[Shasown]

Let me see if I've got this right...


IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOUR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE OR RUSSIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

IF YOU CROSS THE BRITISH BORDER ILLEGALLY; YOU GET A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENCE, NATIONAL INSURANCE CARD, MONEY FROM SOCIAL SECURITY, FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS, SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE, FREE EDUCATION AND FREE HEALTH CARE.

Good Day and welcome to a brand new edition of......


'ASYLUM'.

Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition:


HIJACK AN AIRLINER and win A COUNCIL HOUSE !

We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor, The British Taxpayer.. And don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet.

Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British Passport, and you only need one word of English:

'ASYLUM'

Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging, burgling and accosting drivers at traffic lights.

This competition is open to everyone buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Euro star.

No application ever refused - reasonable or unreasonable.
All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password:

'ASYLUM'

A few years ago, 140 members of a Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury £200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel.... They joined tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Britain ......

Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover and the world famous Toddington Services area, in Historic Bedfordshire.

If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget, there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience . .. .

Just apply for legal aid.

Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help - for FREE !
It won't cost you a penny. And . .. .
It could change your life forever
So play today.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas....the list is endless

EVERYONE IS WELCOME - INCLUDING ALL YOUR OWN WIVES AND CHILDREN COME ON DOWN !

Get along to the airport !
Get along to the lorry park !
Get along to the ferry terminal !
Don't stop in Germany or France !
All European countries will willingly speed you on your way !
Come straight to Britain And you are:

**** GUARANTEED ****

to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the easiest game on earth..
Everyone's a winner, when they play

'ASYLUM'



BUT HURRY TIME IS RUNNING OUT