[Amy]

Secret Agent
Day 42, 14:15

Now Brian's going undercover...

Big Brother has let the birthday boy in on a little secret. And could they have picked a worse person to tell it to? In a naughty little twist, Brian not only has to keep his gob shut about 'Pauline's' true identity - Thaila, actress, 26, from Swindon - he won't win a party if he blabs.

"Big Brother has a present for you," Brian was told in the Diary Room.

"Cider?" he asked hopefully.

"The gift of knowledge," said Big Bro.

"What sort of... no I have to be grown up... I do really want cider... what's this knowledge then?" he said, wrestling with his conscience and not wanting to be ungrateful.

"'Pauline' is not from Australia," Big Brother told him.

"Shut up!" said Brian.

"She is actually an actress employed by Big Brother to work undercover."

"Noooooo. You've ruined it for me," moaned Brian. "I really want to believe it. And everyone's going, 'no she's from Hackney'. And I really believed it. You've got to be joking. You can't be lying to us about stuff like that."

"She's never even been to Australia. 'Pauline's' a fake," Big Brother confirmed.

"She was calling me a spunk and everything," he whinged. "I really liked her. She was like my birthday present from Australia. You've ruined it now!"

"If you keep it a secret you'll win a birthday party," revealed Big Brother. At this, Brian perked up.

"Loads of cider?" he asked.

"With cider," confirmed Big Brother.

"But was she mugging us off in that garden!" said Brian, having a tantrum. "I thought she fancied me and everything. Can't I tell Liam? You're breaking my balls, Big Brother. I can't keep secrets! I tell everyone everything! You're a mentalist!"

Yes Brian. Big Brother is a mentalist.

"I do want a birthday party," Brian went on. "I'm going to have to avoid everyone. She ain't gonna keep p****** on my trainers and telling me it's raining! I'm mouth of the south. I can't keep secrets. This is a joke."

Article Channel 4