[Mrluvaluva]

MEANWHILE AT THE CONSETT POLICE STATION.....


........custody officer Brain Jenkins receives a frantic telephone call:


Pc Jenkins: "..calm down pet, speak slower. I canna hear yas.....what he's been there two month like and won't leave....stalkin' ya grandson like...a dangerous lunatic ya says....yes we do have trained armed officers at this station...well I'll need a description like pet...enormous head.....pot-belly...ill-fitting pink t-shirt...ill-fitting jeans...sweaty chubby hands....answers to the name of Craig C.....OMG pet...that's not the Cromer Crimper off of BB6 is it ?....Jesus Christ this is more serious than I thought....we're on the case pet....don't antagonise him...he may start...to...cry!!!!!!!"

(Pc Jenkins puts the phone down and breathes heavily, then gets on his police radio).

..... "this is an urgent call out, code red, to ALL officers in the Co. Durham, Newcastle and Middlesborough region, hell the whole of the North East. We have a siege situation in Consett. One Craig Coates aka the Cromer Crimper, has taken Ant'knee Hutton, 70s disco dancer, hostage in the toilet of his small, but well proportioned terrace house. Approach with extreme caution. I repeat with extreme caution. Mounted police officers and those in full riot gear are to proceed to the scene immediately. GO! GO! GO!....I only pray to God we get there in time".