[Amy]

HE'S the mouthy Scot who shocked all of Britain with his outbursts on Big Brother 4. Now Federico is back to do it all again.

The opinionated waif will be here for the next 10 weeks to give you his hard-hitting comments on the antics of the show's latest personalities.

Fed will dissect all the goings-on from the behind-the-back bitching to the juicy love triangles.

He will tell us exactly how the housemates will be feeling in the confinement of the Big Brother house.

And he knows what he would like tosee this time around.

'I hope the prostitute rumour is true,' he said. 'I'm a big fan of porn.

'A special room designed for people to get intimate in is a great idea because it means there will be sex in the house.

'Everyone who does it now is just thinking about the notoriety they could get from it. I wish we'd had the mud bath they're talking about installing this year.'

Who can forget Fed's controversial outbursts in last year's show when he branded all women 'slags'?

He says what he thinks and there will be plenty of his controversial opinions in his twice-weekly column.

Fed knows when people are putting it on for the cameras and when you are seeing their true personalities.

He will tell us who is the conniving game-player, the likeliest couple to get together and the favourite to win.

He'll also give you a behind-the-scenes look at the machine that is Big Brother 5.

And he has his own ideas about what's needed to spice up BB5,which Ladbrokes are expecting to break all records with more than £1million in bets.

With rumours of a same-sex couple, a former prostitute, a randy ex-army Scot and a former asylum seeker, Big Brother will bemore explosive than ever.

Fed can't wait to see the housemates deal with the shared bedroom, see-through toilets and the latest addition the mud-bath.

He said: 'BB5 has to come out like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid with all guns blazing if it is to have any chance of surviving.

'It has been gazumped in the last 12 months by Pop Idol and I'm A Celebrity ... Get MeOut Of Here.

'Last year, the problem was it wasn't car crash TV.

'The producers dropped the ball choosing a group of reasonably intelligent, media savvy individuals.

'This year, I have visions of single mothers with corn-weaves and Atomic Kitten looks, mixed with hard-drinking boys who have missed out on appearing on Trisha.

'The house has been redesigned to be as uncomfortable as possible and it now resembles Club Tropicana on drugs. Although, like everyone else, I'll just have to wait and see who ends up in the house, I do know that the soon-to-be-famous 12 have been chosen with the explicit intention to agitate,antagonise,and annoy each other with maximum effect. That's great news from a viewer's perspective.

'So as the next group of showboating, insecure, TV presenter desperadoes are waiting in the wings, all I can say to Big Brother is please, please give us more friction, discomfort and evil.

'Oh, and don't quiz the evictees on the size of their reproductive organs. It's quite big and it's not clever.

'For the incoming housemates, all I can say is, rather you than me.'

Article Daily Record