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Old 26-09-2019, 09:00 PM #1
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Can't believe the underdogs had a good result in the EFL third round last night.

Well done Manchester United on beating Rochdale, just.
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Old 13-10-2019, 08:03 PM #2
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Why are melons so lonely?

Because they cantaloupe.
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Old 14-10-2019, 12:53 PM #3
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Once upon a time there were three bears. Now there's ****ing thousands of 'em.
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Old 22-10-2019, 08:24 PM #4
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My girlfriend was shouting “Give it to me now! I’m so ****ing wet!”

I simply told her “This umbrella is mine. Go get your own.”
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Old 22-10-2019, 08:35 PM #5
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What is a foot long and slippery?

A slipper.
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Old 26-10-2019, 11:56 PM #6
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I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.
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Old 31-10-2019, 07:37 PM #7
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What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone appetit.
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Old 31-10-2019, 07:40 PM #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Evil View Post
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone appetit.

Rib anyone?
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Old 17-12-2019, 02:40 PM #9
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A lorry loaded with Brussels sprouts has overturned in Fife.

The driver said he had trouble controlling the vehicle due to bad wind.
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Old 19-01-2020, 03:23 PM #10
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I was sat on the end of my bed last night pulling of me Boxers

and the TL said

Spoiler:

"you spoil these dogs"
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Old 19-01-2020, 03:29 PM #11
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HA HA WIFE BAD

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Old 27-08-2020, 04:50 PM #12
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one of our dutch iconic jokes/gags, explaining the joke ''fok'' is dutch word for breed, and it sounds similar to ****

Hi my name is Henny Huisman i **** horses

pardon

Henny: Ja Paarden


paarden is horses in dutch, and pardon/paarden sound similar either



Henny Huisman one of our comedy/talent show host national treasures i say, he is iconic for the first talent show here ''Soundmixshow''

Youtube video


one of his own ''party songs''
Last edited by Nicky91; 27-08-2020 at 04:51 PM.
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Old 27-08-2020, 04:55 PM #13
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He's up there with Prior and Hicks.
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Old 27-08-2020, 06:05 PM #14
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Old 11-12-2023, 09:11 PM #15
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I used to work with a lad called Anthony. He was only 4ft 8.

We used to call him "Shetland Tony"
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Old 12-12-2023, 05:50 AM #16
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Originally Posted by Alf View Post
I used to work with a lad called Anthony. He was only 4ft 8.

We used to call him "Shetland Tony"

Fabulous !!!


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Old 12-12-2023, 12:52 AM #17
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I've come up with a few offensive alternative titles to TV Shows (Anime included) so here it goes.

Sailor Moan (Sailor Moon)
Is It Wrong To Pick Up Drugs In A Dungeon? (Is It Wrong To Pick Up Girls In A Dungeon?)
Darker Than Lostprophets (Darker Than Black)
Sweet Home Alabama (Sweet Home)
Cum Dine With Me (Come Dine With Me)
Game Of Moans (Game Of Thrones)
Fear The Walking Nazi (Fear The Walking Dead)
NAMBLA Park (South Park)
KKK Detective (True Detective)
The *****ville (The Orville)
Law & Order: Special Rapist Unit (SVU)
Angel: Rooting For The Slave (Angel) - he says that dialogue in Season 4, so I'm adding it.
Farting In Another World (Farming In Another World)

I can't think of anymore, so I'll leave you all with these wonderful hypothetical Shows for now.
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Old 12-12-2023, 05:19 AM #18
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Default ALFs jokes thread
Last of the Summer Whine

The XXX files

Breaking Wind ( Breaking Bad)

The Orifice ( The office )

Twin Pricks ( Peaks)

Band of Brothels ( Band of Brothers )

Fiends ( Friends )

Off-White is the New Black
(Orange is the New Black)


The Whingeing Detective
( The Singing Detective)






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Last edited by Zizu; 12-12-2023 at 05:33 AM.
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Old 13-12-2023, 05:46 AM #19
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Originally Posted by Zizu View Post
Last of the Summer Whine

The XXX files

Breaking Wind ( Breaking Bad)

The Orifice ( The office )

Twin Pricks ( Peaks)

Band of Brothels ( Band of Brothers )

Fiends ( Friends )

Off-White is the New Black
(Orange is the New Black)


The Whingeing Detective
( The Singing Detective)






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Very good.

For my next joke, see if you can actually tell what the joke is.

Ian
Tina
'
Sally

Connor
Owen
Michael
India
Nathan
Gethin

Howard
Orlaith
Michelle
Edwin

Imogen
Nagasaki

Erwin
Usher
Roland
Orga

2024
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Old 13-12-2023, 05:49 AM #20
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Spoiler:

It's coming home in Euro?
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Old 13-12-2023, 06:04 AM #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kate! View Post
Spoiler:

It's coming home in Euro?
Spoiler:

Correct! Well done Kate.
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Old 16-12-2023, 02:42 AM #22
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Here's my alternative offensive Movie titles.

12 Years A Sex Slave (12 Years A Slave)
Gnaw (Saw)
Final Fantasy: The *****s Within (Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within)
Once Upon A Time On Epstein Island (Once Upon A Time In Hollywood)
My Neighbor Vorhees (My Neighbor Totoro)
Kruger's Delivery Service (Kiki's Delivery Service)

I honestly would want to see Twitter's reaction to half of these, if these Movies were to be made.
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Old 25-12-2023, 06:18 PM #23
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Love is like a Deck of Cards

At the beginning it’s all Hearts and Diamonds but later on all you want is a club and a spade




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Old 16-01-2024, 05:36 AM #24
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I heard on the news that some guy was stealing wheels off police cars

The police are working tirelessly to catch him.




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Old 16-01-2024, 10:08 AM #25
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I heard on the news that some guy was stealing wheels off police cars

The police are working tirelessly to catch him.




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