[Twilight]

Once upon a time there was a little girl called Ethel who lived in a shed outside HomeBase, she would get high whilst listening to the Sugababes. Her fave Sugababe was the newest one, who goes by the name of Amelle. She lived in Romania, and works in asda, but it was no ordinary asda. Ethel was sure that the food they sold was turning people into Cats and dogs.

Ethel's best friend was called Sasha Shoo, she was 9ft 8in, and liked to rig the voting in West African general elections for diamonds. She fashioned knickers out of them and sold them on to wealthy arabs that like to listen to the song "All by myself" whilst in a darkened room. She had started this endevour when young, after her family was ripped apart by that fire breathing dragon from Shrek. The dragon was called Bert, his bestfriend Ernie made money turning tricks for Mugabes secret transsexual brother, Dave Mugabe, who has a glass eye thay he found on 'Cash in the Attic', and sold it for 1 billion dollars, bought a private island off the coast of Iraq. However, one day when she was talking a walk along the beach she began thinking about those stupid lucozade adverts, "Whats the point of them?" She cried as the tears bean to roll down her cheek, "and why does the big guy never show his face? He cant be uglier than Lisa". "I know right??!" replied a voice from behind her, it was...
A ugly guy that liked to kiss fish