[Z]

Why do some people have this self destruct button in their psyche that they push any time they have something good going for themselves? Do you think they do it on purpose or is it some kind of mental disorder? To give a couple of examples...

Girl I went to school with managed to land a job with a fairly prestigious airliner as a stewardess after going to training, completing it (shockingly - this girl never completes anything) and spending a few months working for them... she just recently decided to skip going to work (i.e. leaving a flight short of stewarding staff and this isn't a Ryanair-esque company either...) in favour of taking pills and going to see a DJ and then spent the next day trying to guilt trip the people she went out with into staying another night because she'd been sent an email telling her she was fired and it was their fault she was fired.

Boy I'm friends with spends forever moaning about how single he is and how nothing good ever comes his way, starts dating someone who seems massively keen on him and then immediately self destructs by cheating with someone else on a night out and then blames his new partner for putting too much pressure on him.

Why do people do things like this? Why is their instinct to **** things up for themselves intentionally and then try and blame other people? I've only seen a handful of people like this in my lifetime but whenever I've come across them they're always at the extreme end, the kind of people that old saying about "a poor workman blames his tools" applies to.

[armand.kay]

Some people are actually unable to accept fault in there behaviour they will continue to blame everyone else and play victim to life, therefore they'll never learn from their mistakes, this becomes a endless cycle that won't end until they take responsibility for how their life has turned out. For some this never happens and others it happens too late.

[Z]

I think the thing as well is do you stand by these people knowing that they are never going to learn and will need somebody to help them pick up the pieces and risk them turning on you at some point in some horrible way, or do you abandon them and leave them to be someone else's problem? When it's all they've ever known, there's just no chance they'll ever learn their lesson, so how do you deal with people like that?

[Firewire]

I know someone who is studying maths, she's smart since it's a prestigious university and she managed to reach grades to be accepted. However, she's out every night drinking and spends nights in hospital. She's had her stomach pumped on numerous occasions. She's a heavy drinker, she skips University in order to go to clubs every night. It's sad, but I just don't understand why people would work hard and then throw it all away.

[Z]

Originally Posted by Firewire

I know someone who is studying maths, she's smart since it's a prestigious university and she managed to reach grades to be accepted. However, she's out every night drinking and spends nights in hospital. She's had her stomach pumped on numerous occasions. She's a heavy drinker, she skips University in order to go to clubs every night. It's sad, but I just don't understand why people would work hard and then throw it all away.

One of my flatmates in 1st year ended up working way too many hours at the Oran Mor and stopped going to classes in favour of pulling pints all night and sleeping all day. Unsurprisingly she dropped out, moved home and is now doing that in Edinburgh instead. I mean why would you bother going to uni in another city in the first place if that was all you wanted to do?

[King Gizzard]

Footballers generally come into mind, the ones with amazing potential (Ravel Morrison) but can't get their head right away from the pitch

[Marsh.]

What kind of friends do you have?

[GypsyGoth]

Success isn't the same for everyone, so what may look like a person sabotaging their life, can be them finding a path in life that makes them happy.

[Firewire]

Originally Posted by Z

One of my flatmates in 1st year ended up working way too many hours at the Oran Mor and stopped going to classes in favour of pulling pints all night and sleeping all day. Unsurprisingly she dropped out, moved home and is now doing that in Edinburgh instead. I mean why would you bother going to uni in another city in the first place if that was all you wanted to do?

Yeah, it's silly. Especially because it's such hard work as well as expensive (even if we don't pay).

[Kizzy]

It's a talent I posess... you can bet if something is going good for me I'll find a way to balls it up

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

It's a talent I posess... you can bet if something is going good for me I'll find a way to balls it up

- identifies -

[Marsh.]

I get that nagging feeling I haven't done my best at uni and kind of wasted my money (the loan total scares me). But I suppose everyone gets those doubtful feelings about something so big.

[Kizzy]

It's ok if you pass... it's accruing that debt and failing, and not due to any lack of ability that's the thing.
I was soooo close, I was capped for loads of stuff due to missing deadlines.. I missed lectures, almost failed just on attendance! ... skin of my teeth seriously

[Marsh.]

What was your degree in?

[Kizzy]

It was a foundation degree in Public Services, doing nursing next year though so I better have my shiz together for that

[Marsh.]

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Z

Why do some people have this self destruct button in their psyche that they push any time they have something good going for themselves? Do you think they do it on purpose or is it some kind of mental disorder? To give a couple of examples...

Girl I went to school with managed to land a job with a fairly prestigious airliner as a stewardess after going to training, completing it (shockingly - this girl never completes anything) and spending a few months working for them... she just recently decided to skip going to work (i.e. leaving a flight short of stewarding staff and this isn't a Ryanair-esque company either...) in favour of taking pills and going to see a DJ and then spent the next day trying to guilt trip the people she went out with into staying another night because she'd been sent an email telling her she was fired and it was their fault she was fired.

Boy I'm friends with spends forever moaning about how single he is and how nothing good ever comes his way, starts dating someone who seems massively keen on him and then immediately self destructs by cheating with someone else on a night out and then blames his new partner for putting too much pressure on him.

Why do people do things like this? Why is their instinct to **** things up for themselves intentionally and then try and blame other people? I've only seen a handful of people like this in my lifetime but whenever I've come across them they're always at the extreme end, the kind of people that old saying about "a poor workman blames his tools" applies to.

Originally Posted by GypsyGoth

Success isn't the same for everyone, so what may look like a person sabotaging their life, can be them finding a path in life that makes them happy.

..I'm not sure that's 'self destructive' though but more an 'immaturity' and just not ready for certain responsibilities which they might think they want or they do want but don't yet have the ability to cope with them so there is a 'clever mechanism' inside them that resists, maybe not in the right way that some people would do things, but that's just their way and I guess reinforces their immaturity or lack of responsibility..?..what one person thinks is a 'good thing' might not be right for someone else, even if they themselves have felt that's what they wanted...I agree with Zen Master Claudia, it's often the case that something that looks like the 'wrong thing' can lead to something that's 'right' and we can't really say until something kind of pans out, which can be a lot further on in life....hmmm, there's a saying somewhere that I love, I think it was from Charlie Wilson's War...


There's a little boy and on his 14th birthday he gets a horse... and everybody in the village says, "how wonderful. the boy got a horse" And the Zen master says, "we'll see." Two years later The boy falls off the horse, breaks his leg, and everybody in the village says, "how terrible." And the Zen master says, "We'll see." Then a war breaks out and all the young men have to go off and fight... except the boy can't cause his legs messed up. and everyone in the village says, "How wonderful." And the Zen master says, "We'll see." ....

..it's one of those sayings that has no end because often no one can say whether a decision or action is right or wrong until they see how it all goes and that's not an instant thing...

..I think to me, 'self destructive' is something completely different and yeah a mental disorder ...maybe more like an addiction ..alcohol/drugs/eating disorder etc....

..anyway, I'm probably overthinking this.....