[MB.]

As dawn breaks in southern Italy, Alaska & Willam are first to depart the Pit Stop.



All teams arrive at the airport in the order they finished the previous leg, and manage to all board the next available flight out of Naples, putting the seven remaining teams on an equal playing field. Kelly, who is beginning to feel the exhausting effects of the race, tries to get some sleep on the plane.

Upon arrival in Madrid, the teams travel by taxi to the monastery, with many of the queens speculating as to what the secret cookies could be. "If there are no drugs involved, I’ll be highly disappointed," Willam says rather firmly. Alaska reminds her that they are travelling to a nun’s convent, and that uncovering an illegal narcotics ring operating from inside a nunnery would be an unlikely task for the producers of The Amazing Race to assign the teams.

Indeed, there are no drugs involved in the task, unless you happen to be addicted to shortbread biscuits. Jasmine & Kennedy are the first team to arrive at the plaza where the monastery is located, followed by Mayhem & Morgan, but both teams spend several minutes wandering aimlessly around the outside of the building, unsure as to how they are supposed to order cookies from inside. The rest of the teams then quickly show up, and it is Jinkx & Dela who find the hidden alleyway where the cookie-ordering window is located. Dela orders the cookies for her team, and a nun’s hand appears from the dark to hand them their next clue.



Tammie, proficient in the Spanish language as she is, notices a sign which says that the window closes at one o’clock, as this is when the nuns go for siesta. Rather than making them want to hurry (the teams arrived in Madrid late-morning), Kelly suggests that they both go for a siesta as well. While Team Brown Bacon find a spare room in the monastery to have nap, the other teams collect their cookies and their clues. For the Detour, Jinkx & Dela, Bunny & Coco and Sasha & Shea decide to Find the Note, while Alaska & Willam, Jasmine & Kennedy and Mayhem & Morgan choose to Find the Net. Kelly & Tammie, who opted to Find a Bed for the afternoon, eventually wake up and, feeling somewhat energised, head to the football stadium.

Despite the mental image of drag queens taking penalties in one of the world’s most famous football grounds being one that could strike fear into the hearts of sports fans and homosexuals alike, Alaska & Willam end up being quite good at the Detour (I won’t repeat any of Willam’s comments during the task, as I’ve already written enough balls puns for one game). Mayhem & Morgan also get the hang of it, or at least they do eventually after Mayhem’s boot comes flying off and it collides with the goalkeeper’s face. Jasmine & Kennedy do not find the challenge coming as naturally to them; although Kennedy manages to score a few to begin with, Jasmine isn’t able to connect, and ends up wheezing in all possible directions while Kennedy does most of the hard work.

[MB.]

and no, the secret Spanish nun cookies are not something I made up

[MB.]

Over at the Royal Palace, a seemingly-easy task soon proves to be rather difficult, as the teams are given no guidelines on how to tune the instruments, and each one must be tuned differently. "I wish Thorgy Thor were here. That’s a sentence nobody has ever said before," Bunny says to herself as she begins arbitrarily fiddling with a cello. Sasha & Shea think at first that they’ve managed to tune all four instruments correctly, and are surprised when the string quartet immediately tells them to try again. Of those at the musical Detour, it is only Jinkx & Dela who are able to finish in a short amount of time, leaving just as a bleary-eyed Kelly & Tammie arrive. "It’s a lot trickier than it looks," Jinkx calls out to the other team as they read their next clue, still just-about-honouring their alliance in the process.



At the Royal Post Office, Jinkx & Dela choose not to use the U-Turn (which would enable them to force any team they're ahead of to go back and complete the other Detour, slowing them down in the process), deciding that it’s still too early in the race to deliberately alienate other teams. "Plus," Dela adds, "we’re in the lead, so we don’t have to." Alaska & Willam show up next and also decide to leave the U-Turn board untouched, though Willam is mildly tempted "for the sake of chaos". A montage of the four queens swallowing grapes, set to silly music, follows, and the teams then open their next clues.



Mayhem & Morgan are the next team to depart the football Detour, while Bunny & Coco are next to leave the musical Detour (where both Sasha & Shea and Kelly & Tammie continue to struggle). The two teams agree that one ought to use the U-Turn, and it is Mayhem & Morgan who volunteer to get blood on their hands. "We’re past episode five now, so as far as we’re concerned, the gloves are off," Morgan says, taking off the actual gloves she’s wearing as a visual aide. Deciding that Sasha & Shea pose the greatest competition of the three trailing teams, Mayhem & Morgan choose to use the first U-Turn on them. "Rose petals won’t help you now, bitch," Mayhem says as she sticks Team Petal to the Metal’s photo on the board. Both they and Bunny & Coco then set off towards the next location.

