[Amy]

Big Brother 4 reject Federico gives his verdict on how the latest housemates are doing

ROBERTO Reducing Kemal to a shivering wreck in the love-loft was brilliant and emptying his food over Maxwell was the best use of food-stuff I've seen in Big Bro history

DEREK A sinister and frightening side of Derek is now beginning to manifest itself.

Indeed, he is beginning to remind me of his idol Margaret Thatcher - granted he's far more feminine

MAKOSI The self-absorbed Zimbabwean princess can talk about absolutely anything, as long as it's about herself. I'm not a shallow man, but I still can't dislike 'Foxy Cleopatra

ANTHONY With the diction and articulation of an inebriated Paul Gascoigne, a face like a potato and the height of Bilbo Baggins you can see why the ladies love him

SCIENCE The self-proclaimed ghetto gimp from Leeds sometimes doesn't eat or wash for days as he waits for his mum to get back from ASDA and iron his tracksuits-innit

SAM Sam's eviction would be received with the same kind of joy that women normally feel when they meet one of their old school mates who's gotten unexpectedly fat

KEMAL This young Turk's desperate want to appear as a 'Diva' style character is as lament-able as it is predictable. Roberto called his bluff in a major way

VANESSA Remember her promise to turn any gay man straight? I believe these mystical powers are taking there effect on Craig. Never underestimate the power of Voodoo Vanessa

SASKIA Girls like Saskia can be found at 4.30am trawling alleyways, face buried in chips and cheese.

Repressed, repulsive and repugnant. All-in-all the quintessential slapper

MAXWELL This mockney muppet would have us believe he does well with the 'Birdz' on package holidays. In reality, he sees less action than a panda with a headache

CRAIG Is he a young man? Is he a PMT-stricken older woman? Is he something else? Let's face it, Only Voodoo Vanessa really knows the truth

Article Daily Record