[reece(:]

Lindsey just posted this to facebook

5 and a half years ago I participated in a game show. It aired 5 years ago. I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into. It looked pretty simple when I watched it myself. Having a strong athletic background I knew I could win. What I don’t account for is the emotional and social part of it. I thought that was going to be a breeze because I genuinely get along with people.
You learn a lot about yourself. How experience discomfort and adversity.
I lost it. Far from home, away from my family, my real friends, and the power and control that I assumed i had was gone.
I had a cup of crunchy burnt rice for 2 weeks. Total. About 45 minutes of sleep while cold and wet a night. The sounds of the animals in jungle haunted me in the dark. Things crawling. I stepped on a hole with a spitting cobra and the camera crew looking at me and quietly telling me to run as fast as I could. Six toe nails falling off from the constant moisture from the jungles weather. Having to agree with a decision you know is the poorest choice because you don’t want to make waves. My team was winning, we had all the food. We decided as a group to save it. I was floored. I knew there would be a merge soon because our other teams were down to nothing. I explained we needed to eat more. We were all starving and soon we would be split up and some of us would have to leave our rice bag to a team that had already used or dumped their bags. My team didn’t agree. I had to go with group vote and smile and say, “ok: maybe you’re right”
The only water we could drink had to be sterilized. Which means, walking a half mile with a dirty bucket, going to a well, carrying it back, starting a fire without a lighter or tools from scratch, putting it into a filthy cast iron pot that weight about 20-30 pounds and boiling it. And sharing it amongst 6-7 other people. Everyone had their own canteen. What I didn’t know is that when I hung mine up on the tree someone “we all know” was dumping sand into mine. After all that work, I would be stuck with sanding choking me as I tried to keep my body strong enough for the next game. I was furious and I knew. But I kept my mouth shut. Burns started to appear on my skin. I didn’t know what was going on. Giant sores. I figured it was from my clothes being so wet. It wasn’t until later I found out that someone was urinating on my clothing when I hung it to dry. I figured since I had cleaned myself properly for weeks, my clothes just smelled due to mildew. No. I found out why. On the 22 hour flight over the cabin pressure in one of our cross over planes blew my eardrum. The crew had to pack silly putty in my ear so you couldn’t see the blood coming out of my ear. I had ruptured my ear drum. On the introduction shots of us entering the game on the big truck I had actually fallen off and bed and broke my toe. Apparently your balance is effected by your ears. It throws your equilibrium off. During the puzzle challenge it was about 120 degrees and felt like 140. I had fainted and landed in the sand face first. The med team came over and check my blood pressure. 60/30 was my count. I continued on.
I didn’t want to make a fool of myself or be a quitter. I had came too far and I knew it would be publicized all across the nation.
One night it was too much. We were told not to look or speak to each other off camera. It took one toothy smile in the van and a whisper, which I will not repeat from a person that sent me over the edge. The argument lasted about 2 hours and was clipped about 15 seconds on national television.
I had lost my temper. I could see red and nothing else. For many of you who do not know, at the time It took years of being in court to get my daughter to live with me full time. I couldn’t afford an attorney and it screwed me for years. There was a lot of work that went into it. I thought, a million dollars could pay for her college and change our lives. What I didn’t account for, was that at the time, I was angry from what I felt was an injustice in that situation. My temper has always been an issue for me. Through time and experience, it’s something I am getting better at. Control is my nemesis. I need it, I crave it.
So when people stop and she me if it’s fun or real. Yes. If I act like I don’t want to talk about it, I’m sorry. Editing will give anyone a poor or excellent representation. You see what they want you to see. I thought I would share this story today.
People like to call out quitter. You have no idea the things I have overcome in my life. If you know me in my personal life, I work my ass off, I’m a great mother, and great wife. I live life to the fullest. I slipped in front of a lot of people. I’m still insecure about it. If I could take it back and calm my tits. I would. But, it’s life, it happens. And I’m still here. A game show is not going to tell me whether I’m a bad bitch. I am.

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