[Amy]

Call the cops! Someone's left a nasty present on the toilet floor...

If there are any detectives from CSI in town, they may want to pay a visit to the Big Brother House, because a crime has been committed - a crime that's left everyone with a bad taste in their mouths. So heinous that even Kim and Aggie would baulk.

Someone - as yet unknown - left a small brown calling card in the toilet. A dirty protest if you will...

"Are you 100 percent sure?" asked a puzzled Ziggy, but Nicky was absolutely adamant. "It was a poo," she gasped, wrinkling her nose in disgust, "on the floor!"

"We need to find out who did this," said Ziggy in his best, hardened cop accent. "We need to speak to [Big Brother] and find out who's done this."

Charley was on the warpath too. "I'll tell you something now, yeah," she snarled, "that is not ******* acceptable. This is a clean House - why should we have to smell s**t on the floor?"

"Whoever did it should confess now and apologise to everybody," added Nicky.

As the row rumbled on, many theories were put forward. Tracey suggested that it might have been "a small mammal". But Carole snuffed out that idea, saying "there's no cats in our garden," before donning a pair of industrial-strength rubber gloves.

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