[Red Moon]

Dreary O'Leary needs voting off

There are only two things really wrong with The X Factor - the acts and the judges. Oh, and Dermot O'Leary.

Dermot is a product of the David Brent school of "groovy" presentational skills.

"Your Saturday night starts here, people," he purred as if he thought he had wandered into an episode of CSI.

The continuity announcer sounds like Tom Baker in Little Britain: "It's time to face the music!" he boomed, which given what's coming is how I feel most weeks.

I don't see anyone from the last five having a successful career. Niki sang a Bonnie Tyler song only with none of Bonnie's gutsy (mad) abandon. This doesn't leave much.

"You are relatable," trilled Sharon Osbourne. Translation? You are ordinary.

Same Difference is the pop equivalent of LazyTown. If only they could sing as well as they can grin.

They are so vacuous, even Louis Walsh accuses them of lacking talent - and he should know. The judges talked up Rhydian, but then again, as the favourite to win, they had to. And the way he kept begging for votes confirmed he'd had his worst week.

Like a freakish cross between Rutger Hauer and Billy Fury, he seems to have jettisoned the idea of knocking out zany operatic hits like Falco's Amadeus in favour of occupying the Songs Of Praise market. His version of Somebody To Love sounded like Harry Secombe, while his black-shirted, Aryan-looking performance of I Vow To Thee My Country was faintly sinister.

Finally, we had Leon - a cross between X Factor has-been Shayne Ward and Fame Academy never-was David Sneddon. The last thing the charts need is some fresh-faced kid in a suit pretending he's Dean Martin smugly singing "swing".

Of course, the judges will never say any of this, having given up any attempt at serious criticism long ago.

Sharon Osbourne told Leon, "that wasn't one of my favourites," before adding the ridiculous adjunct, "but you're so damn cute".

Her most damning critique of Hope was "I respect thast you tried your best." Translation: they were both rubbish.

Walsh wittered on about Beverley being voted out last week. GET OVER IT! And he desperately bigged up his last act, Niki, as "Las Vegas quality" when her description: "I'm just a dinner lady" was closer to the truth.

As usual, a show that is supposed to be about discovering a star degenerated into points scoring and pantomime.

Cowell had a dig at Louis' hair. Louis questioned Dannii's right to talk about acts singing out of tune.

And Osbourne revealed what an unpleasant old bag she can be by snapping at Cowell and spending most of the show playing to the audience like some Ugly Sister.

Only Cowell was prepared to tell any of the performers "that just wasn't good enough" - although even he cared most about getting his own acts through.

Ultimately, Hope were voted out, allowing O'Dreary to utter his ludicrous catchphrase, "let's look at your journey".

(No Dermot, let's look at yours. Out of TV.) The whole show is about Dermot and the judges - their egos, their fame.

"Who will get the £1m recording contract and who will go back to their day jobs?" the narrator had asked at the beginning. Now that would be a good concept. One where all the losers had to stay out of showbusiness.

Then we'd really have a contest.

Source: Daily Mirror