[Amy]

IT WAS the longest four hours of our lives... This week, we were among a select group invited to sample the latest Big Brother experience. And, boy, was it tough.

Just as in the actual Channel 4 show, which is back for its sixth series on Friday, we were completely at the mercy of the evil producers.

Revelling in their power, they made us perform a cringeworthy task, forced us to nominate each other, played elaborate mind games, and eventually evicted someone.

By the end, it felt more like four days than four hours but we made it to the bitter end without crying, punching anyone, climbing on the roof or scrawling mad messages on a table. Although all of those options were considered.

Here is a blow-by-blow account of our most embarrassing day ever inside the Big Brother 6 house...

3pm Security check outside the house. We have been banned from taking in phones, notebooks, tape recorders - in fact, anything at all.

3.10pm POLLY: Weirdly, my heart starts beating faster. I'm worried that there will be a nasty surprise or that I'm about to be the butt of some kind of joke. I'm already paranoid and I'm not even in the house yet.

3.11pm We enter one by one in alphabetical order... Nicola is second in, Polly is the second last.

3.16pm POLLY: I'm trying to focus on the fact that this is just pretend but as the famous doors close, I'm at the top of a white staircase and it all feels very real.

As I walk down, the camera follows me and I start blushing. I don't stop until about six hours later when I'm safely back in my flat.

3.18pm We discover the beer fridge is locked, so we make a brew. In a booming voice, Big Brother says that the main door is also locked and we all jump out of our skins.

3.25pm NICOLA: We have a nose around then settle down to chat. Mercifully, no one is screaming like an idiot, but the excitement and nerves are tangible.

Every time I brush the hair away from my face I imagine behind-the-scenes producers laughing at my vanity. Despite being surrounded by mirrors, I studiously ignore them all. Acting "normal" has never been so hard.


3.26pm POLLY: Our awkward tea party is interrupted when I am called to the Diary Room. Inside I recognise the voice of Big Brother - I was chatting to him half an hour ago, but now I'm shaking. He pounces on each throwaway comment and picks my sent-ences apart when I try to be jokey. This is awful!


Then he says he has a special task for me - if I succeed I will win some chocolate. I have one minute to kiss all my housemates but I'm not allowed to tell them why I'm doing it. Oh joy.


3.40pm NICOLA: After we all got an unexpected peck from Polly, it's my turn in the Diary Room, to face a barrage of hostile questions. Am I being myself? Do I like the others? Who's the best journalist? Which of them can't write for toffee?


I end up telling Big Brother that I'd never, ever choose to be in the show and he asks: "Is that because you are worried about showing a side of yourself that the others don't know about?"


No, but if I was in here any longer than an afternoon I'd be worried about showing a side even I don't know about...


3.50pm POLLY: Now I'm called to the Diary Room - to collect my prize, no doubt. But all I see is an empty Mars bar wrapper.


"Big Brother has eaten your chocolate. You failed. That was the most dismal attempt Big Brother has ever seen." I was 45 seconds outside the minute for the kissing game. Gah.


3.57pm POLLY: I need the loo, but there is no way I'm weeing in front of a camera. Finally we cover the lens with a hand-towel.


4.02pm Big Brother announces that housemates are not allowed to tamper with cameras. Oops.


4.10pm We are set a terrible task - we have to get into pairs and battle rap. We have 30 mins to write our songs then perform them. To soften the blow, the beer fridge is unlocked.


4.40pm We are provided with bling gold chains, caps and knuckle-dusters before Big Brother pumps out a beat for us to rap to. MC Meths and The Notorious Small Eye (that's us) go first, to get it over with...


4.41pm NICOLA: I'm just thankful I've watched 8


Mile. Yelling, "Yo!" a few times to psyche myself up I launch into my rap about Polly's perm, her old job and the fact that she once bought a coat for her cat. Mercifully, BB seems to appreciate the effort. Phew.


4.43pm POLLY: Nicola - sicken- ingly - is a natural-born rapper, second only to Eminem. I am not. My lines are too long and I stumble over every word. Plus, the worst thing I could think of to say about her was that she once offered me a lift and her car broke down.


5.10pm Unbelievably, we've all passed and are rewarded with Cava and two bowls of crisps. Yay. The sun comes out so we take them out by the plunge pool and have a look around the tiny, hot garden loft. 5.35pm The relaxed atmosphere is shattered by an announcement. "This is Big Brother. Nominations will begin shortly." Aargh.


5.40pm Breaking all the rules (what rebels!) we plot to nominate each other, safe in the knowledge that our jealous rivals will be sure to pick us, too. Being nominated makes it all the more interesting. Doesn't it?


6pm It works and we're both up for eviction! 6.05pm POLLY: One minute I'm laughing, the next I'm wondering if everyone hates me. It must be awful to live with the backstabbers for weeks and weeks.


6.20pm BB orders us all to gather in the glass-house living room, which is baking. We wait to hear who's going first. Five minutes later, Nicola is told to pack her bags.


6.26pm NICOLA: I'm given one minute to gather my stuff and only get one boot on before the countdown to my exit begins. Clutching the other, and grabbing a glass of bubbly, I rush for the door with the cheers of those who voted me out ringing in my ears. Outside I'm patted down by security who seem to think I'd want to nick something from the house. Er, no.


6.30pm POLLY: Nicola's been evicted - ha. But now she's gone I feel very alone and paranoid all over again.


6.55pm BB says the rest of us will leave in five minutes.


7pm POLLY: Outside at last! The experience was the opposite of what I expected. I actually have a new-found respect for all BB contestants, past and present - even Jonny the fireman.


7.05pm Reunited, we reflect on our reality TV experience. The team went out of their way to make us feel paranoid, self-conscious and silly. But then, that's what Big Brother is all about. And after our experience we'll be viewing BB6 very differently.


So on Friday, before you condemn a contestant within the first five seconds, just remember - it ain't as easy as it looks.

Article Daily Mirror