[cc100]

Jun 11 2005
DailyRecord http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/tm...name_page.html

BB4's Federico gives his verdict on the housemates as the second week finishes

MAKOSI Why do birds appear when Makosi's near? Just like me they long to be close to her shapely posterior. So shapely that I would forgive her referring to herself in third person and having the brains of an amoeba

DEREK Surely the result of a night of ill-advised relations between Chris Eubank and Kenneth Williams. Derek flies in the face of conventional heterosexual procreation and I find his cherry obsession amusing

ROBERTO This living, breathing Dairylea Slice is cheesier than, well, cheese. Behind the mature cheddar facade, though, lies a calculated customer. He's as sincere as Davina

MAXWELL Mike Skinner's uglier mockney brother. Born under the sound of Bow Bells - I thought this pathetic cack finished when Blur started talking like middle-class students again and Guy Ritchie became Mr Madonna

SCIENCE I rank this Hendrix-haired halfwit's rap 'skills' somewhere between Debbie Harry's rap on Blondie's Rapture and the Wham rap.

He is definitely more a case of Tuprat than Tupac

VANESSA I debate the merits of punishing the whole group for Vanessa's pre-nominations blab as it's patently clear that no member of the human race can decipher the mystery language this other-worldly creature speaks

ANTHONY Struggling to come up with anything to write about Anthony, I logged on to http://www.tragicplebswhowhatchbb6al...mesunlight.com and found out no one on there knew anything about him either

CRAIG Last week's PMT boy has possibly undergone HRT in the diary room. With a vocal delivery that makes Dale Winton and Julian Clary sound like Grant and Phil Mitchell, it's hard to like Craig - so let's not bother

LESLEY This is the most shameful piece of casting in Big Brother history. You simply can't laugh at someone with no education and no chance. Certain TV producers should be finding it hard to sleep at night right now

SAMSKIA Have you seen this housemate? The one with two heads, four legs and four plastic breasts?

This apparition is the inspiration for every young woman in this country.

All you have to do is become the exact opposite of this insular, bow-legged creature and you will have a chance. SamSkia is the second last housemate in Big Brother history that I'd like to sleep with (remember, John McCririck

KEMAL Do you see a bit of Brian there? Some Nadia? That's what Kemal wants. Every series has been studied and nothing has been left to chance