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Angus · 18-01-2010, 06:05 PM

This thread will attempt to define what is meant by the term "Chav".

Chav
Chav can be a noun, verb or an adjective. As in “you shitty scum chav”, or “Hey I like the way you have chavved up ya car/wardrobe/lifestyle/language” etc.

The origins of the word itself are unclear and there are a few theories, perhaps all of them correct. Nonetheless, the current criteria for being a chav applies as laid out in this dictionary and no doubt, as culture dumbs-down even more, the definition will need to be updated. Chavs will no doubt eventually, despite their in-bred lack of intelligence, cotton-on to the fact that burberry and it’s current associations foster great hatred and negativity amongst the majority of the population. This factor however, could backfire, as Chavs could consider the perpetuation of hatred and negativity as a great contribution to humanity, even if it is directed towards themselves from others.

The most recent example of a celebrity Chav is Kenzie in Big Brother. (I can’t remember the name of the boy-band he is in – so uncool – but I know it had the word “Crew” or “Squad” whatever, in the name). In fact, Kenzie actually said “no” initially to being in the BB house, but when he thought long and hard about it, decided to say yes as the word “brother” as in, “bruv-va” or “bruv” for short, sounded cool and he thought it would really do wonders for his street-cred. Kenzie is actually white, but to see his clothes and hear him speak, you would think he is black.

Chavism represents a cultural link with the Trailer Park Trash in The States which is actually a sub-culture of black America. They both inspire each other. The lower the common denominator they appeal to, the cooler they are! Both of these cultural factions are represented by the highly evolved people picked to appear on the “Jerry Springer” show. Due to the speed of the transmission of information in modern times ex. Internet, TV etc, cultures very quickly pick up bits from other cultures, bounce off each other, and this happens at such a rate that no-one exactly knows who originated what. But as society has evolved, and that is the key word, “evolved”, chavism did not happen overnight but evolved as culture dumbed-down and it became clear that it was not “cool” to aspire to anything other than basic animal appetites (for junk food, sex, cheap bling etc). Perhaps devolved is a better word!

Picture this a young lad about 12 years of age and 4 ½ feet high baseball cap at ninety degrees in a imitation addidas tracksuit, with trouser legs tucked into his socks (of course, is definitely the height of fashion). This lad is strutting around, fag in one hand jewellery al over the over, outside McDonalds acting as if he is 8 foot tall and built like a rugby player, when some poor unsuspecting adult (about 17/18) walks round the corner wanting to go to mcdonalds for his dinner glances at the young lad, the young lad jumps up in complete disgust and says “Whats your problem? Wanna make sommin of it? Bling Bling” when the adult starts to walk towards the young lad, the young lad pisses himself and runs off to either his pregnant 14-year-old girlfriend or his brother in the army crying his eyes out.
My mate has become a chav what can i do? answer is shoot him before it is too late

Derived from Chatham in Kent, this term can be applied loosely to every culture with a nasty, thieving element. There are many variants of this creature but all are subject to the following commonalities:

Chavs are completely Amoral, having never been subjected to right and wrong by their inattentive, uncaring and often absent parents.

Chavs are part Magpie, evidentially supported by their love of all things shiny, or as vaccuous, illiterate street-slang would say 'Bling'. They can be seen twokking from the Jewelry counter in Argos/Index.

Whatever their ethnic background, Chavs have a built-in affinity to hip-hop/R&B, even if they are inherently racist (see the Scottish). They see their life as glamorous and cool.

Chavs are for the most part, extremely stupid. However, some of them render a form of low cunning, which can be misinterpreted as intelligence. However this is false. A Chav has no desire to better themself through honest means nor learn anything outside of car modification.

All chavs think that they are hard as nails. Again, this is false. Sitting in a beaten up nova smoking lamberts does not precipitate a healthy body. The irony being that a Chav owns mainly sportswear, yet will only break a sweat if running from the police.

Chavs are incredibly fertile beasts, and are highly successful breeders. Where they come unstuck is having to look after the offspring which their 13 yr old drunken fumble produces. More often that not the child will crow to be a Chav, having received no more guidance on life than the parent.

Chavs have a fond love for cars, as well as a Vin Diesel fixation. Rather than buy a nice car to start with, a chav will spend all their dole and tax-free labouring cash on upgrading a 10 year old car with 200,000 miles on the clock. The end product will invariably be a luminous monstrosity with at least one serious collision to it's name.
Come back with my bumper, you ****ing Chav thief.

Sub species of human

Commonly thought to be of inferior intellect, the Chavette surprises us with its cunning plan to avoid taking up a professional career and provide itself with free accommodation supplied by tax payers by spawning multi coloured mini chavs at a early stage in life, usually mid teens.
Clearly recognisable by their distinctive tribal Burberry they congregate in town centres and on street corners, Chavs have a reputation of being creative with public property and motor vehicles, building themselves Chaviots out of meccano sets and strip lighting, and providing us with humorous banter written on toilet walls like ‘Shit’ and ‘Tasha woz ere’ in an attempt to relieve our boredom while urinating.
Their language is a basic form of English thus avoiding any words they cannot spell or pronounce, even to the extent of creating new words only they know the meaning of.
Hunting in large groups Chavs will single out the weakest, smallest prey and attack it without mercy avoiding any personal injury and insuring victory.
Chavs unfortunately don't yet fall into the category of rodent and in effect cannot be bludgeoned to death under the guise of pest control. Darn!-
I think I speak for everyone when I say thank you Chavs for the great contribution you’ve made to this country, you’ve made it what it what it is today – a **** hole.

Now which HM/HMS do YOU think fit the profile?