[ThaGazBoi]

Anthony Hutton
By Polly Hudson, Big Brother'S No.1 Fan
THERE have been tears, laughter... and inserting bottles into places they were never meant to go. And that's just me.

But now we're at the end of 11 long weeks of Big Brother - and it's time for us to get on with our lives as the housemates desperately attempt to milk their fleeting fame at every film premiere possible over the coming months.

Shame they don't realise that we lose interest in them as soon as they leave the house. They'll learn. The hard way. Yup, despite the fact we've been obsessed with their every move for the last three months, if one of them danced naked outside my window with a sparkler up their bum next week, I'd probably just draw the blind and turn the volume up on Lost.

But before we all move on from the bitching, crying, singing, shouting and fighting let's cast a fond eye back over Big Brother 6 - the highs, the lows and the people you've already forgotten were in it.

I say, roll on BB7!

ANTHONY


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BEST MOMENT: Taking the bull by the horns by being the first housemate to vote boring Vanessa out to her face.


WORST MOMENT: Doing stuff in the pool that makes me ill when I think about it. Liking Maxwell and Saskia. Not realising that Eugene didn't know the prize money would be doubled if he refused the £50,000 - despite being told about a hundred times.


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Dealing quite sweetly with stalker Craig's unwanted - and hourly - advances.


MOST LIKELY TO: Become a regular in Chinawhite and Mo*Vida. Move to London in an attempt to become a star, move in with Maxwell and Saskia and be driven mad by lack of sleep due to their constant bracelet jangling.


VERDICT: BIG


SCIENCE


BEST MOMENT: Break-dancing in a fluffy blue dog costume - hardly behaviour that will have gone down well in the hood, I suspect.


WORST MOMENT: Possibly being a tiny bit too noisy and argumentative... sometimes (allegedly).


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Saying: "Yes I live in the ghetto. With my mum." Fanatically rinsing meat under the tap and loving fishfingers with a passion, as all people should.


MOST LIKELY TO: Release a single, find he's not taken seriously because of Big Brother, become bitter, start drinking early in the day and hurl abuse at anyone who looks vaguely happy. Loudly.


VERDICT: BIG


MARY


BEST MOMENT: Most housemates wore underwear or swimwear when they showered to protect their modesty from the cameras and viewing public. Mary wore a full-length black dress, socks, shoes and sometimes a hat. Also great when she argued with Saskia, even though she didn't win in the slightest.


WORST MOMENT: Spending the first two days crying in the Diary Room because she wanted to leave, then after being nominated, spending the next two days crying because she didn't want to leave


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Having scary starey eyes. Worrying before she went in that she would freak housemates out by being "too spooky and witchy". Too right.


MOST LIKELY TO: Turn me into a frog for writing something nasty about her - so I predict a long life full of happiness.


VERDICT: BIG


KEMAL


BEST MOMENT: His entrance, when he screamed at the train of his gold sequinned sari: "Don't let me down, bitch!"


WORST MOMENT: Molekosi-gate. Sigh. Got so wrapped up in the tedious theory that she was an actress he forgot to be fun.


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Thinking his parents might not have known he was gay before he minced into the house.


MOST LIKELY TO: Try and get Makosi to move in with him, dress up as her and kill her boyfriend with a stiletto...oh that's the plot of Single White Female. It'll do.


VERDICT: BIG


VANESSA


BEST MOMENT: Being in the middle of a vicious bitching session about Orlaith in the loft, Orlaith walking in and Vanessa instantly switching to smiling warmly and telling her she's pretty.


WORST MOMENT: All of them. Never has a contestant failed so spectacularly to live up to what they promised to deliver before they went in. Especially bad considering she was close friends with super-camp Marco from last year's show, so had real in sider knowledge which should have been a tremendous advantage. She wasted it.


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Won't be - all she did was eat, sleep eat and sleep.


MOST LIKELY TO: Need counselling after the evil way she was given the boot.


VERDICT: BOGUS


ORLAITH


BEST MOMENT: Making Kinga's face drop when she realised how different they looked in the same fig leaf bikini.


WORST MOMENT: Crying crocodile tears when Science dared to move her towel.


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Having plastic boobs, getting them out, touching them, letting other people touch them, never putting them away.


MOST LIKELY TO: Think she's a huge celebrity. Have a fling with Calum Best.


VERDICT: BOGUS


CRAIG


BEST MOMENT: Pretending to be a Russian diplomat during the spy task while wearing a ludicrous wig that somehow suited him.


WORST MOMENT: Being a teeny- weeny bit overbearing in his unrequited love for Anthony.


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Tears six times a day, showing women across the nation how girlfriends should NOT act. Thinking his sexuality was a huge mystery. It's not.


MOST LIKELY TO: Become the new hairdresser on This Morning for a month ... then being sacked after shaving Anthony Forever into the back of a model's head.


VERDICT: BIG


EUGENE


BEST MOMENT: Taking the 50 grand - the first sign he had any balls (sort of ruined by the two-day sobbing fit that followed).


WORST MOMENT: The Nicholas Parsons impressions, the Terry Wogan impressions, all the other impressions, the anecdotes, the monologues, the "jokes".


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Sitting down in the Diary Room, being told that in front of him was afternoon tea and a selection of cakes and immediately bursting into tears. Being a nice guy and somehow making it to the final.


MOST LIKELY TO: Be the toast of Crawley Amateur Radio Club. Will be desperate to return to his old life and blush whenever he's recognised. Will be dragged out on the chatshow circuit and held up as a posterboy for a return to good, old fashioned morals and politeness. Then we'll all get bored of him.


