[parmnion]

Dont just answer with no, or yes. I'm not in the mood for that.

But I struggle to say no, and sometimes dont fullfill the yes.

It can range from minor things, to actually pretty serious stuff.

Could this be a spectrum thing I've got?

[Cherie]

I wouldn’t have thought so, you probably have good intentions and like to help people out, but then lack a bit of drive to see it through?

[LeatherTrumpet]

No i can say no no problemo because i dont feel that empathy that maybe others do - or i perhaps very selfish but then again selfish because i dont have the desired empathy?

Over the years I have learned to say no to a request and not feel the need to explain why..just say no and leave it there.

[LeatherTrumpet]

it does not play out well in relationships

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

No i can say no no problemo because i dont feel that empathy that maybe others do - or i perhaps very selfish but then again selfish because i dont have the desired empathy?

Over the years I have learned to say no to a request and not feel the need to explain why..just say no and leave it there.

That’s more like the spectrum tbh

[Cherie]

I have got better at saying no over the years, I would say yes to something and then wonder how I could wriggle out of it now I just say no but I generally will ramble a weak explanation

[parmnion]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I wouldn’t have thought so, you probably have good intentions and like to help people out, but then lack a bit of drive to see it through?

Maybe it's long , long covid then. Cause I used to have plenty drive before covid.

And I did mention a few months before covid that I caught the flu via a tannoy system in corals..so maybe it is, the long, long covid I've got, rather than being on the spectrum...at my age.

[smudgie]

Never had a problem really.
Was a lot softer when I was a youngster but always very assertive.

[parmnion]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I have got better at saying no over the years, I would say yes to something and then wonder how I could wriggle out of it now I just say no but I generally will ramble a weak explanation

I've got worse at saying it. I would heartily bellow a big NO at someone in the past, but now I'm like yeah, yeah, al sort it..no worries.

[Strictly Jake]

I'm crap at saying no. Even when I do say no and have a genuine reason for doing so it makes me feel really guilty

[Denver]

Yes

[parmnion]

Originally Posted by Strictly Jake

I'm crap at saying no. Even when I do say no and have a genuine reason for doing so it makes me feel really guilty

I was just thinking to myself, that when I actually did say no in the past, it usually ended up as a yes..

Does that make me a soft touch?

Or Spectrum?

[ThomasC]

No you are not on the spectrum because you can't say 'No'.

Its normal.

I would say that you're a sensitive person who likes to people please. Potential fear of being judged for saying No.

I think it links in with confidence, self esteem and knowing yourself.

Saying No doesn't have to be negative and selfish depending on what it is... It's about having self respect and being you.

[ThomasC]

And yeah, I can't say 'no' very well at times.

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

No i can say no no problemo because i dont feel that empathy that maybe others do - or i perhaps very selfish but then again selfish because i dont have the desired empathy?

Over the years I have learned to say no to a request and not feel the need to explain why..just say no and leave it there.

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

it does not play out well in relationships

Do you feel empathy towards other things?

Emotions towards animals and people?

[Ammi]

…it’s quite a complex question……and it really would depend on what was being asked and who was asking…as a general in some circumstances then ‘no’ comes easily../…I’ve worked with children most of my life, so…no has been a much used word…but I always say why the no, I always explain….

…outside of that, though…I have personal boundaries and if I feel strongly about that ‘no’ then I won’t allow those boundaries to be pushed/stretched etc into a yes in a way that I’m not comfortable with because that yes wouldn’t be being true to myself and that impacts confidence and self belief, I feel …it’s such a tiny word but a no can be a difficult word to say….no, that’s not possible because…../..but how about this, though…/…a ‘compromise’ is often a good feel for everyone…

[Livia]

I'm brilliant at saying no. I used to struggle with it.... but as soon as I learned to say no and mean it, life got a lot more pleasant.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…it’s quite a complex question……and it really would depend on what was being asked and who was asking…as a general in some circumstances then ‘no’ comes easily../…I’ve worked with children most of my life, so…no has been a much used word…but I always say why the no, I always explain….

…outside of that, though…I have personal boundaries and if I feel strongly about that ‘no’ then I won’t allow those boundaries to be pushed/stretched etc into a yes in a way that I’m not comfortable with because that yes wouldn’t be being true to myself and that impacts confidence and self belief, I feel …it’s such a tiny word but a no can be a difficult word to say….no, that’s not possible because…../..but how about this, though…/…a ‘compromise’ is often a good feel for everyone…

Yeah, I'm good at saying no generally but I'm a bit of a push over with the kids (not really kids anymore but ya know )

[LeatherTrumpet]

Youtube video

[Toy Soldier]

Not really. I think (especially with work etc.) if you don't establish a willingness to say "no" early on, people will just start taking the piss with requests, and then at some point it stops being a favour and becomes an expectation so people aren't even grateful.

I am an absolute SUCKER for a cheeky grin from my youngest though and I'm convinced she knows it. Her speech is very limited but her vocabulary is quite wide in there somewhere (basically, she knows the individual words but she has to concentrate hard to make a sentence) so if she comes up grinning and asks for something, I find it near-impossible to say no . Like we will literally end up in the car, off to get ice-creams, at 9pm.

[Captain.Remy]

Yes.

[LeatherTrumpet]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Not really. I think (especially with work etc.) if you don't establish a willingness to say "no" early on, people will just start taking the piss with requests, and then at some point it stops being a favour and becomes an expectation so people aren't even grateful.

I am an absolute SUCKER for a cheeky grin from my youngest though and I'm convinced she knows it. Her speech is very limited but her vocabulary is quite wide in there somewhere (basically, she knows the individual words but she has to concentrate hard to make a sentence) so if she comes up grinning and asks for something, I find it near-impossible to say no . Like we will literally end up in the car, off to get ice-creams, at 9pm.

oh yeah im hopeless with my girls but then they hoodwink me and i only realise ages after

[caprimint]

95% of the time I'm fine at it, I'm selfish

[Natalie.]

I'm a bit better now, depends who and the situation though
I say no more but I feel bad saying it

[Alf]

Here's Faye, Ziggy, Gonch and the gang to help you out.

Youtube video