[Feefs]

Elizabeth thought it best she inspect the components for sharp edges and label them with a red sticker to indicate she or Dean must be present when handling. However, this was soon abandoned when she realised a distinct absence of tasteless pink seat covers for the car. She couldn’t even improvise with her fluffy jumper from before. The producers told her she wasn’t allowed it this time muttering something about strobing. She went off in the huff declaring “this task is immature and cars are so loud”. More to the point she “we never covered them in my tutorials at university”, she thought to herself as she went to cook lunch and listen to the liguaphone.

“I like these bits here” announced Brian. “They’re sort of shiney and have funny patterns on them.”

“Ooh, I think we can make them prettier if we dab them with Vaseline, then sprinkle them with glitter” proclaimed Helen.

“I don’t like them: they’re wafer thin” Dean responded.

“Erm, they’re the circuit boards for the engine’s super advanced fuel injection system” Paul revealed. “I’m sure you’ll do a great job with them, but these babies look like RX2891s which me mates tell me are double cool already. I remember one time me and my mates were on holiday, and we rented these mopeds that didn’t have fuel injection. It was wicked, but I almost killed myself.”

Stuart interrupted. They had a schedule to keep, and in business it wasn’t good to have his foreman distracting the workers like this. “What about the indicators? They’re the best bits of cars. They wink on and off and are very helpful in letting other road users know what you are doing. I mean everyone uses them don’t they? It’s not a sign of arrogance is it?”

“They are if you’re driving to The Tan Stand” Amma sneered. “I don’t like these modern bumpers. They’re so boring and unreflective. Can we put tin-foil on them?”

“Well if you get tin-foil, I want this car to be a convertible” said Josh. “Better still, can it be one of those Jeep things with a roll bar? Then we can use them to do pull-ups to keep our Pecks in tip-top condition”

“I wonder which Formula One racing drivers are watching this right now thinking ‘I’d like to **** that Narinder’”.

Brian opened his mouth. He didn’t know the names of any racing drivers. Who’d watch Formula One when you could be shopping for belts? He sensed everyone looking at him to make a smart comment. God, he felt so ashamed by his lack of knowledge.

Dean screwed up his face, opened his mouth and said …