[InOne]

Or another way to say it - would someone having a child put you off going out with them. I made it about both sexes so it doesn't turn into a single mothers bashing thread.

Personally I wouldn't do it again. I was in a relationship with a woman who had a kid when I was 18. Whilst it was okay and I got on with the child, everything revolved around him and there wasn't much 'us' time, also at the start of the relationship it's always made very clear "the child always comes first". Which of course is fair enough but when someone says that you can't help feeling a little uneasy. Also I was left in a few awkward situations when he was misbehaving, especially when the cousins came round who were also young. They'd be fighting, screaming, crying and I'd have no idea what to do or how to approach it.

What's your views?

[Z]

Hmm tough question. I think you would have to be very understanding, kind and willing to accommodate the other person's child in order for your relationship to truly work - you'd have to take on some kind of parental role eventually or it just won't work, but you'd have to know what your boundaries are right from the word go or the child wouldn't ever give you that kind of respect I don't think... so you would have to have very mature and serious conversations about it before you ever met the child, so early on in the relationship, or I don't think it would work out in the long term.

I think I could do it, though. My own dad met my mum when she was a single mother and had a 9 year old son and they managed to get on with it just fine; so at least I would be able to ask for advice if I found myself potentially dating someone who had a child... from both my mum and from my dad, about what to do/say, not to do/say...

[GiRTh]

When you get to a certain age its almost unavoidable. In fact I'd have doubts about a woman or man if they were say in their 30's and had no kids and had never been married or had a serious realtionship. I'd be thinking they were some kind of nightmare neurotic and that's why no one wanted them. I might be wrong to think that but it is something that would definitely cross my mind.

[Vicky.]

Yes, when I got with Gav at like..19 year old he had 2 kids (and one on the way :S)

[InOne]

Originally Posted by GiRTh

When you get to a certain age its almost unavoidable. In fact I'd have doubts about a woman or man if they were say in their 30's and had no kids and had never been married or had a serious realtionship. I'd be thinking they were some kind of nightmare neurotic and that's why no one wanted them. I might be wrong to think that but it is something that would definitely cross my mind.

I probably should mention I'm in my 20's and wouldn't rule it out someday. But at this point I wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that as it just seems a bit too restricted. Also rules out going travelling, spontaneous trips and stuff like that.

[Livia]

Depends... but I'd far fewer objections to a child than to a mental, bunny-boiling ex.

[michael21]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

Yes, when I got with Gav at like..19 year old he had 2 kids (and one on the way :S)

true story

[Ryan57]

Wouldn't mind just the one. It'd enable me to play with kids' toys. They have some cracking stuff about nowadays.

[Glenn.]

Yes I would.

My dad got with my mum and she had two kids from a previous marriage. He brought them up as his own. To them, he is their father.

[sassysocks]

Originally Posted by InOne

Or another way to say it - would someone having a child put you off going out with them. I made it about both sexes so it doesn't turn into a single mothers bashing thread.

Personally I wouldn't do it again. I was in a relationship with a woman who had a kid when I was 18. Whilst it was okay and I got on with the child, everything revolved around him and there wasn't much 'us' time, also at the start of the relationship it's always made very clear "the child always comes first". Which of course is fair enough but when someone says that you can't help feeling a little uneasy. Also I was left in a few awkward situations when he was misbehaving, especially when the cousins came round who were also young. They'd be fighting, screaming, crying and I'd have no idea what to do or how to approach it.

What's your views?

If you like someone enough, it shouldn't make any difference. If it bothers you, then you are not someone I would imagine they would be interested in anyway.

[Crimson Dynamo]

yes, not an issue

[Kizzy]

When I met my ex he had 2 kids I was 17 and he was 25, then he left me with 2 kids.... anyone see a pattern forming?

[InOne]

Originally Posted by sassysocks

If you like someone enough, it shouldn't make any difference. If it bothers you, then you are not someone I would imagine they would be interested in anyway.

Yes and I wouldn't be interested in them, the whole point of the thread I also said my mind would most likely change as I got older

I have done, but I don't know if I could do it again. Not because the kid is an issue, but if it ends then it's twice the heartbreak, and that's not something I want to ever go through again.

[Natalie.]

If I liked them enough yes

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

When I met my ex he had 2 kids I was 17 and he was 25, then he left me with 2 kids.... anyone see a pattern forming?

Well... I think it is actually quite common, in a horrible way. Two kids is hard, much harder than just the one, although people are constantly insisting that it's easier with a second child. Lies!!

Anyway, I can see why it's a "trigger point" for someone who is already inherently selfish leaving a relationship. Not that It excuses it. I can't stand anyone who puts their own comfortable lifestyle before their responsibilities as a parent.


On the thread topic - I think it depends on whether or not the person without a child is "ready" for that aspect of life. If theyre not ready to take on those responsibilites and sacrifices, then they'll quickly come to resent the relationship. if the parent claims that they won't have to be involved with any of those responsibilites... Well... that's just a lie: it never works out that way.

I do know a few people who have happily taken on a child as part and parcel of a relationship and made it work, though. a guy I used to work with got together with a girl who was pregnant, when they were just 17, and they made it work well and had another child of their own, too, 4 years later. his only real gripe was that the "real" dad was still around and had the child one night a week, which he found hard as he saw him as his own. I suppose that's partly because he was there during the pregnancy and birth and at every step. But I know of others who have taken on children "as their own" at later stages and have made it work.