[Lewis.]

Today, I leaned back in my chair. I leaned back to far, so I panicked and grabbed the table in front of me. I'm ok

[Conor]

Today, I forgot my calculator and I had a final exam. It's okay though, it was an english exam.

Today, I woke up in Vegas. I wasn't too excited, I've lived here my whole life.

Today, my friend asked me if I liked her shirt. I said yes. I didn't really like it.

This morning when I woke up, I couldn't see. So, I turned on the lights.

Today, my boyfriend called me saying he couldnt go out because he was sick. When I drove over to his house to surprise him with a "get well soon" card, he was not making out with my sister. He thanked me

[\PJ/]

When i say pu you say see.

[Lauren]

"Today, my teacher saw me texting under the desk and grabbed my phone. She didnt grab my penis. MLIA."

[Lewis.]

Today, a Tic-tac got stuck sideways in its container. I tapped it with my hand and dislodged it

[Christina]

LOL!

[Twilight]

Today, prior to riding an intense rollercoaster, a young girl warned me not to put my arms up, since they would get ripped off. I put my arms up. They're still attached far as I know. MLIA.
PMSL

[MR.K!]

Today, I felt a lump on my chest. But it's okay, it was my breast. MLIA.

Today, I went to a restaurant, but they didn't have a vegetarian selection. That's OK considering I love meat. MLIA

Today, my parents walked into my room as I was taking drugs. They were proud of me. I usually forget to take my allergy medicine. MLIA

Today I had sex with my secretary. She is my wife. MLIA.

[MR.K!]

Today, I ate Mentos and drank cola at the same time. I'm fine. MLIA.

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. But it was ok since I knew I'm adopted. MLIA

Today, I was eating chips and seven layer dip. Just to make sure, I counted the layers. There were seven. MLIA.

[Twilight]

Today, my dad had a knife and was crying in the kitchen. Now, we have freshly cut onions. MLIA

Today, I had sex with my best friend. But it's okay cuz we've been married for 3 years. MLIA


Today, I pushed my grandma around. It's okay, she's in a wheelchair. MLIA
pmsl

[sol]

Last night I wet myself whilst asleep. Don't worry, I fell asleep on the toilet. MLIA