[Cherry Christmas]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

You use words like 'expecting the state to cough up' and 'passing the buck' that's emotive language that makes one feel we are living in a soulless, greedy society. Your blaming society and forgiving the government.

The problem with your suggestion is, its not reliable. There are plenty of sons and daughters, family members and even neighbors who do this. They don't do it because its a legal requirement; they do it for three reasons, because they can, because they care or because they feel its a moral obligation but Its wholly voluntary and often unreliable.

I couldn't look after my parents if god forbid, then needed that care. I could pop in a couple of times a week but they wouldn't want me to give up a career I've worked hard for to make that hour... often two hour journey to them once or twice a day. That doesn't mean I don't care or I'm passing the buck. Most families don't live in the same town, never mind the same street as their parents. Most families can't afford to give up work or become a part-timer so they can sit mum on a commode when she needs to. If most couples can't afford to cut their working hours when their children are pre-school, how can they afford to do that when their parents need them?

There are ways around it like taking annual leave or or helping towards paying for extra carer hours to help them get back on their feet if they needed it after a stay in hospital. if someone has to put their parent on a commode on a regular basis I suspect the best place for them is a care home. Maybe the government needs to look at some kind of leave similar to paternity leave so that people can look after a relative to get then over a stay in hospital, I am not absolving the government of anything, but I do think we are developing into a society that want them to do everything for us and that isn't healthy pardon the pun

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by Cherie

There are ways around it like taking annual leave or or helping towards paying for extra carer hours to help them get back on their feet if they needed it after a stay in hospital. if someone has to put their parent on a commode on a regular basis I suspect the best place for them is a care home. Maybe the government needs to look at some kind of leave similar to paternity leave so that people can look after a relative to get then over a stay in hospital, I am not absolving the government of anything, but I do think we are developing into a society that want them to do everything for us and that isn't healthy pardon the pun

It is a tough one.
I don't want my kids burdened with me if anything happened to hubby, fortunately barring very bad luck I will be long gone before him.
If they want our fortune then it would pay them to put some care in, rather than paying for a home.
Everyones circumstances are different, but if my kids have ever needed anything over the years, we have been there for them, dropping our plans etc.
My daughter is home for xmas and is looking into staying up here for up to 6 months so she can help her dad juggle the refurb of the bungalow and looking after me, we haven't asked her to but she won't hear of any argument against it, she is packing her very well paid job that she loves down south up and will hopefully get some supply work as and if it comes up.
All a question of give and take

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by smudgie

It is a tough one.
I don't want my kids burdened with me if anything happened to hubby, fortunately barring very bad luck I will be long gone before him.
If they want our fortune then it would pay them to put some care in, rather than paying for a home.
Everyones circumstances are different, but if my kids have ever needed anything over the years, we have been there for them, dropping our plans etc.
My daughter is home for xmas and is looking into staying up here for up to 6 months so she can help her dad juggle the refurb of the bungalow and looking after me, we haven't asked her to but she won't hear of any argument against it, she is packing her very well paid job that she loves down south up and will hopefully get some supply work as and if it comes up.
All a question of give and take

Its really nice that your daughter is going to do that for you. Unfortunately, not everyone is in your daughters position. Many families, including my own, still have children at home. They have pets that may not be welcome at their parents house. They are in a relationship and have a mortgage that requires two full time salaries. They have an established business in a particular area and so on.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

Its really nice that your daughter is going to do that for you. Unfortunately, not everyone is in your daughters position. Many families, including my own, still have children at home. They have pets that may not be welcome at their parents house. They are in a relationship and have a mortgage that requires two full time salaries. They have an established business in a particular area and so on.

Indeed.
It is up to the individual to decide what they want out of life, and what they can or can't sacrifice.

[Cherry Christmas]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

Its really nice that your daughter is going to do that for you. Unfortunately, not everyone is in your daughters position. Many families, including my own, still have children at home. They have pets that may not be welcome at their parents house. They are in a relationship and have a mortgage that requires two full time salaries. They have an established business in a particular area and so on.

that seems like a long list of excuses to me than more anything else, if people have a good relationship with their parents and they needed care for a few weeks post op which seems to be one of the main reasons for bed blocking in the the NHS, I am sure a lot of people could work around it, particularly if it is a two parent family unit, not everyone has to up sticks and move, just one adult would do for starters, and if it is only for a matter of weeks, not a permanent arrangement it is doable, as Smudgie said it is up to the individual what they want to sacrifice but it seems to be a lot of people don't want to sacrifice anything they want the state to pick up "because they have paid in".

