[Josy]

Coming from someone that has a massive family with it's fair share of arguments and falling outs my honest advice would be to keep well out of it, I know it's hard to watch things like that going on and seeing your family members hurt and so on but regardless of how good your intentions are someone will turn on you at some point.

[user104658]

I agree with both Eyeball and Josy.

Originally Posted by EyeballPaul

Hmm.Maybe try to appeal to the sibblings caring side and explain how lonely your mother is and how she needs her family more than ever at the moment.Also how cruel they are being by cutting her off like that.
You only get one mum.Explain how if they don't bite the bullet and swallow their pride they may regret their decision for the rest of their lives.Say that it's cruel for their kids to never get the opportunity to see their grandmother and they won't thank them for it when they get older.

I don't necessarily agree that it's "cruel" to have cut her off as we don't know the specifics of the falling out (and The Truth might not either, he only has various people's versions of what exactly has happened) and in some cases it can be totally justified...

... However I do agree that if she has the potential to be a good grandparent to the children (even if not the best parent) as with my in-laws, then it's worth trying to keep a "civil" relationship for the sake of the children having that extra person in their life. They could just make it clear that they don't want any judgement / advice / commentary on their own lives and just keep things friendly, polite but shallow in order to facilitate a relationship with the grandchildren.

Originally Posted by Josy

Coming from someone that has a massive family with it's fair share of arguments and falling outs my honest advice would be to keep well out of it, I know it's hard to watch things like that going on and seeing your family members hurt and so on but regardless of how good your intentions are someone will turn on you at some point.

But then I also totally agree with this. If you don't want your own relationships damaged then you need to stay out of it. The whole "final straw" with my wife came when she stepped in to stand up for her (much) younger sister who was only 15 at the time and very unhappy at home (she ended up living with us for 3 months) and basically us speaking up for her resulted in a LOT of nastiness being thrown at us. Not that we would have done things any differently, someone had to stand up for her and my wife would choose protecting her little sister over a relationship with her parents, infinitely, but it is important to remember that if you choose to step in then you inevitably choose a "side" and put yourself in the firing line. Only get involved if you're truly prepared to do that, AND if you're sure that you really do know exactly what is going on.

[the truth]

im trying to think what else to tell you....my mother has suffered a bit with depression over the years...she has her faults and strengths etc shes quite outspoken in some ways...ive noticed than my siblings have always been very critical of her....theyre basically very critical people, not bad people just very critical. they rarely just enjoy stuff...the irony is though they have very thin skin and any criticism directed at them they take personally and hold onto it as a grudge. theyre pretty similar. I cant see any major rifts, my mother was a bit spendthrift , my dad was extraordinarily generous and hard working. maybe the felt she took advantage of that? but she did care for him when he got ill , for years, yet never once have they patted her on the back for that?now hes passed away sadly, and she doesn't get to see her grand kids?

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by the truth

im trying to think what else to tell you....my mother has suffered a bit with depression over the years...she has her faults and strengths etc shes quite outspoken in some ways...ive noticed than my siblings have always been very critical of her....theyre basically very critical people, not bad people just very critical. they rarely just enjoy stuff...the irony is though they have very thin skin and any criticism directed at them they take personally and hold onto it as a grudge. theyre pretty similar. I cant see any major rifts, my mother was a bit spendthrift , my dad was extraordinarily generous and hard working. maybe the felt she took advantage of that? but she did care for him when he got ill , for years, yet never once have they patted her on the back for that?now hes passed away sadly, and she doesn't get to see her grand kids?

..I'm sure that your mum has always acted out of love and what she's thought best and tried to be a good parent, whether she's always got it right or not or whether it's always been taken the right way..?..this is why these things/families are just so complicated...I don't know, maybe 'outspoken' to your siblings has often felt like criticism of things they have done and maybe has never felt like support...so maybe they themselves through that have also become critical because that's what they have learned through their young lives..that's how it is, isn't it truth..?..we learn through example etc..we hug them, we make them feel confident and loved and they learn how to love..we criticise them and make them feel that they can't do stuff right and they learn how to criticise because they themselves don't feel confident and have low self esteem etc... and these things just go round and round and pass down and we don't even realise it..and yeah, I really do think that she's always probably acted in what she thinks is the best way and out of love but that's not necessarily what they're seeing or have seen because maybe they haven't felt that love...?...anyway, I honestly don't know but I do feel that she should be given a chance to form a relationship with her grandchildren and them with her...for your siblings sakes as well just because there is no point and no accommodation for regrets in the future should the chance be completely lost...but it is completely their decision as parents because they're also acting out of love and what they feel is the best thing for their children as well..

..I think the only thing for the moment is for your mum and siblings to see if there is a starting point where they could begin to mend their relationship and come to an understanding with each other and one hopefully which meant the children could get to know their grandmother and form their own views...I know this will take time and I guess in the meantime, if she is able to write and they write back to her or maybe if she's able to do email/you could help her understand the internet technology, they could have email contact...or texting..?..whichever though, I think it's important too that their parents have full knowledge and approve this as I don't think it would do anything but fuel negativity and probably make things worse if it was done without them knowing and being ok with it.... I wish you well/I wish you all well and hope that you all find a way with this......

[lostalex]

i think you are in denial a bit about your mother. if 2 of her daughters can't stand her there must be a legitimate reason why. I doubt your sisters are just totally heartless cruel human beings, and "being sarcastic" is not the reason. I think you should love your mother the way you want to love her, but also respect your sisters to have their own relationships with her.

I hope this doesn't damage your relationship with your sisters, remember, your mother will be gone long before your sisters will.

[the truth]

Originally Posted by lostalex

i think you are in denial a bit about your mother. if 2 of her daughters can't stand her there must be a legitimate reason why. I doubt your sisters are just totally heartless cruel human beings, and "being sarcastic" is not the reason. I think you should love your mother the way you want to love her, but also respect your sisters to have their own relationships with her.

I hope this doesn't damage your relationship with your sisters, remember, your mother will be gone long before your sisters will.

1 is a brother 1 is a sister
what does your last line infer alex?