[Luminis]

Heres mine (:

Day 1 - Andrew admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Chrissie, telling Ryan he thinks she looks a bit masculine. Shasha strides in wearing only a pair of fluffy dice and announces she wants be a glamour model. After half a glass of wine, hairdresser Craig admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality, and hints at a sordid story from his teenage years.

2 - The housemates sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Ryan creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Chrissie, feeling grumpy due to a lack of Lemonade, hits him with a Spork.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Empire State Building out of Pasta. After much persuasion by Ryan, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Empire State Building task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Craig, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the fattest, laziest housemate, eats half the Pasta. Chrissie is furious and throws a bucket of water over Craig.

5 - Today is the day when the Empire State Building task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Craig farts and blows Empire State Building over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Deborah cries.

6 - The housemates sit in the Jacuzzi and compare toenails. Shasha spends most of the afternoon exfoliating her Boobs. Not the most exciting day of live television.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Deborah admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a Spork. Craig sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Ryan.

8 - Today is the first day of nominations. Andrew goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Chrissie and Deborah are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Andrew.

9 - Chrissie and Deborah are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Shasha sings them a song - Im a Barbie girl. - and flashes her boobs in an attempt to make them feel better. This just makes Chrissie worse and she threatens to walk out unless someone gives her a bottle of Lemonade.

10 - The public vote Deborah out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Deborah leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Deborah's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's building task. Shasha has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Chrissie is visibly depressed and is comforted by Ryan, who tries to touch her Boobs.

12 - The Big Brother psychologist replays the footage of Ryan touching Chrissie's Boobs over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumference of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Craig refuses to run because his Penis hurts a bit. Shasha accuses Craig of being a Big Brother mole who has been planted in the house to make them all fail. Craig shrugs his shoulders, scratches his Penis and walks off.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Craig finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. The housemates are treated to a party and Ryan gets so drunk that he ends up being sick all over Craig. Craig strips Ryan to his Y fronts and spends the rest of the evening 'rubbing him better'.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Andrew tells everyone individually that he thinks Chrissie is a slapper who would sleep with anyone in exchange for some Lemonade. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his luxury apartment when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Chrissie and Ryan are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Andrew.

16 - The nominations are announced. Chrissie can't believe she's been nominated two weeks in a row. Ryan is equally stunned and they turn to each other for comfort. Chrissie confesses to Ryan that until three months ago she was a Portuguese bricklayer called Carlos, and gives Ryan a manly hug. Craig is distraught and confesses to Shasha that he thinks he is in love with Ryan.

17 - The public vote Ryan out of the house. Chrissie says she is gutted and even gives Ryan her surgically-removed Penis in a jar to prove how much she cares. Craig is also devastated but keeps his Penis to himself. Ryan leaves.

18 - Big Brother’s special under-duvet heat-seeking night cameras catch Andrew becoming the first housemate to masturbate. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us an insight into the working of Andrew's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Uzbekistan in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Uzbekistan sounds like but Craig says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Andrew as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Andrew successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Uzbekistan but also God Save The Queen, Im a Barbie girl. and the theme tune to Embaressing Bodies. He is proclaimed as a hero by the other housemates, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Andrew announces to everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Later that day Andrew fondles Shasha in the Jacuzzi and tells Craig that he’s his best mate in the world. Craig and Chrissie are nominated.

23 - Shasha and Andrew celebrate being safe from eviction by crawling under the kitchen table for some hanky panky. They both take their microphones off and the only audible sound is Shasha moaning something which sounds like 'urgh, it tastes like Pasta'. Shasha later admits that nothing happened because 'her mum might be watching'.

24 - The general public spend most of the day debating whether or not Andrew and Shasha had sex under the table. Despite questions being asked in Parliament and numerous slow-motion replays, nobody is quite sure.

25 - Despite the fact that her sex-change heroics have captured the heart of the Portuguese transgender bricklaying community, the rest of the British public vote Chrissie out of the house and she storms off in a huff. Just for a change.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Zebra dung using only a Spork. Andrew is unsure but Craig is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Craig breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Zebra incident from his childhood. Shasha tries to persuade him to stay but Andrew sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Craig decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Zebra dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Shasha from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden. Even after the carrot wine, Shasha doesn’t give in to Andrew's advances and he is forced to relieve himself under the duvet again.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Andrew asks Shasha to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Andrew nominates Shasha to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Shasha.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Shasha graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Andrew is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she finally agrees to have sex with him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Andrew takes his winnings and runs away to Uzbekistan. Nobody, including Shasha, ever sees him again.


Post yours.
Heres the link
http://www.flingle.com/big_brother.html

so...
I know they'll all be the same but, post anyways.

[Captain.Remy]

That'd be the perfect Big Brother if you ask me.

[Marsh.]

Are you off school this week or something? You have a lot of time on your hands.