Corral de la Morería is one of the most famous flamenco tablaos in the world, let alone in Spain, and is where Alaska & Willam and Jinkx & Dela arrive to find a Roadblock awaiting them.



Alaska and Dela choose to dance for their dinner - sorry, their teams - and a battle between two All Stars soon ensues. The two queens revel in trash talking the other, which is quite amusing considering they’re both dressed in flamenco costumes and holding massive fans. As Dela tries to compare the sizes of the props they have been given, Alaska yells "do not attack my fan, bitch!" in her best Mimi Imfurst voice. Ultimately, it is Dela who triumphs, but only because the audience turns against Alaska when she licks Dela’s face mid-performance.



As Jinkx & Dela travel to the Pit Stop, and Alaska puts on a second flamenco performance that doesn’t involve as much tongue-to-skin contact, Jasmine & Kennedy arrive at the Double U-Turn. Unsure where they stand in the leg so far, they decide to U-Turn Kelly & Tammie, in the hope that their decision to have a nap at the monastery put them behind. "Let’s hope that works," Kennedy mumbles with a grape in her mouth. Meanwhile, Bunny & Coco and Mayhem & Morgan arrive at the flamenco hall. Coco decides that she can put on the more convincing melodramatic one-woman dance performance and performs the Roadblock for her team, while Morgan spares Mayhem the embarrassment of her shoe flying off for the second task in a row and decides to learn the dance. Alaska receives her and Willam’s clue as the other two teams mark out their routines.

At the Pit Stop, amidst a sea of tourists, Phil spots a team running towards him; one of them is still wearing their flamenco heels…



Jinkx & Dela… you are team number one!

Phil: For winning this leg of the race, you have won a trip for two from Travelocity to Cairo!
Jinkx: Wow, Cairo!
Phil: That's right, exotic Cairo, Illinois, home to the A. B. Safford Memorial Library! And you can enjoy that after the race.

Alaska & Willam - 2 (Morgan, RileyH)
Jinkx & Dela - 2 (Liam, Black Dagger)
Bunny & Coco - 1 (Ammi)

Alaska & Willam… you are team number two!

Phil goes off to take a dip in the fountain, leaving the teams to check themselves in. Alaska is disappointed as she wanted to try and lick him.

Alaska & Willam - 2 (Ammi, Liam)
Jasmine & Kennedy - 2 (Morgan, RileyH)
Kelly & Tammie - 1 (Black Dagger)

[MB.]

At the flamenco hall, Morgan’s athleticism wins the day over Coco’s flair for melodrama, and Team WeHo receive their clue next. Jasmine & Kennedy then arrive, and as Kennedy squares off flamenco-style against Coco, Jasmine and Bunny discuss what went on at the U-Turn. Sasha & Shea, having found the instrument-tuning task extremely difficult, arrive at the U-Turn before Kelly & Tammie, and are annoyed to see that Bunny & Coco targeted them. “They’re just jealous that we still have our original hips,” Sasha says as they make their way to the football stadium. Kelly & Tammie are the last to show up at the U-Turn, and once Tammie is done trying to U-Turn a pigeon that she spotted, they head in the same direction.



Mayhem & Morgan… you are team number three!

With Phil absent, Mayhem & Morgan twiddle their thumbs. Morgan whistles, then stops for a bit, then starts again.

Sasha & Shea - 2 (RileyH, Liam)
Alaska & Willam - 1 (Black Dagger)
Jinkx & Dela - 1 (Ammi)
Mayhem & Morgan - 1 (Morgan)

Bunny & Coco… you are team number four!

With Phil absent, Coco goes off to find some Spanish panettone and Bunny goes off to troll Bianca Del Rio on Twitter.

Bunny & Coco - 1 (Black Dagger)
Jinkx & Dela - 1 (RileyH)
Kelly & Tammie - 1 (Ammi)
Mayhem & Morgan - 1 (Liam)
Sasha & Shea - 1 (Morgan)

Jasmine & Kennedy… you are team number five!

With Phil absen... look, you don't need me to tell you that Jasmine & Kennedy went off to smoke a joint, do you?

Jasmine & Kennedy - 2 (Ammi, Black Dagger)
Mayhem & Morgan - 1 (RileyH)
Jinkx & Dela - 1 (Morgan)
Kelly & Tammie - 1 (Liam)

Arriving at the football stadium one after the other, Sasha & Shea and Kelly & Tammie realise that they are the last two teams. As Sasha & Shea arrived first, they get to complete the Detour, and therefore receive their next clue, before Kelly & Tammie. Both teams then head to the Royal Post Office, where they guzzle grapes, and then to the flamenco hall. On the way, both decide to ignore the "travel on foot" part of the clue; Sasha & Shea’s taxi gets stuck in traffic, while Kelly & Tammie’s decision to steal bikes from strangers and ride them through the busy streets ends up getting them there faster (in place of the stolen bikes, Tammie leaves two signed copies of her festive album 'A Very Available Christmas', which she considers to be worth “much more than any bewheeled contraption”). Tammie also completes the Roadblock, drawing on her experience as an Andalusian flamenco dancer in a former life to do so. Sasha and Shea arrive, and select Shea to do the task, just as Kelly & Tammie are heading out the door. Shea then proceeds to dance the fastest flamenco routine ever seen in an effort to catch up, and a race to the Pit Stop ensues.



