[mr rochester]

Underwater Secret Agent EX Able Seaman Rochester (now known as slightly less Ex Able Seaman Rochester) still reporting for duty Cap'n my Cap'n! Here is my report...

I am still floating in a recumbent state 7 fathoms down, 23 degrees north off the coast of Cadiz. Whilst there is little entertainment to speak of - I have seen rather a lot of aquatic life and I was delighted to be spoken to by a rather drunk dolphin who claims to know several crew members personally. He told me I could go and be a corporate spy on HMS Devious Dextrous. This I duly did and I managed to transport myself (by the power of thought) into the crow's nest only to be ordered back down to Davey Jones' Locker where I have since dutifully remained. Would you find it useful for me to carry out a headcount of seahorses, octopii or indeed drunken dolphins? Or perhaps I could sing a ghostly sea-shanty and terrify the fishes on your behalf? In death, as in life, I do like to be useful. I have met a very traumatised thresher shark whilst down here. He refuses to speak until 2034 though; so I can glean no vital information from him. I have noted a few golden Ferrerorochers in the large treasure chest in the sunken Spanish Galleon I am bobbing along next to. In addition, a shoal of beanie hats swam by at 0400 hours this morning. I have been watching out for a rat which other crew members seem to think will be joining me, however, I have nothing to report on that score at the moment. You may rest assured I will keep a vigilant dead-eye open for the arrival of this pestilent creature.

Whilst I have never been one to labour a point; you will (no doubt) remember that I advised you that my dying wish was that the ship's cat Witchazel the really good ratter would be taken care of in my absence. I was just wondering if anyone has fed her yet?

I remain Sir, your loyal and obedient servant.

EX ABS ROCHESTER AKA SLIGHTLY LESS ABLE SEAMAN ROCHESTER (DECEASED)