VERDICT: BIG


MAKOSI


BEST MOMENT: Making her final nominations with her eyes closed throughout because "It's not safe for me to open them".


Plus absolutely everything she did in the first two weeks (especially the relish with which she accepted her secret mission) when Big Brother was basically The Makosi Show.


WORST MOMENT: Everything that happened in the pool apart from swimming, the phantom pregnancy and the fact she didn't just say to Kemal: "Once and for all, I am not a mole. Now shut up."


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Telling so many convincing lies that even Davina wondered at one point if she was a mole but the production staff hadn't told her.


MOST LIKELY TO: Be the only contestant with any lasting media career... watch this space.


VERDICT: BIG


DEREK


BEST MOMENT: His Professor Higgins-esque relationship with Science Doolittle - until he turned against him.


WORST MOMENT: The way he attempted to influence nominations throughout his time in the house. Being such a snob he called Science a peasant and suggested he might steal his clothes when he left - despite the fact he owns a pair of blue leggings.


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: The way he prided himself on an intelligence that didn't actually exist. The fact he mentioned his housekeeper as often as possible to remind us that he was posh.


MOST LIKELY TO: Have the entire Tory party hail him as their Great Black Hope - then help them sink to shocking new lows.


VERDICT: BOGUS


SAM


BEST MOMENT: When she left. Sweet relief for viewers and housemates alike.


WORST MOMENT: Proudly announcing: "I like being treated really badly by men." A fantastic role model for women everywhere. Grimly pleasuring herself in a cardboard box. Forcing Anthony to endure the most awkward lapdance ever. Snogging Makosi and stripping off to run through the garden, coincidentally when she was nominated. The fact she still got evicted should tell her a lot.


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Making Orlaith look over-dressed. Insisting on wearing her bikini, even when temperatures hit minus zero.


MOST LIKELY TO: Be the next Emily Pankhurst - not. A brief career in the men's mags before she goes back to her life exactly as it was before BB. The only difference being that people might look quizzically at her in supermarkets sometimes - but only when she's on the till.


VERDICT: BOGUS


ROBERTO


BEST MOMENT: Chucking a bowl of pasta over Maxwell's stupid head. Should have done it a few minutes earlier though when it was piping hot. and would have hurt more. Still, a good effort.


WORST MOMENT: Being so obsessed with food and rationing and how much food they should be rationing that all he ever talked about was food (and rationing).


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Saying mother-funky, which could have caught on throughout the country and might even have ended up in the dictionary - but didn't. Having a funny half-Italian, half-Scouse accent. Um... being quite tall.


MOST LIKELY TO: Continue being tall and having a funny accent. Er, if he was going to do anything of any interest, he would have done it by now, wouldn't he?


VERDICT: BOGUS


LESLEY


BEST MOMENT: Bullying Sam. OK, bullying isn't cool. But if there's one person who deserved it, it was Sam. Les-leh told her: "Don't even talk about intelligence, love. I've got more intelligence in my little toe than you have in your whole body."


WORST MOMENT: Snogging Vanessa. Eugh. Also constantly accusing Saskia of having fake boobs.


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Having the biggest t**s in Huddersfield (apart from her mum and her nan) and her ill-fitting PVC policewoman and nurse outfits.


MOST LIKELY TO: Release a dire cover of an Alicia Keys song (I've heard it).


VERDICT: BIG


SASKIA


BEST MOMENT: Ordering Derek to bark like a dog during the speed dating task - and managing to keep a straight face when he rolled over and obeyed.


WORST MOMENT: Making her bracelets jangle like billy-o under the covers with Maxwell, then romantically telling him: "You can piss off now." Saying Makosi had "dog breath"... people who've just snogged Maxwell probably shouldn't throw stones.


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Having a wobbly head, saying "End of" a lot. Pretending to fancy Maxwell just to stay in the house/get a magazine deal. Having huge jugs.


MOST LIKELY TO: Be so desperate to keep the BB dream alive that she agrees to marry Maxwell and has a succession of ugly, common children before waking up crying in five years time wondering how the hell her life came to this.


VERDICT: BOGUS


MAXWELL


BEST MOMENT: The look on his face when Science beat him in the eviction vote. That's probably not his best moment, but it was definitely one of mine.


WORST MOMENT: Everything else, really. Saying "Off The Hook" two million times an hour, enjoying wearing a nappy, making us look at his revolting, rutting bum in bed with Saskia, being a lout, being really threatening and aggressive, always to people smaller than him and sometimes to women.


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: Blatantly thinking he was such a lovable cheeky chap that he was definitely going to win. Then not even making it half way through. Ha ha!


MOST LIKELY TO: Hang on to Saskia desperately. Still be pointing at her, pulling "amusing" faces and shouting, "Cor blimey, I ain't done badly, 'av I?" to strangers in the street in 10 years' time - unaware she's sobbing silently to herself.


VERDICT: BOGUS


KINGA


BEST MOMENT: Um... still to come (hopefully)


WORST MOMENT: When stealing food for the Secret Garden suggesting they smuggle a cucumber "Up my *******y". Making a clearly exhausted Eugene sing Tainted Love while she squealed and "danced".


WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR: The night she became a human bottle opener, enough said.


When she returned to the house, she told Big Brother, "I'm baaaack!" - like Arnold Schwarzenegger in a boob tube.


MOST LIKELY TO: Attempt a music career. Fail. Attempt a presenting career. Fail. Attempt to be The New Jordan. Fail. End up being the face of a range of novelty bottle openers, going topless in The Sunday Sport before doing an interview with a women's mag headlined Big Brother Ruined My Life. Emigrating to Oz.


VERDICT: BIG

[Ruth]

That's funny!