Kelly & Tammie… you are team number six!

Phil has returned from his paddle in the fountain, and decides that as Kelly & Tammie and Sasha & Shea each ignored part of the clue by not walking to the flamenco hall, it would be pointless to penalise them both. Kelly responds by kissing him (in your face, Alaska!), while Tammie responds by gifting him a signed copy of the follow-up album to 'A Very Available Christmas', entitled 'All of These People Answered My Calls on Martin Luther King Jr. Day And This Was the Result'.

Bunny & Coco - 2 (RileyH, Liam)
Kelly & Tammie - 1 (Morgan)
Mayhem & Morgan - 1 (Black Dagger)
Sasha & Shea - 1 (Ammi)

Sasha & Shea… you’re the last team to arrive. I’m sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race.

Sasha: I can't say I’m not disappointed, because we’re both so used to doing well in Drag Race, and even in everyday life, that being eliminated almost feels like a failure. But deep down inside I know it isn’t.
Shea: You’re right. We’ve still got cause for celebration! Which reminds me...
Right on cue, Shea pours red paint, tar and bird feathers onto Sasha’s head. Sasha screams and wipes paint from her eyes as Shea runs off through the park.
Shea: Who likes throwing rose petals now, bitch?
Shea is restrained by two Spanish police officers who happen to be passing by.
Phil: That was... much more violent than I was expecting.

______________________________________________


Six teams remain in the race.

[MB.]

Your job:

Just like a few rounds ago, legs 7 and 8 will be done as a double round, meaning you can vote twice, once for each leg. Again, feel free to use the same rankings twice, or post two completely different sets of rankings, as you please. Please rank the following teams from 1st to 6th twice, one for leg 7 and one for leg 8, and post your rankings below:

Alaska & Willam | Alaska & Willam
Bunny & Coco | Bunny & Coco
Jasmine & Kennedy | Jasmine & Kennedy
Jinkx & Dela | Jinkx & Dela
Kelly & Tammie | Kelly & Tammie
Mayhem & Morgan | Mayhem & Morgan





You'll have until early on Friday to do this, at which point I'll werk it all out. Until then, here's a clue for where the teams will be kicking off the second half of the race, and by 'clue' I mean I've literally spelled out the name of the country!

[Liam-]

It took me longer than I’d like to admit to get that clue, sigh

[MB.]

Originally Posted by Liam-

It took me longer than I’d like to admit to get that clue, sigh

I don't blame you, the country of Lettersykes is a pretty obscure one after all

[MB.]

Apropos of nothing, here are the current race standings at the halfway mark:

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by MB.

and no, the secret Spanish nun cookies are not something I made up

...oh my Lord I want some of those secret cookies baked by the cloistered Spanish nuns...a secret nunderground bakery service...

[Ammi]

...7 long legs...


1. Alaska and Willam...
2. Jasmine and Kennedy...
3. Jinkx and Dela...
4. Bunny and Coco...
5. Kelly and Tammie...
6. Mayhem and Morgan...


...8, don’t be late...

1. Jinkx and Dela...
2. Alaska and Willam...
3. Kelly and Tammie...
4. Bunny and Coco...
5. Jasmine and Kennedy...
6. Mayhem and Morgan...

[RileyH]

leg7:
1. Alaska & Willam
2. Jasmine & Kennedy
3. Jinkx & Dela
4. Mayhem & Morgan
5. Bunny & Coco
6. Kelly & Tammie

leg8:
1. Alaska & Willam
2. Jasmine & Kennedy
3. Jinkx & Dela
4. Mayhem & Morgan
5. Bunny & Coco
6. Kelly & Tammie

[Liam-]

7;
Alaska and Willam
Jinkx and Dela
Bunny and Coco
Mayhem and Morgan
Kelly and Tammie
Jasmine and Kennedy

8;
Jinkx and Dela
Alaska and Willam
Mayhem and Morgan
Bunny and Coco
Kelly and Tammie
Jasmine and Kennedy

[MB.]

Thanks all

[MB.]

Bump for any last votes!

[MB.]

(please don't attempt to vote for Phi Phi)

[MB.]

but, like, just imagine it says "voting" instead of "library" xo

[Shaun]

I go away for one week and the entire cast of season nine perishes

[MB.]

