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kirklancaster · 03-04-2015, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kyle

Why did Mock cross the road?

Spoiler:

kirklancaster · 03-04-2015, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

My wife asked me what my plans are for Easter?

I said: The same as Jesus', disappear Friday, show up Monday.

(I'll add this one to my jokes repertoire.

)

Mystic Mock · 03-04-2015, 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kyle

Why did Mock cross the road?

Spoiler:

Why did Kyle follow Cartman around? Because he wanted his Butters.

What was Final Fantasy's type of blood when it was tested in the Hospital? Type-O.

jennyjuniper · 04-04-2015, 07:14 AM

Sorry it's another 'blonde' joke.
Did you hear about the blonde who:

Took an hour to cook minute rice.
Got into a taxi and the driver kept the vacant sign up.
Thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates.
After watching ballerinas, wondered why they just didn't get taller girls.

A blonde woman was having financial troubles, so she decided to kidnap a child. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note.
'I have kidnapped your son. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money. Leave 10,000 dollars in a brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7AM. Signed The Blonde.
She pinned the note to the little boys jacket and told him to go home.
The next morning she returned to the park to find the 10,000 dollars in a bag behind the big oak tree. Inside the bag with the cash was a note.
It said 'Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another.

GypsyGoth · 04-04-2015, 07:23 AM

@ the kidnap one.

kirklancaster · 04-04-2015, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennyjuniper

Sorry it's another 'blonde' joke.
Did you hear about the blonde who:

Took an hour to cook minute rice.
Got into a taxi and the driver kept the vacant sign up.
Thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates.
After watching ballerinas, wondered why they just didn't get taller girls.

A blonde woman was having financial troubles, so she decided to kidnap a child. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note.
'I have kidnapped your son. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money. Leave 10,000 dollars in a brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7AM. Signed The Blonde.
She pinned the note to the little boys jacket and told him to go home.
The next morning she returned to the park to find the 10,000 dollars in a bag behind the big oak tree. Inside the bag with the cash was a note.
It said 'Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another.

Hilarious.

Mystic Mock · 04-04-2015, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennyjuniper

Sorry it's another 'blonde' joke.
Did you hear about the blonde who:

Took an hour to cook minute rice.
Got into a taxi and the driver kept the vacant sign up.
Thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates.
After watching ballerinas, wondered why they just didn't get taller girls.

A blonde woman was having financial troubles, so she decided to kidnap a child. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note.
'I have kidnapped your son. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money. Leave 10,000 dollars in a brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7AM. Signed The Blonde.
She pinned the note to the little boys jacket and told him to go home.
The next morning she returned to the park to find the 10,000 dollars in a bag behind the big oak tree. Inside the bag with the cash was a note.
It said 'Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another.

Babayaro. · 04-04-2015, 05:32 PM

BB15

Alf · 19-02-2021, 08:37 PM

A man goes to the chippy and buys fish and chips. He takes them away and 2 minutes later he comes back and says to the person serving "Hey missus, has this fish been cooked?" The server replies "yes, why?" So the man says "because it's just eaten my chips"

Alf · 19-02-2021, 08:59 PM

Love this one from Bernard.

Youtube video

Alf · 20-02-2021, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alf

A man goes to the chippy and buys fish and chips. He takes them away and 2 minutes later he comes back and says to the person serving "Hey missus, has this fish been cooked?" The server replies "yes, why?" So the man says "because it's just eaten my chips"

Reading this back, it doesn't sound as funny as when I heard it told. I suppose Bernard Manning just had a gift for telling jokes.

arista · 20-02-2021, 09:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alf

Love this one from Bernard.

Youtube video

He was a Crude One

Alf · 20-02-2021, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arista

He was a Crude One

Did you laugh at that joke Arista?

I was hurting with laughter.

Mystic Mock · 20-02-2021, 10:22 AM

I used to love this thread.

I'm a bit embarrassed by my Jimmy Saville joke, but Kirklancaster had created a great thread here.

Good job reviving it Alf.

Now onto the joke.

Why are Birmingham City so afraid of attacking? Because we might score.

LeatherTrumpet · 20-02-2021, 10:34 AM

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street and said ‘Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?’ I said, ‘alright, but we’re not going to get much done!

Livia · 21-02-2021, 11:27 AM

I saw a busker on the Underground who'd taught his dog to play the trumpet. He said he went from barking to tooting in less than an hour.

LeatherTrumpet · 21-02-2021, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Livia

I saw a busker on the Underground who'd taught his dog to play the trumpet. He said he went from barking to tooting in less than an hour.

Alf · 24-02-2021, 12:53 PM

Westminster has just finished voting on conjunctivitis and the results are in, the eyes have it.

Mystic Mock · 24-02-2021, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alf

Westminster has just finished voting on conjunctivitis and the results are in, the eyes have it.

Good one.

The Walking Dead is finishing in Season 11, a fan asks Angela Kang what direction is the storyline going to take for the final Season, Angela Kang asks "what's a storyline?"

You might get it more if you've seen any episodes of TWD.

LeatherTrumpet · 24-02-2021, 04:06 PM

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

parmnion · 24-02-2021, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Livia

I saw a busker on the Underground who'd taught his dog to play the trumpet. He said he went from barking to tooting in less than an hour.

Bollo · 24-02-2021, 10:15 PM

So there is a fancy dress house party and the theme is 'Emotions'.
The doorbell rings and the host answers the door to see two of his mates completely stark naked...one has got his knob inserted into a pear and the other has his knob dangling into a bowl of custard... so the host, completey shocked says...'Well what are you two supposed to be?'

Spoiler: