[Jackie]

I’ve got one thing to say: that bed company Dreams sponsoring this Celebrity Big Brother bore-fest … it's on to a winner.

After a couple minutes of industrial scale dullard Cooliold and the rest of blandly nice housemates you want to go straight to sleep.

It just ain’t working!

Take the money and run Ulrika couldn’t care less if she’s evicted on Friday. In fact she clearly wants to be.

Could someone tell whoever keeps giving insomnia cure Tina Malone so much camera time that Mrs Motormouth Fatso isn’t very interesting.

And if La Toya tells the story of her abusive marriage one more time I swear I’ll scream.

Meanwhile, you have to admit Tommy Sheridan is quite a nice guy. All credit to him – but this is not a good thing when it comes to reality TV.

The problem is that none of the minor celebs are rising to Big Brother’s bait.

They set up Terry Christian (another of the couldn’t-care-less brigade) to be hated by everyone.

But when his nominations were revealed in Tuesday’s tepid live show all we got was a bit of shoulder shrugging. A kind of chorus of “so what?”

Desperate cheerleader Davina can shriek and squeal as much as she likes. But pretend excitement isn’t enough.

Something real has got to happen real soon.



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