[Kaz]

From today's Online Sun:

BIG Bruv villain Nick reckons the BB4 lot are a dire sequel to I’m A Celebrity and jungle king Phil Tufnell.

Here’s the first of Nasty Nick’s BB4 diaries.

CAMERON: Bible-basher from obscure Scots isle, sole contribution to date: “Hi, I’m Cameron.”

ANOUSKA: Up for eviction on Friday — rightly so.
Scarily like Mel from BB1. Made error of being too big too early.

FEDERICO: A total t****r, I’m afraid.

GOS: Great beauty — not. Calls himself a chef but looks like the Chef out of South Park.

JON: Cocky, no redeeming feature.

JUSTINE: Token fat bird, but grey and barely watchable.

NUSH: Like Sada from BB1. Slightly freaky, likes chats with animals — so will feel at home.

RAY: Dubliner with character bypass. Will get boot soon.

SCOTT: A downtrodden Scouser and natural-born loser.

SISSY: It’s Cilla Black’s long-lost daughter! Could do well. Most human of the group. But voice can irritate.

STEPH: This prison worker needs to be locked away — but not here.

TANIA: At last some eye-candy in this house of horror. But big teeth a bit like Mr Ed’s.

VERDICT: I’ve not seen a more dysfunctional Big Brother house to blight TV. Half still live at home, most under-achieve — and they’re hardly oil paintings.

Like The UK’s Eurovision flop, they score Nul Points.

I tip Anouska to go first — but hope it’s Jon. Bible bloke Cameron could win — or dull Steph or lardy Justine.

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He's got little room to speak, saying that the housemates are no oil paintings - has he taken a look in the mirror recently?

Obviously been taking writing lessons from the journalists at the Mirror.

If you're interested, there are a couple of stories on Anouska and Federico HERE as part of the same article.