I have said some nasty things about Alex over the last few weeks, and I feel an apology is called for.

Therefore if you are a prancing prat, a twerp, a w**ker, a moaning git, a stupid t*sser, a great lump of sh1te, a bitch, a mincing moaner, or an unhygenic hypocrite who infects tea towels, or any of the things about Alex I have said over the last few weeks, I am very very sorry.

Being compared to Alex is far worse than any of you deserve.