't noticed yet. Might start actually praying.

RICHARD

Someone call security! Dan Bryan from BB5 has sneaked back into the house, having disguised himself with a different hat! Yawn.

GLYN

After the Brotherhood task was announced, Mr Muscle deduced, "We're going to be played against each other." Can someone explain Big Brother to him, please?

MIKEY

Remember sexist, arrogant Federico from BB4? Me neither... but Mikey is just a carbon copy in a slightly prettier package.

SHAHBAZ

Nikki cried after bad reception from the crowd. Shahbaz: "I'm sorry, I think mine was universally good." I beg to differ. A lot.

www.mirror.co.uk

[rach67]

Glyn & Bon(eh?)why?!!!

[James]

22 May 2006
POLLY HUDSON'S POLLYOMETER

IMOGEN

OK so far but if she gets with Sezer I'll lose all respect for her - as well as the will to live.

PETE

FANCIES Lisa. Just the idea of them being the new Chantelle and Preston exhausts me.

DAWN

TOLD Shahbaz she might well murder him during the night. Promises, promises.

GEORGE

IT'S less than spiffing the way he's disappearing into the background. I like his nose though.

LEA

HAS never had a one-night stand - a gal with morals. Sorry, a pornstar with morals.

SEZER

SLEAZER, more like. Will be rutting on furniture by this time next week unless Imogen gives in.

RICHARD

THE daddy of the house says he feels "like Alexis Carrington". He wishes!

BONNIE

BONNER cried because Lisa doesn't like her. I'd take that as a massive compliment.

GLYN

LIKES Nikki, so obviously a great judge of character. I preferred it when he spoke only in Welsh.

LISA

SAYS Shahbaz is "trying to play a game". It's called B-I-G B-RO- T-H-E-R, you dummy.

GRACE

SURELY more interesting people than this turned up to the auditions? If not, cancel BB.

MIKEY

SEXIST bravado and controversial opinions in his film but totally not delivering anything.

SHAHBAZ

SO annoying it's not even funny - just extremely annoying. As is the fact we can't evict him yet.

NIKKI

IS it wrong that when the whiney brat said she was going to die I hoped she would? Didn't think so.

www.mirror.co.uk