[Shaun]

For the fifth round Eoin had transported forward roughly 20 years - the technology, the appearance and the interactivity had all drastically improved - he noticed that several other players had popped up from all around the world in this so called 'Wii Arena', a derivation, he assumed, from the Nintendo Wii games; he wasn't particularly a fan, but assumed it'd be easy enough to get the hang of.

He noticed he'd been assigned a character, and as he hovered over her, she waved. He instantly recognised her as Stephanie. Suddenly a little green ugly user came up to her and he popped up a message.

"You, little Stephanii Tits, shall Lose to me in Tennis.
Park it like it's Hot." arista announced, in what is sure to be his next catchphrase. Eoin stood back and realised that this entire level was controlled by his body, and just as Karl posted a thread saying "my wrists cane!" (with a message saying "but not because of Wii "), he began this tennis match.

The court was empty except for one solitary man who had a face that strongly resembled Jareth the Goblin King, as Stephanie eased her way into a 1 set lead over her opponent. Arista then began to set up some obstacles in Eoin's path, such as shelf units with priceless Fabergé eggs atop them, which he tried his best to avoid swinging into but damaged 2 and perhaps UK-Russian relations forever. The distractions ensured that arista clawed to victory in the second set - before both of them were joined by a second player.

Into Eoin's gaming room stepped a boy with Aqua on his iPod.
"Hello Eoin, I'll be playing today as Harrii" he announced, as Eoin cringed a little and waved awkwardly. "Would you like to listen to my music?" he offered, which Eoin politely but quickly declined.
"Let's just beat this hulk freak" he suggested, to which Harry nodded solemnly and pulled an extremely serious expression - picking up a controller and suddenly pulling out all of these superb athletic tennis moves. Arista's companion, WOMBII, was unable to keep up with the two younger males, and soon stormed off of the court in a John McEnroe style of strops.


Stephanii in red, Harrii in green, arista in yellow, WOMBII in light green.

"You untrustworthy Harlot." arista barked, as he vaporised her with a beam.
Eoin and Harry exchanged frightened glances but realised they'd already won the game.
"Yes, Yes, Well done." arista moaned in an autotune ("Judas", the debut single, out Monday x) "But you have to Bowl and Box me First,
Mister Eoin Semen."

Harry looked a little taken aback before Eoin explained that these sexual references were commonplace with this saucy villain, and shook Eoin's hand to say goodbye - he'd earned his freedom. Before Eoin could wonder why on Earth Harry got to play as himself and he had to play as Stephanie, he was in a boxing ring.
"Surely boxing a girl is a bit wrong, arista?" he sighed, as arista planted a left hook square on her jaw. Stephanie, distracted and a little bit dazed, made a thread to announce she was leaving because she was fed up with being abused by TiBB's older men, before Eoin commanded her to block arista's right jab - she then planted an uppercut right underneath his chin - arista bit his tongue.

"Ouch, you Sexy Minx." he stuttered, his tongue a little numb, before dodging her swipes and slapping her in the face.
"This is boxing, you big girl!" she cried, before headbutting him square on the nose. A cascade of blood fell and arista disintegrated. Eoin and Stephanie had won their second of three sporting events.

"Right, you evil Jezebel, and Eoin cock, I shall Bowl you into the Gutter.
Life in the Bowling Lane" he taunted, having provided the narrator with a brilliant piece of wordplay.
Stephanie wasn't particularly brilliant at bowling - she'd always use the black guiding things at the alleys - but Eoin was thankfully better thanks to mastering the Targets game. (He has the high score for that, right? Surely.)
After the first 5 shots - Stephanie had mustered 4 strikes and a spare. Arista had 2 strikes, 2 spares and missed the other shot entirely because he hurled the bowling ball at someone who thought Live at Studio Five was "a bit shit".

"Be gone with you, Heathen." he cried, having got in a David Bowie album title.
"Are we going to bowl or what?" Eoin sighed, as Stephanie added "yeah, come on, you Space Oddity!"
"What did you just call Me, you Diamond Dog?" the bot retaliated, before the bowling alley workers got fed up and yelled "THE RISE AND FALL OF ZIGGY STARDUST AND THE SPIDERS FROM MARS. NOW FUCKING BOWL."

They did. And because writing about bowling is quite dull, Eoin and Stephanie were victorious. Stephanie joined the long list of free users - selling an autobiography about her boxing ordeal and becoming something of a hero around the Sport forum - and Eoin levelled up.