[Crimson Dynamo]

WASHINGTON—In an apparent phishing attack that has severely
compromised U.S. national security, sources confirmed Monday that President
Joe Biden had inadvertently provided the military’s nuclear
launch codes to a hacker who emailed him pretending to be the Pentagon. “I
am general of the pentigon [sic] and we have recently detected an issue with
your account and need to confirm you are president, so please send nuclear
codes as verification ASAP,” the scammer’s email read in part, reportedly
prompting a confused Biden to send over the highly sensitive codes in the
hopes it would prevent him from getting permanently locked out of his
government computer. “You can electronic mail the confidential information
to our secure top secret address nuclearcodes@pentagon.tv. In addition to
nuclear codes, please send $2,000 USD in Apple gift cards for milatary
porposes [sic].” According to reports, the flummoxed commander in chief
later called his grandchildren to ask if they knew how to reset the nuclear
codes.

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