[GiRTh]

"What is love. Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more" - Haddaway

But what is love. I'm too cynical to believe in all this 'Crazy in love' stuff. To me love is basically about three things - caring, sharing and trust.

Caring - You must care for your partner. You should be happy if they're happy. If they're sad you must want to make them happy.

Sharing - What's mine is yours, what's yours is mine. Obviously there must be boundaries but you know what I'm trying to say.

Trust - You must trust your partner. If they go out with their friends you must trust they won't tap off with the nearest person. Equally, you must trust that if you give them £1000 they won't take it down the nearest casino.

It's very basic, but these are my thoughts on the 'L' word. What do you think?

[lily.]

I think Love is about a few things:

1. Trust. Without trust, there's nothing. The basis of any relationship is trust.

2. Attraction. Obviously you have to find your other half attractive, not just physically. You have to like things about how they look, but also about how they act. Beauty fades, if you fall in love with someone based on looks, then you're going to be trading them in for another model at some point.

3. Contentment. When you reach a point with someone where you are just happy to have them in your life. You can have that with a friend or a partner.


Contrary to what G might think, I'm not a powder-puff romantic. I'm 33 years old, I've been married for almost 13 years, and we have had our fair share of ups and downs. We have both had to work hard at this relationship. When the good times roll, it's easy to do, but when you are faced with problems then you have to put a bit of effort in. We've had to do this several times over the years. Our life isn't perfect. Our marriage isn't perfect. But, it means enough to us that we fight to keep it when something threatens it.

There. That's what love is.

[Bells]

I assume you mean loving a partner/spouse, as opposed to parents, friends, other family, children. But in whichever context, I also feel that love must comprise of caring, sharing, trust, as well as communication and respect.

Having grown up believing in all the true-romance stories however, I feel in terms of a partner the expectations become much higher. You come to learn though that a lot of it is fantasy; nothing is perfect at the end of the day, and arguments will most certainly occur. I think you just need to be accepting of this fact - if anything, the occasional argument strengthens your love and relationship. Being crazy in love – and completely/hopelessly romantic (all the romantic candlelit meals, star gazing etc.) doesn’t define love for me at all; a fantasy again, perhaps. Whilst in some relationships it may happen, you need to be more accepting of the reality and instead focus on being faithful. Everyone finds other people attractive – we’re only human – but if I knew despite that, my partner still could tell me everything, found me attractive, truly wanted to be with me and didn’t feel the need to stray … that to me would be a secure, loving relationship.

[Mrluvaluva]

Originally posted by Stropz
Attraction. Obviously you have to find your other half attractive, not just physically. You have to like things about how they look, but also about how they act. Beauty fades, if you fall in love with someone based on looks, then you're going to be trading them in for another model at some point.

I agree that trust is the basis of any relationship. I would just like to pick up on the attraction part as mentioned by Stropz above.

Attraction is not just physical, I agree. Sometimes, you can meet someone, and not be really physically attracted to them. They may be just average to you. But as you get to know someone as a person. The attraction can grow into a physical one. Their personality can make them more alluring.

As you become to love them.

You love someone through both the good and the bad.

[lily.]

Wise words from one so young Ash. And, whilst we certainly do get the candlelit dinners, and star-gazing at the beginning, there has to be something a bit more "real" once all that wears off.

[Bells]

Originally posted by Stropz
Wise words from one so young Ash. And, whilst we certainly do get the candlelit dinners, and star-gazing at the beginning, there has to be something a bit more "real" once all that wears off.

Yeah, exactly. Which is what I reckon you have to be more accepting of.

Another interesting concept is 'when do you know you're in love?' That can kind of tell you how to define it. Since I'm still a teen, I find it harder for us to know in particular - I find not many teens do truly fall in love. However a friend of mine told me that when his girlfriend went on holiday, he got this ache and felt hollow inside; when you feel actual physical pain it hits home even more apparently. That was when he knew. I wouldn't know yet personally, but I did find that sweet but even more so, interesting!

[Mrluvaluva]

I have the answer you are looking for G!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsCXZczTQXo

[Mrluvaluva]

I found this article. I have edited it slightly to fit in here.

"A few years ago, I spoke to a group of high-schoolers about the idea of love.

"Someone define love," I said.

No response.

"Doesn't anyone want to try?" I asked.

Still no response.

"Tell you what: I'll define it, and you raise your hands if you agree. Okay?"

Nods.

"Okay. Love is that feeling you get when you meet the right person."

Every hand went up. And I thought, Oy.

This is how many people approach a relationship. Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it.

So what is love -- real, lasting love?

Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness.

The word "goodness" may surprise you. After all, most love stories don't feature a couple enraptured with each other's ethics. ("I'm captivated by your values!" he told her passionately. "And I've never met a man with such morals!" she cooed.) But in her study of real-life successful marriages ("The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts"), Judith Wallerstein reports that "the value these couples placed on the partner's moral qualities was an unexpected finding."

Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.

LOVE IS A CHOICE

[Sunny_01]

Love to me is:

My hubby being tolerant enough to put up with my mardy ways

Me being able to put up with his

Knowing it's ok to not like each other for a short period of time!

Being happy when the other returns from work, I get this kid of little knot and get all happy when my other half comes home from work! thats after 16 years together.

Respect - this plays a huge part in love, for me if I didnt respect my hubby how could I possibly love him and vice versa.

Committment - I am totally committed to my other half, and I am pretty sure he has the same level of committment to me. By this I mean prepared to keep going even through frustrations and when others might give up, go that extra mile to show your commitment, my hubby for example was faced with a choice early in our marriage. His parents put him in the unbelievable position of trying to make him choose me or them as we just dont get on. My hubby said there was no choice to make and has not spoken to his parents since. I have tried to encourage him to make things up over the years but he will not discuss it, in his mind they chose not him.

[rex3]

I think Love is about a bright future

[andyman]

Love can be many things... Also a mental illness.

[Annie]

Love is giving someone the chance to destroy your entire world and then trusting them not to.




Love is a horrible thing too though. Seriously. Can stop you doing the right things.

[andyman]

So love is a mental illness? Love makes people do daft things, think about others etc etc... Lust makes more sence for the human race and tis why we have lust..

[Annie]

Yeah thats completely true. Its a mental illness. You protect those you love even when you know deep down that it can be immoral or illegal.
Being in love is the best thing and the worst thing. Nothing hurts more than a broken heart. And nothing feels better than feeling blissfully in love.

[andyman]

Some say love is like a drug... Maybe when the love dies down we need another hit to get that love, that feeling of being in love, that feeling when you first met...

Or maybe love is just another level of lust.