The next leg will be up tomorrow, just in case anyone thought I'd forgotten about this

[Ammi]

...it all just gives us more time with the remaining ladies, MB...and a timer can’t be applied to perfection or to the gayest crossover event of the century......

[Ammi]

...mind you, Shaun goes away again for one week and....

[Ammi]

...I don’t know if he’s away again actually...

[Ammi]

...I’m waffling...

[MB.]

Warning: the amount of effort I put into writing this leg is vastly disproportionate to the amount of effort it would actually take to travel to Rwanda.



Jinkx & Dela are the first team to set out from the Pit Stop.



They’re also the first to figure out that the flag is that of Rwanda, although not before Jinkx tries to wrestle a bull. Alaska flounces around the bullring in a fitting bolero jacket.

Next, all teams travel to Kigali via Amsterdam (which is a bit weird considering Spain is closer to Rwanda than the Netherlands, but hey, that’s how airlines work). At the airport, Kelly & Tammie vow to get their revenge on Jasmine & Kennedy, who U-Turned during them the previous leg. Over to the side, Mayhem & Morgan express their relief that Sasha & Shea (who they themselves U-Turned) are no longer around to confront them.

Once they arrive, teams travel to the Kigali Genocide Memorial to pay their respects to the victims of the 1994 Rwandan genocide before they continue with the race. Let's just say it puts squabbling about who U-Turned who and why into context. This isn't a funny bit so I'll move on.



The teams all drink their milk, except Kelly & Tammie who somehow manage to turn the milk into a Long Island iced tea and a pint of blood respectively. Jasmine points out that the milk is the first drink she's had in a decade that she hasn't blended raw cannabis into first.



The teams then begin the drive into the Rwandan countryside. As Willam drives for her team, Alaska uses the journey time to record and release an entire new album in the back seat, having contacted several local musicians to feature on it using a phone she found discarded at a gas station and whatever the Rwandan version of the Yellow Pages is.

Having arrived at Volcanoes National Park in relatively close proximity to one another, the teams observe a newborn gorilla naming ceremony similar to Rwanda's annual Kwita Izina ceremony. Afterwards, they must each sign up to sponsor one of the baby gorillas, for which they will receive a gorilla soft toy which they must carry with them for the rest of the leg. Alaska christens her toy 'Lil Poundape'.



Five of the teams (Alaska & Willam, Jasmine & Kennedy, Mayhem & Morgan, Bunny & Coco and Jinkx & Dela) choose Herbal Tea, while Kelly & Tammie, the latter of whom believing that the multiple claims she has made to thrones of foreign kingdoms in the past will help her, opt for Royalty. Team Race Chaser speed through their Detour (and resist the temptation to lace the tea with anything), while Bunny & Coco spend more time requesting members of the village to make them cups of tea than vice versa, slowing them down significantly.



Alaska & Willam... you are team number one!



Phil: For coming first in this leg in the race, you two have won not just your soft toy gorilla, but the opportunity to name a real life Rwandan gori-
Willam: Willam. We're naming it Willam.
Alaska hands Phil a copy of her new album, which she has somehow already managed to get distributed in CD format.

Alaska & Willam - 3 (Ammi, RileyH, Liam)

Jasmine & Kennedy... you are team number two!

Jasmine & Kennedy - 2 (Ammi, RileyH)
Jinkx & Dela - 1 (Liam)

Jinkx & Dela... you are team number three!

Jinkx & Dela - 2 (Ammi, RileyH)
Bunny & Coco - 1 (Liam)

Mayhem & Morgan... you are team number four!

Mayhem & Morgan - 2 (RileyH, Liam)
Bunny & Coco - 1 (Ammi)

Kelly & Tammie... you are team number five!

Kelly & Tammie - 2 (Ammi, Liam)
Bunny & Coco - 1 (RileyH)

Bunny & Coco... you're the last team to arrive.

However, this is the second of three pre-determined non-elimination legs, and you are still in the race. This means you'll have to complete a Speed Bump during the next leg, and you will receive no money either.

Bunny: Receiving no money? The next leg sounds just like an Aja tour!

______________________________________________


Six teams remain in the race.

[Ammi]

[MB.]

For completion's sake, here were the leg 8 results:



1st – Alaska & Willam
2nd – Jasmine & Kennedy
3rd – Jinkx & Dela
4th – Bunny & Coco
5th – Kelly & Tammie
6th – Mayhem & Morgan

And these were the remaining legs:









To finish this off once and for all, please rank the remaining five teams - Alaska & Willam, Bunny & Coco, Jasmine & Kennedy, Jinkx & Dela and Kelly & Tammie - from 1st to 5th. Simply, whoever gets the most votes will win. Voila!