[Amy]

Big Brother starts tomorrow night on Channel 4, and we're continuing our countdown. It's a countdown like a space shuttle countdown. Only when we reach zero, we won't send a craft beyond the realms of our atmosphere and into the black void of the universe. No, when we reach zero, some people are going to go into a slightly yellow house.

So far we've learnt that in the new series of Big Brother there will be beer on tap, glass tables and heat-seeking cameras, so it's clear that the producers are expecting in-depth discussions of subtexts within Adam Bede.

What Big Brother news have we learnt in the last few hours?


MOLE! - One of the Big Brother housemates is going to be a mole. Not an actual mole, all blind and worm-eating - that would be ridiculous. No, one of the housemates will secretly report back to producers about their fellow contestants. They will be asked to flirt and argue and viewers will be actively involved in getting them to do stuff. Fantastic.

Love Loft - More pictures of the Big Brother house have been released, this time of a pink portakabin in the garden. People are speculating that this is the 'love loft', where housemates will go if they want to get down and dirty. Of course, it might not be. It might be full of angry bears. Also, there's a photo of a gnome.

Jade's Jubblies - Don't click this link if you've just had your dinner. Or eaten anything. Or have respect for the sanctity of human life. Dreadful honking former Big Brother housemate Jade Goody is pictured topless in The Sun, her funbags flailing round all over the place. hecklerspray takes no responsibility for the madness that will descend on anyone that looks at this.

Buy The Big Brother Panto Polar Bear - Do you remember the Big Brother panto? If you didn't, let us recap. A bunch of old Big Brother housemates had to live together and rehearse a pantomime that they performed live on TV. There was a polar involved somewhere. And now you can buy it on eBay. There are two days left, and it's £100. Nobody has bid on it so far, strangely.

BREADHAT! - We're not having much luck with this. We're trying to find a man called Breadhat. Some people call him Ben, but that's not his name. His name is Breadhat. He's the man who went to the Big Brother auditions thinking that Big Brother needed a man with a hat made of bread. If you know Breadhat, or Ben from Batley, please let us know. E-mail us at hecklerspray@gmail.com.

Article Heclerspray