[30stone]

The funniest football story ive seen lol deserves its own thread..
Read the whole thing lol its jokes.





By tomorrow, the mist of the interlull will have begun to clear. The fact that International fixtures have been moved to Tuesday means we’ll get players back sooner than we’re accustomed to. So far, there’s no news of any squad members having their spine fall out, or some such similar wound. Keep all digits crossed. Even the toes. Which makes walking difficult.

For now, however, we’re still enshrouded with the thick fog of questionable qualifiers and frustrating friendlies.

One of the few players left at Colney, Laurent Koscielny, has been speaking to the official site about all things Arsenal, including the remarkable statistic which suggest he never lost a tackle last season. It sounds impressive - so much so that I’m immediately skeptical. What constitutes a “lost” tackle? How can they be sure? Perhaps every time an attacker swerved past Koscielny he claimed he’d made a strategic decision to slide haplessly across the ground, in order to lull his opponent in to a false sense of security.

Koscielny’s defensive partner Thomas Vermaelen requires an exorcism, having been possessed by the spirit of Xavi Hernandez:


“Cesc carries Barcelona in the heart, in his DNA. Therefore it is impossible for him to forget about them.

He was determined to go to Barça last summer, he more or less confessed it in the dressing room. But that is passed history.

Now is 100 per cent ready to put his all in to a great season with Arsenal.”



Hopefully Reverend Eboue will be able to banish the evil Catalan spirits of Vermaelen’s mind.

Stoke defender Ryan Shawcross also requires help, though probably from someone more clinically-minded. Speaking about Arsene Wenger’s recent criticism of Stoke’s hurly-burly play, he said:


“He’s obviously got something against me. It’s just weird.”

Ryan - it might be this:



Just a hunch.