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Cherie

that seems like a long list of excuses to me than more anything else, if people have a good relationship with their parents and they needed care for a few weeks post op which seems to be one of the main reasons for bed blocking in the the NHS, I am sure a lot of people could work around it, particularly if it is a two parent family unit, not everyone has to up sticks and move, just one adult would do for starters, and if it is only for a matter of weeks, not a permanent arrangement it is doable, as Smudgie said it is up to the individual what they want to sacrifice but it seems to be a lot of people don't want to sacrifice anything they want the state to pick up "because they have paid in".

Surely when I said, "They are in a relationship and have a mortgage that requires two full time salaries. They have an established business". It was obvious I wasn't talking about just few weeks?! Social care is often a permanent thing and therefore, from what I said, I was meaning on a permanent basis.

[Cherry Christmas]

Originally Posted by smudgie

It is a tough one.
I don't want my kids burdened with me if anything happened to hubby, fortunately barring very bad luck I will be long gone before him.
If they want our fortune then it would pay them to put some care in, rather than paying for a home.
Everyones circumstances are different, but if my kids have ever needed anything over the years, we have been there for them, dropping our plans etc.
My daughter is home for xmas and is looking into staying up here for up to 6 months so she can help her dad juggle the refurb of the bungalow and looking after me, we haven't asked her to but she won't hear of any argument against it, she is packing her very well paid job that she loves down south up and will hopefully get some supply work as and if it comes up.
All a question of give and take

I would agree with that Smudgie, if you had a happy upbringing and your parents were there for you, imo its your turn to be there for them when they are vulnerable, I don't think any parent wants their kids to be burdened, but it is not a burden when you love them and that is what families are all about, looking out for each other especially when the going gets tough, I sound like a Disney movie

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I would agree with that Smudgie, if you had a happy upbringing and your parents were there for you, imo its your turn to be there for them when they are vulnerable, I don't think any parent wants their kids to be burdened, but it is not a burden when you love them and that is what families are all about, looking out for each other especially when the going gets tough, I sound like a Disney movie

Not a Disney movie, just the way it is in some families.

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I would agree with that Smudgie, if you had a happy upbringing and your parents were there for you, imo its your turn to be there for them when they are vulnerable, I don't think any parent wants their kids to be burdened, but it is not a burden when you love them and that is what families are all about, looking out for each other especially when the going gets tough, I sound like a Disney movie

That leaves out all those who didn't have a happy upbringing.

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Cherie

There are ways around it like taking annual leave or or helping towards paying for extra carer hours to help them get back on their feet if they needed it after a stay in hospital. if someone has to put their parent on a commode on a regular basis I suspect the best place for them is a care home. Maybe the government needs to look at some kind of leave similar to paternity leave so that people can look after a relative to get then over a stay in hospital, I am not absolving the government of anything, but I do think we are developing into a society that want them to do everything for us and that isn't healthy pardon the pun

Many people don't have surplus funds and sadly, in this modern age, families often live some distance apart. Finding a good provider takes time and is often difficult depending on where the person lives. People are often left in a situation where they take what they can, even if its overly expensive and not ideal.

What we need is government funded respite care facilities. This would speed up hospital beds whilst still giving much needed enabling care to those who need it. What happens atm is, an elderly person is hospitalized after, say a pelvic injury. Social services within the local council are contacted and agree to take her on, often on the day she is discharged home and even though that person is on red alert and will see someone fairly quickly, she is still going to arrive home, often to an empty house, with no immediate equipment or facility to help her. If she has a family that has arrived to help... great. If she doesn't, she must feel very frightened and alone.

The tragic thing is, many of these people have worked hard all their lives. They've paid their taxes and NI and they've saved enough money for a rainy day and hope to leave something for their family but are suddenly faced with not having enough or losing it all. Domiciliary care has become so expensive, even though the actual carers get a pittance, that the elderly people who need that care, often choose to manage without it and that in itself is a huge problem.

We are all hopefully going to grow old. None of us know if we will need home care in the future but wouldn't it be awful if we reached a stage where that care comes subject to affordability?