[kirklancaster]

CAPTAIN KIRK'S LOG - TIBB DATE 765,987.1

In the Year 18,980 B.T. (Before The Great Prophet TIBB) Our crew were assigned to InterStellar Investigatory Ship (ISIS) 6546. Our mission? To cruise the entire cosmos in search of intelligent life forms.

The first planet with signs of organic life which we encountered was one which we had classified as 3354 in the Sector 347 - a Solar System near the Andromeda Galaxy.

The creatures were organic but very primitive. and probably the weirdest life forms we had ever encountered. They were elusive and very difficult to capture, but we eventually caught one specimen and beamed it up into our laboratory.

This strange alien was less than 1.5 meters tall and was at first, extremely ferocious, then suddenly timid, as if it was in awe of us. It had heavily wrinkled, leathery brown skin and two deep set obsidian eyes beneath thick long red eyebrows and a shock of thick red hair. The creature had one arm on one side of its slender body and what can only be described as a rudimentary winding handle fashioned from some type of metal on the other side of its body.

The creature seemed to have male genitalia though it was really tiny and obscured by a weird type of pouch hanging from a belt around its waist.

The strangest feature though was its three huge lobed ears - one on the left side, one on the right side, and a FINAL FRONT EAR.

Then the creature looked directly at me and I said; "I am Kirk of the TIBB Federation. Who are you?" The creature spoke - in low guttural, quite aggressive tones which our green hulk of a Cyborg R. E-STAR (ARISTA - geddit?) translated:

"Him Leather Trumpet of Planet Earth. Yes. He Think You Are A God."

I replied "No, I am Kirk a Tibbian." But the creature persisted and R.E STAR translated: "Yes. He Is Sure. Kirk Is His God But No God Only Dawkins".

I raised my hand to halt the laughter from the crew and continued to communicate with our little friend, and it transpired that he came from a land on this planet called 'SCORT' - or as R.E. STAR said; "SCORTLAND". It was revealed that the alien only needed one arm because despite his superficial ferocity, he was half harmless, and that the strange metallic device on the other side of his body was, indeed an ancient winding crank, because Leather Trumpet was a cranky old 'winder upper' - apparently, he was famous among his people for this.

R.E. STAR also questioned him about the strange pouch covering his genitalia and it seemed that Leather Trumpet was some kind of Micro Biologist, because, he apparently used to keep some kind of Spore captive in the pouch but it must have escaped and fled at speed, because R.E. STAR said that the alien kept pointing to his pouch and saying; "MY SPORE RAN."

The strange little alien who had seemed so unfriendly at first soon endeared himself to us as we became used to his ways, and we studied him for over one Tibb Lunar Cycle, then it was time for us to let him go and return to our own world. We asked him where he wanted dropping off and I don't think he understood despite R.E. STAR's best efforts, and we ended up asking him where he would usually be right now if we had not captured him, but he kept referring to being trapped in boggy land - or as R.E. STAR probably misinterpreted it; "Stuck into MARSH".

Anyway, I parted company with the strange little primitive alien but not before patting his head and promising him that one day I would return and take him to my world - if he was good. As we blasted off I was sure that we'd never forget him.

CAPTAIN KIRK'S LOG: SUPPLEMENTAL - TIBB DATE 825,764.5

ISIS 5410 recently returned from 3354 in the Sector 347 of the Andromeda Galaxy - the strange world we visited all those years ago, and the Captain reports that the little alien Leather Trumpet is now the leader and Holy Prophet of the planet's main religion; KIRKISM, which worships a God who came down from the heavens in a fiery metal CABER and promised one day to return.

The sad part is that the prophet Leather Trumpet is carrying out mass slaughter of all those on his world who refuse to convert to Kirkism.
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Naw TIBBERS - This is just me, Kirk having a larf - don't worry, nothing like this could ever happen here..........................Could it?