[Xander]

From Heatworld



Don't panic! As much as he'd probably like to, Rex hasn't drowned Mikey in his jug of "wakey, wakey" water – but one housemates has met a rather wet end. One of the fish, who were originally named Gilbert and Grape but are now called Heaven and Hell, apparently, was found this morning lying motionless at the bottom of the tank. A distraught Rachel, who was unlucky enough to make the grisly discovery, immediately shrieked, "It's too hot for them! This house is too hot for them. I'm going to pour cold water in the bowl." Have you ever heard that cold water saves dead fish? No, us neither... Rex, in his ever-happy, ever-joyful way did little to comfort the Welsh grape-lover, simply stating, "I've never seen anything so ridiculous in my life. You've been over-feeding them. It's simple – they'll both die." Harsh, Rex, but probably true. Maybe poor Heaven had just listened to one Lisa anecdote too many and simply slipped into a boredom-induced coma? Either that, or he froze in fright at the sight of bald Mikey looming through the glass. About an hour after the initial discovery, Heaven managed to get up and swim around rather pathetically for a while – only to have Rex stand over the tank declaring "the fish are shoddy". Mo, who we always suspected wasn't the brightest button in the box, advised Rachel to take the lid of, reasoning that Heaven would "need more air". Er, Mo, fish live in the water. *smacks self round face with wet trout* Still, at least all this fish business has distracted Stuart from moaning on about how much he wants to leave. Now that is enough to send you into a coma...


R.I.P!!