[Amy]

[quote]
IT should be easy to spot a Big Brother fan this morning. They're the ones with bags under their eyes, wearing a haunted, strained look, and muttering 'Oh God, what am I going to talk about at work?'

If you're a BB fan going through cold turkey, try to stay calm. There'll be another reality TV show along in a minute. Surely it can't be long before I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here is back on our screens?

Apparently, the powers-that-be have got their thinking caps on, and are keen to devise new formats. Among the ideas being kicked around are: #Heirline - girls compete to chat up William and Harry #Bone Idle - a behind-the-scenes look at Westminster #Liver Swap - George Best's video diary #Queer Tie for A Straight Guy - a failed makeover show #Ooh-ar What You Eat - Gillian McKeith analyses the diet of the Wurzels.

Note that there's nothing there that's any weirder than what's already on our screens.

DONALD Duck is finally being taken seriously - he is to be honoured with his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. At this rate, Mickey Mouse may one day be President. Actually, hang on a minute...

WE hear of the strict father who threw his lap-dancing daughter out of the house when she announced she wanted to become a secretary.

ON BBC2 tonight, University Challenge features a team from the British Library versus a team of PR experts. Apparently the librarians make an exhibition of themselves. The PR gurus lose - but you end up convinced they've won.

TALKING CCTV cameras are being used in the fight against crime in a trial scheme in Wrexham, North Wales - at the weekend speakers on the cameras blare out 'You are entering an area controlled by CCTV' to remind local revellers they are being watched.

This is an experiment that ought to be taken further, with new, improved messages. It's midnight, Saturday, Sauchiehall Street, Glasgow. A voice booms out: 'Haw dobber, yir no goin oot with that minger ur ye?'

Dozens of neds hang their heads in shame and slink off home to escape the taunts of their mates. Simple, really.

TIME for another caption competition. We'll start you off with 'Nice one Harry - next time try not to fall face down into the cowpat'.

MORE details are coming in on the raid by House of Commons canteen staff on Michael Howard' s office to recover missing items.

The forks were found, after a tip-off, in a drawer. The knives were found in his back. The stirrers were sniggering in the corridor.

STUNNING survey of the week (already) - a study of 400 undergraduates at Stirling University, carried out by the university's Faculty of Management, has found that the average student spends more time in the pub than he does studying.

Next week - bears do defecate in wooded areas.

SO, now we know - there's no truth in the rumour that Nadia has sold her story to Nuts magazine.[/url]

Article from Daily Record